I feel that I cannot go on sometimes, I feel that I would harshly judge anyone with my problem and with my thoughts, what does this mean and how do I stop it from killing me?
Mate - the very day my first impactful intrusive thought came in (10 years ago) it was like I lost the ability or wasn’t ‘allowed’ to feel happiness and calmness. It’s like my existence changed. I instantly didn’t like food anymore … felt nothing for my family and worse. Horrible
@gp Thank you, I know exactly what you mean. I’ve had this since I was 13/14 and everytime I came out of it I would realize my thoughts were so illogical and that my suffering was so pointless but this time is different and I can’t really figure out why. I remember and regret so much how I didn’t appreciate the times when I could be sad or upset over normal people stuff and now all I do is feel disgust and hatred towards myself. I really wish you well. Thank you for the reply
It means that you are really overwhelmed at the moment. I had this last month and I stopped talking for a week. Everything felt like too much. It would help to speak to someone like a therapist. I'm also here to listen if you want to talk about what's on your mind.
@Studybug Thank you, can I ask if you’ve ever had a period where you lost all hope and then recovered, I’ve had ocd for a long time but it has never felt this bad before even when k was 16 and I couldn’t even leave my house to go to the grocery store.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. 🧡 I also wish that I had been happier and more appreciative of my life before it got so bad this last year. I’m terrified of being judged harshly for what’s in my head. You’re not alone. 🧡 But although I have my horrifying moments, I have my good moments too. Overall, I’m more hopeful now than I was five months ago, if that’s encouraging. :)
@Samm1999 Thank you, it really is.
Does anyone else experience this lingering fear and anxiety because they think they’re capable of hurting someone? It’s killing me. I feel like I’m such a danger. I feel like I’m a predator. I feel like this awful person and I can’t shake it. I want to carry on with my day but I can’t. I don’t feel like I deserve it. I feel like I’ve done awful things. I can’t stop crying.
I don't even know if I should put this here, but I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world, and I love her very much, but my thoughts keep saying I'm going to hurt her, so I can hurt God and idk what to do, I feel so disgusted and idk what to do, and the worst part is why does some part of me just not even care idk what to do anymore, it's almost like I'm turning into this horrible person and idk what to do, I'm really not sure what to do. I have really been able to be happy I just feel like I don't deserve it and I want to care about people and God and I want to be a good person, but a part of me shuts off my caring nature and idk what to do, I'm really freaking out because it's like IDC and idk what to do I just feel so nasty and scared because why don't I feel like I care. Why does it feel like it's something I wanna do idk, what to do I'm really freaking worried. Also I don't want OCD but a part of me says I need it or I like these thoughts and idk what to do, as im writing this i just feel like laughing and idk what to do, i really judt want jesus to hug me and say everything will be alright, i am such a monster....
I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh
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