Horrible harm ocd thoughts

Harm ocd is getting more and more horrific each day. I'm close to having my period and my ocd symptoms are getting significantly worse as it always does this time of the month. I was just feeding my cat normally when suddenly I had intrusive thoughts in the form of commands saying: "ok now is your chance, k**l your cat, k**l him"... absolutely disgusting even typing that 💔 but what scares me the most is that I didn't get an extreme anxiety or fear response with the thought, and also I felt like the thought was intentional for some reason like it didn't feel intrusive when I replay the moment in my head. And also, at the time this thought happened I entered in some kind of trance for a second and that terrified me because my ocd interpreted it as if I was contemplating doing something. I was seated on the floor and he was in front of me whe this happened but of course I didn't touch him, I jut left with a horrible feeling. I love my cat, he is my best friend, I have him since he was a baby and I have never had suh thoughts with any of my pets before this ocd bullshit started. What I can't stop thinking about is why did it seem like the horrible thought was provoked and not intrusive? and why didn't I try to get rid of the thought or neutralize it with something else like I always do. Why does it feel like I want to do something horrible, when I know I would never do that and rather end myself than hurting anyone? Are command thoughts common?Can someone please respond to this post? 😭

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I'm sorry you're going through this, but if it's any consolation, what you're hoing through is classic OCD. OCD attaches itself to who and what's important to us and what we fear the most. Your kitty means great deal to you, hence the harm thoughts about your kitty. And that brief trance feeling, yeah, I've been there and it's very scary, but just OCD. If you're not getting upset and horrified over the episode it may be that you're experiencing something called "habituation," which is a psychological word for "I've had this crap so much it's not freaking me out anymore," which is a good thing. And the fact that you get upset that you're not going through the compulsion of feeling appalled or horrified by the intrusive thought is also common. You see, by having these reactions we're actually, in a Pure-O way, trying to seek reassurance that we'd never carry out the thought. But what's really happening is we're giving in to the compulsion and are only feeding that pig, OCD, and making it worse. You have to learn to stay in uncertainty that the the thought could happen, which is counterintuitive. When I first learned of this I thought, " You want me to do WHAT????" But it works. Do you have a trained OCD therapist who uses ERP therapy? If not, please consider getting one. It could change your life. There are many well-qualified ones affiliated with NOCD. Why not contact them for a free consultation. Finally, how old are you? I get the impression that you are a young adult. I mention this because a lot of OCD sufferers really begin to see the flare ups at that age. Hope this is helpful.

blackitty27

Date posted: 1y

You have no idea how much peace of mind your comment has given me, thank you so much! And regarding my age you are correct, I'm 27 but I heve had a few OCD episodes during my life which have been horrible, but this one has been the worst so far, it has been going on for 8 months now :( And I haven't been to therapy yet, i'm actually on the waiting list for an OCD specialized therapist but it's going to take a long time from what I see. I've no idea if NOCD therapy is available for people outside of the US, but I really would love to get a free consultation.

Steven55!

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@blackitty27 I'm so glad my thoughts have helped you! Yes, I understand NOCD does take international clients and even arranges the session times to fit your time zone. Definitely contact them for a consultation! One other thing I want to impart, when you have these harm thoughts stop and ask yourself these three questions: am I harming kitty now? Am I plotting to harm kitty? Do I have a choice? I think the answers to these questions should bring you some relief. If you need a heart to hang onto please don't hesitate to contact us on this site. We are here for you!

Astjtoju13!

Date posted: 25w

Harm ocd

Someone please help me I’m having intrusive thoughts of hurting my pets and I’m really scared of myself and I want these thoughts to go away. Can someone please help me I’m scared and I don’t know if I’m a monster

Thejollygian...

Date posted: 25w

My Harm OCD

Basically long story short, ive been dealing with anxiety for a very long time all my life I'm 23 now but about 5 months ago my anxiety started to get really and I overthink a ton and get worried to easily. So my chest hurt for a while from stress at work made me worry why it was hurting, then me worrying and thinking worse case scenarios was making it worse. So i and to go to the doctor and got diagnosed properly with anxiety and I have a med now that I take when I really need it called hydroxyzine but I also have another med that is Zoloft that I have been taking for a about a month now, to help with my intrusive thoughts I have sometimes i only get them when im stressed or when I'm by myself or when i just overthink in general, my loneliness depression is one of the reasons for my anxiety because I wish I had someone as in partner wise to love me and for me to love them. But anyways I've had intrusive thoughts about possibly hurting myself and family, or even my dog. Ive never acted on any of my thoughts in the past and I don't want to but I have had anxiety attacks when everything feels to real and really scares me. I constantly have the thought of am I crazy or am I becoming crazy and stuff and I've done a lot of looking stuff in the past about symptoms but most of them are identical to what anxiety is so it's hard to tell the difference. It's been probably 2 weeks since we last talked. I've been mostly doing good. But I just was wondering if had a little Harm OCD intrusive thought happen yesterday that targeted my Aunt at work she was complaining all day and when it got closer to the end of the shifts for us. I was already annoyed with a situation that happened earlier in the work day. But she came into my department and then went back over to hers and I said it out loud to myself and said you better get back over there or I'll, I tried to say something else because the word I was going to say was kill you. Obviously I don't but that's what my intrusive thought wanted me to say. And made me think thats why i got to hurt her to stop her complaing So the rest of the night I was saying she is safe I am safe I'm control, like this is just anxiety lying to you, it's just because I'm tired and got annoyed earlier. I can't tell if it was working or not because I was so tired and just wanted to go home. But after work her and I spent time together at our house she was on the one couch and I was on the other with a bunch of our dogs in the living room. I tried to keep my mind off of what happened, and I was fighting some stomach achyness already. But I obviously don't want to hurt her and we had conversations just fine. But I went to my other aunt house at night after work to go to bed because she has to watch my aunts dogs because my other aunt and family is on vacation. But anyways I'm trying to get over that word Kill, that word is what is scarring me and sticking. Like my anxiety is lying saying kill, or basically do harm. I don't want to do anything bad but I'm trying to shake that feeling and stickiness of that word. I'm just so scared and worried.

Aphid123

Date posted: 24w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

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Horrible harm ocd thoughts

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