I hate how stigmatized HOCD is.

I feel like I can't talk about it with anyone to not lead them into thinking I'm gay in denial or that I'm homophobic whereas none of that is true. I often see OCD therapists talking about HOCD symptoms online and they want to make sure they'll use proper wording to not give off the impression that it's rooted in homophobia or denial somehow to avoid backlash from people, but I think some of them end up not telling it like it is. They say people with HOCD do know what their sexual orientation is and are not actually attracted to the same sex, but why do they feel like they do? If they knew 100% that they're not attracted, then this wouldn't be an issue. It's the same thing with POCD. The thoughts, feelings and sensations feel incredibly real to the person, yet they're not attracted to children. How do they know?

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Ye it’s annoying af, ppl get pressed and offended by anything. Before they speak about HOCD it’s always “I JuS WaNNa MaKe SuRe YoU GuYs uNdErStAnD ItS NoT hOmoPhObIc 🤓🤓”

LK-4D4

Date posted: 1y

There is an NOCD therapist that I contacted recently about my HOCD, and when I told him about my symptoms, he asked "what would be wrong about being attracted to people, why would you care?" He doesn't get it.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@LK-4D4 Report him

LK-4D4

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Dr. Patrick MCGrath? Nah.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@LK-4D4 I think he means have a “so what?” Attitude, like when ur hive says ur gay u reply - “ok? And?” Not actually accepting being gay but jus saying g u don’t care

PumpkinFrapp

Date posted: 1y

@LK-4D4 I think that this can be an important question to ask, but it needs to be with the right tone. In order to identify HOCD, you need to separate internal from external fears. If you snapped your fingers and your family, religion, and/or society were all supportive of homosexuality, would you be perfectly happy with a same sex partner? Don’t dwell on it. If you’re overthinking it, just go ahead and put yourself in the possible OCD bucket. If that wouldn’t help at all or maybe feels a little better but you still have an icky, uncomfortable feeling where the thoughts go against the future you want for yourself, then there’s a good chance it’s OCD and you should treat it as such.

blazed

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@LK-4D4 I think he was trying not to give you reassurance here—but I also understand how it can come across as dismissive.

LK-4D4

Date posted: 1y

@blazed I understand that. I just think it's a bit inconsiderate. I read an article recently about HOCD where the executive director of the IOCDF, who happens to be gay himself, said that gay acceptance can make it harder to diagnose and treat HOCD, because some untrained therapists will assume it's rooted in homophobia or completely misunderstand it as someone who's denial of their sexuality, which isn't true at all. I think Jonathan Grayson is a great therapist and psychologist, but it's hard to hear him talk on the Youtube webinars he participates in because not only will he not give any reassurance whatsoever, but will most likely say triggering stuff, stuff that he knows the person who asked the question will feel bad about it when they hear it.

PumpkinFrapp

Date posted: 1y

To talk about your original post, yes, omg yes. 100%. I was always very supportive of LGBT rights. I wanted people to be able to love freely because if I got to love who I wanted to, everyone should have that right. But ever since my obsessions started, my OCD uses that as evidence against me… it sucks!

truetrev

Date posted: 25w

Heterosexual OCD

I wanted to voice that homosexuals can get HOCD too. I remember when i was younger and knew i was gay i still got HOCD one time when watching The Office. I thought Pam was so pretty and then started doubting my whole identity because what if i am straight? Oh god, what a terror if i was heterosexual. But anyway, thought that maybe this would help heteros with HOCD by knowing that this is a universal symptom across OCD sufferers of all sexual orientations. A big problem is calling this subtype “Homosexual OCD,” because its not. It has nothing to do with being homo or hetero or bi or anything. Its just OCD being a bully. I think labelling subtypes is an issue altogether, as it can unconsciously make people feel like its not just OCD. But it is. Does this make any sense? What are yall’s thoughts on this? Or is this just my OCD talking? (Im not seeking reassurance just genuinely find this interesting) TLDR; each time we “qualify” OCD with a subtype, we reinforce that the subtype is part of the issue. In reality, OCD is just a broken loop in our brains, and thoughts are just thoughts. And Pam Beesly is a hottie.

ocdsurviver

Date posted: 17w

How do y’all deal with this?

I’ve recovered from HOCD before and got my attraction and my usual actual identity back. I was recovered from end 2022- start 2025 until I got triggered UGHHH😭 My HOCD is REALLY trying to convince me and it’s SO annoying cause I genuinely don’t want these thoughts. I know I naturally like men and always have done so. I can’t wait for my first therapy session in two days Omg! I need your advice, not necessarily reassurance, but more advice? My HOCD is throwing random “proof” I did/ saw as a child in my face, which back then had no meaning in my life and I continued to live a perfectly heterosexual life. I’ve educated myself about arousal non concordance / child’s play, but it still doesn’t remove the HOCD. I’ve read therapists great explanations on how it’s not a sexuality issue, BUT ITS AN OCD BRAIN ISSUE. So basically I’ve been straight and i will die as straight. But my ocd is still continuing with the intrusive thoughts/flashbacks. I’ve had some moments where I haven’t done as many compulsions and had less anxiety but still had those damn thoughts and I DO NOT want those damn thoughts. I have so much proof and factual/logical explanations but HOCD is still continuing to thrive. I absolutely hate this and I feel so alone. I wish there was a reset button cause I don’t want these thoughts to happen. I want a man and I stand by that. How do y’all deal with these situations? Cause sitting with the thoughts is clearly not helping.

user74128588493

Date posted: 16w

hocd and scared it’s internalized homophobia

I’ve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, I’ve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not I’m secretly gay, even though I don’t feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and that’s why I’m having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that I’m repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same question—am I gay?—and no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesn’t go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didn’t, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. It’s exhausting, and I don’t know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?

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I hate how stigmatized HOCD is.

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