Right now I’m having a moment where it feels very real. I don’t know whether to trust the feeling. I’m getting the urge to ‘come out’ but I don’t even know if it’s true. Or maybe I’m lying? Do I really ‘not know’ or am I just pretending I don’t know? I feel very sick in my stomach and nervous and keep going to cry. I keep going to stare at myself in the mirror to figure myself out and I keep repeating phrases such as ‘I’m gay, I like women, I’m a lesbian’ to see if it feels right but I don’t know if it does. Yesterday I had about 6 breakdowns and read articles and I was so sure I wasn’t gay. Now I’m having like a wash of ‘I must be!’ I don’t know whether to trust this feeling or not ughhhhh.

Do you ever feel like you don’t know deep down though? Like yesterday I was literally sat there thinking ‘deep down I know I’m not gay’. Literally less than 24 hours ago. And now here I am again like ‘what if I don’t know what’s deep down? What if I DO know I’m gay deep down and I’m just ignoring it?’ Sorry I don’t mean to ask questions, I do this all the time and I should know better but it just feels different ‘this time’. I’ve said that a million times before though I wish I’d just recognise that!

Yea i feel that way rn actually. Like ik i dont want to be but i what if i really am and dont kbow. Then if u tell someone about thats close to u they'll think you are. ?‍♀️? but yea idk this hocd is awful. I've hadit since 8thgr

Im 23 in the us. Yea i told my sister last month and she told me to experiment. I got soo nervous then the next day the hocd hit me really bad. But yea i dont want to tell anyone. I just want to go back to how i was b4 hocd happened.

Dont worry, im at that point too. It's hard but we can get through it! It really is HOCD. Sometimes i look at myself in the mirror and say wow i look like im gay, so ik i must be. But we would know deep down if we were. Which we aren't because it doesnt feel right. You can do it!

Omg yes! I told 2 people years ago when it first started and they were all replying as if I had come out. And obviously if someone comes out that’s true right thing to do, and they were very nice but their words were no comfort to me at all because I wasn’t trying to come out to them. That was like 4 years ago and I haven’t told anyone in my life since and I have zero plans on it. How old are you in 8th grade and how old are you now? I’m British so we say ‘year 8’ etc. I’ve had this since I was 15, and I was in year 11 in school.

@b13 in 8th gr (middle school) i was 13/14.

@lauren98 i hope so because when i think of having to be bi or lesbian, i just get so sad, but my mind and my "heart" is feeling like it's real and I'd love to be with a woman. And im so confused, because ik i find girls attractive but not in the way of dating them. I just notice them. I know i should'nt be looking for reassurrance but im afraid im going to have to face the truth that i really am. ? Am i in denial and just bi or am i actually a full on lesbian. Do i even have HOCD or am i msking it up in my head? I just want to know the real me. I can accept being bi or lesbian if i have to, but it doesnt feel right. It feels so unnatural, but im not as anxious and i dont find most guys attractive until i get to know them. But ive always had crushes on them in school always fantasize about them. But it must be true, because of these urges and thoughts etc. Sorry for the rant. Im just so confused and afraid i don't even know what to think. I afraid to find out that i am and i never had HOCD to begin with just in denial.