OCD and Weddings

Has anyone on here gotten engaged / been married while struggling with OCD? If so, I would love some tips on how to enjoy life’s big moments through OCD. ??

This is just kind of a rant but any encouragement would be so much appreciated, thank you ❤️ I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is incredible, kind, funny, smart, hardworking, so so loving-just an extremely good person. In 2021 I developed or at least recognized my OCD. I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, anxiety and depression, definitely quite the list. Each of these conditions mingle with each other and make life very difficult at times. At the beginning it centered around me being a bad person but slowly grew to be relationship OCD. I have fears that I don’t really love him, I’m not actually attracted to him, I’m going to cheat on him, he doesn’t make me happy or that he would be better without me and is a better person than me. Lately I have this fear that one day not to far away he will prepose to me and I won’t be excited. Or that he will feel more for me then I do for him, or that I will have to fake my excitement. I have this vision of myself feeling nothing when he asks me and having to fake it. It’s just such a sickening thought to imagine not feeling the intense joy I always knew I would feel if he proposed to me. It’s so strange because before I had bad OCD I used to dream of that day, I would ask if he thought he might prepose to me one day and if his answer wasn’t certain enough I would feel very sad. It’s terrible because I’ll get depressed and feel nothing positive for any aspect of the world-including my relationship, but OCD will take that and twist it into me not feeling anything positive for him. Which will in turn make me feel more depressed. You ever just want to hide and pause the world for a little while so you can catch your breath? It feels like the weeks go by so slowly but still suddenly I’m nearly grown up.

I’m getting married in November to the love of my life. I’ve been with him for over 5 years and I’m so excited but I’ve struggle sexual identity over the past and now with the wedding coming up, my intrusive thoughts and the constant theme of identity keep showing up in my head. From what I wear to how I act, I can’t just enjoy being myself. I know who I am but anytime my SOOCD comes up, it just wipes my identity completely out. I’m trying to ignore it and tell myself I don’t need to label myself as anything but I’m having constant intrusive dreams lately and it’s messing with my daily life