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I’m really struggling with something related to me ocd, and I would appreciate kind and supportive advice. If you can’t relate or don’t think anything you have to say would be helpful, I kindly ask pls refrain from commenting this is a really sensitive topic for me. Recently, I’ve noticed a pattern that feels something extremely new and distressing. The first time it happened I remember telling myself before self pleasuring that I am in control no matter what thought comes into my mind because I wanted to prove to myself that these thoughts are just from OCD and I know who I am and an intrusive that came out of no where, and i suddenly felt an intense fear that I was acting on it. In the moment I genuinely felt like I did. And afterword, I panicked and started questioning myself. This SAME FEELING has happened three times in a row each time, the intrusive thought was unwanted and random, and completely against my morals most recently it involved pocd and it feels even worse because it generally felt like I acted on it the thought in the moment while I was self pleasuring the panic doesn’t hit until afterwards when I stop :/ I start thinking that maybe I generally made a mistake and I’m now just realizing that it’s wrong because it generally feels like that :( but when I actually think about it again goes against my morals and values doesn’t make sense it feels incredibly real, and I can’t seem to shake this feeling off that I may have acted on it I’m terrified because I never wanted these thoughts in the first place. And I definitely didn’t choose them. If I had known, I would’ve had these intrusive thoughts I wouldn’t have self pleasured in the first place but it’s extremely hard to convince myself that this may be OCD because I feel like I have no other reason to believe that I didn’t act on it :/

Please read this. I’ve had ocd pretty much a lot of my life but never knew what it was until my senior year of highschool. I’m 21 with 2 kids and i believe i’ve had pocd a little bit before my daughter was born (which was 8 months ago). It made me start looking at all kids differently and i hate it. But it really started triggering me about 3 months ago. I’ve been thinking if i’d intentionally touched or harmed my kids the wrong way, or any kids for that matter. This started giving me false memories (or at least hope they are). I’ve been having panic attacks, yelling at myself, punching walls, praying, and even thoughts of ending my own life. I grew up in a severe toxic household throughout my childhood and teenage life. I’ve never wished that on my kids since i became a dad. I wanna give them the life i never got. I look back my photos of my children and i feel like i’m a complete fraud of a dad. I cannot look at my kids or be around them a lot of times. I can’t hold my daughter right. I can’t change their diaper when they need it. Even my son came and was hugging on me the other night while i was watching tv and i acted like a stranger to him. I can very little do this stuff sometimes because it’s either i get relief or i push my thoughts as far back as i can. I get scared if i did something to not just my kids, but any other kids in the past. I have such a a great life and such a beautiful family. It was hard and stressful at first being young with a family but i couldn’t be more thankful at all for them. I’m just so lost and stressed right now that i just don’t know what to do anymore

I didn’t know this but my Pure-O began when i was around 11/12 years old with a violent thought to hurt someone I love. This thought brought me tears. I tried supressing it, “praying” it away, thinking good things, distracting myself etc. But this thought always came back to haunt me. It was on/off for about 13 years. Just this past week, I recently got an image/thought of hurting someone I love and it scares me. I use smart devices to track my sleep and exercise and both devices show that my heart rate is much beyond what it should be. I have had difficulty sleeping the past 3 nights with very little REM and deep sleep because of this thought. I’m worried this could cause me to spiral. I feel anxious all day because I’m trying to avoid thinking this thought, but it keeps coming back. I’m waiting to book a call with a NOCD to see what my options are. I hope I can get effective treatment. 🥺🫶🏻