Ruminating

I seem to ruminate so much with POCD and analyse everything about myself, my life and even everyone around me. I’m even afraid to open up to a therapist or even to see my family because I don’t want to talk about it. My ocd feels different to everyone else and that’s scares me. I don’t have sexual images I just have the negative thoughts and fears of becoming a P or the fear of liking children. This SUCKS!!!! I even get suicidal thoughts playing in the background aswell. Is it possible to have 2 subtypes at the same time?

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 45w ago

I struggle with the same thing and it’s definitely possible to have two subtypes at once. Know that you’re not alone and that opening up to someone will help even if it scary. Posting here is a great start. You will get through this. The fears OCD tells you are not your identity. In fact they are the opposite of who you are.

Username: Pudu OCDPudu OCD

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 45w ago

Definitely possible (and even quite common) to get several subtypes at the same time! There was a time in my life up until 7 or so years ago when I had a bouquet of taboo sexual and harm themes. The OCD symptoms in any one theme started reinforcing a wider theme of me being a monster. It was absolutely terrible, terrifying and made me feel my life wasn’t worth living. Spent a bit over a decade 24/7 in this state without even knowing I had OCD. Now that I know it was OCD I am learning to accept this time in my life and to heal from the trauma. It can be really helpful to open up to your OCD therapist if only to see them NOT scream when they hear your story (they will probably not reassure you at all so that’s likely all the reassurance you’ll get anyways).

Username: Iloveyou24Iloveyou24

Date posted: 45w ago

Just remember, those thoughts are so uncomfortable and disturbing to you because it is the OPPOSITE of your character. People that do things that you are afraid of, don’t feel badly about doing those things

Username: FuckOCD

Date posted: 3y ago

Do you think it’s possible to have OCD and be your fear? I’m talking in terms of POCD. I’ve had SO-OCD, Perfectionism OCD, Gender Identity OCD, ROCD when it comes to things I like, but is it possible that I don’t have POCD and it’s the real thing? I was in inpatient therapy for OCD this year, and the thoughts and urges don’t bother me as much anymore, but I feel like I like them now and I hate that. In my mind, “acting” on the urge is looking at a cute kid, or even doing ERP/checking.

Username: CJW-182

Date posted: 40w ago

POCD

I’ve been struggling with POCD since I was 18 years old, I am now 22. It’s terrifying how quickly it switched from my ocd focusing on a fear of pregnancy, to magical thinking ocd, and then to POCD. I’ve been suffering with it so much so that I’ve convinced myself and have lost friends due to confession compulsions. I have major issues with ruminating, and it frequently goes hand in hand with my relationship OCD and my Suicidal thoughts OCD. (Worrying my partner will leave me because what if I am, and that I can’t take this anymore so I have to __) I often experience things like shame, guilt, grief, and intense emotional pain that manifests itself into nausea and heartburn and sometimes headaches. I’ve tried everything, so this app really is my last resort. I wish to find community here, to know that what I’m facing I’m not alone in my battles with. I know that I’m not, so why does my brain work so hard telling me I am? I love children, I always have. But I get so afraid of being near them. I want to get better. I want to be able to spend time with my family again.

Username: Fhl123

Date posted: 31w ago

Struggling with POCD.

It’s been almost 5 months since this has started. It’s been on and off. Ive come to realize it’s probably POCD to fitting into every symptoms. Ive never been diagnosed with OCD but I do have anxiety and am constantly worried about everything. I dont know if anyone here can help reassure me that this happens to people and i am not what i think i am because it is basically taking over my thoughts and life. Seeing that i have every symptom, am i sure that i do? ugh this is so stressful. Never in my life have i ever had this thought. Never ever thought of children in that way. Growing up I’ve always liked older people older. I never had crushes on any child. Or did I and it just didn’t stick out to me? It’s gotten to the point where I can’t take these instrusive thoughts anymore either.. and are they even intrusive because I feel like I’m forcing myself to think about them just to see if I give myself a response. I have kids and have friends with kids and I can’t stop have the thoughts of maybe hurting them even though I never have before!! Then it makes me fixate on them and why am I fixating on just them if I wasn’t someone with POCD??? just the terrible person I’m scared that I actually am. It’s no other kids just the ones I’m familiar with or have known forever. Can you just turn into a P and not realize it until wayyyy older? I’m so stuck im not sure what to do.

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