Genuine fear of attraction

Throughout my life really at this point… I’ve suffered from intrusive thoughts regarding attraction to the same gender… Often these intrusive thoughts target people I know and I get hung up on the question of, “What if I’m attracted to this person?” I then constantly “check” to see if I’m genuinely attracted to said person and each time I do check very rarely am I met with reassurance but a strong feeling of anxiety. It’s happened only a handful of times, but it just terrifies me to think that we have no choice over who we find attractive.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

You can find people attractive and not want a sexual relationship with them. Just because you think they’re attractive doesn’t necessarily mean you want to have sex with them. Have you ever thought your mom or dad was looking attractive one day. That didn’t mean you wanted to have sex with them. Just that you noticed they’re looking sharp that day.

Sasquatch1

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Yeah that makes perfect sense. The weird thing with me though, say I’ll have a coworker or classmate, I’ll have the thought of “what if you find them attractive” and then all of a sudden I’m having constant intrusive thoughts of that persons face… I absolutely hate it, I feel ashamed of myself because of it but I try not to give myself a hard time about it as I’m not choosing to have the thoughts.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@Sasquatch1 So I’ve had similar things happen.. once you ask your mind a question it tends to try and put a picture to it. And when you tell your brain not to think about it. It can hyper focus on it.. even when it’s negative. Your brain still gets a kick from it. Like watching a scary movie you’ll get a jump scare and it’ll terrify at first but after you feel calm and happy. Your brain knows the happiness comes after it can become addicting without you even trying to make it an addiction

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@Sasquatch1 I’ve also had that fear too like what if I look at this man and I get attracted to them? Exposure and responsive prevention has helped me. Now I look at the men in their face. When I take their order. Some might be decent looking men and can even be attractive. I can now acknowledge it a little more and not feel gay for acknowledging it I still get anxious and sick when I first start but it gets easier. A lot of my issue stems from porn and a previous gay experience when I was a preteen/early teen. We watched porn and eventually being virgins we wanted to know what it felt like. After I pursued women and have ever since.. all this came out while trying to stop my porn addiction even lost memory of the incident until I stopped porn. Hormones are going crazy. I’ve watched gay porn now to see if I get aroused and nothing happened I lost interest and went to straight porn feeding into my addiction. I still have my own doubts as well. But saying things like maybe I am maybe I’m not who cares? Has helped. Nothing so far has made me turn gay.. or even bi for that matter. Even with my experience I still prefer women/the opposite sex.

Sasquatch1

Date posted: 1y ago

@Anonymous Ahh I see… Thanks for sharing your story. Lately, I’ve been getting intrusive thoughts of images of people that pop in my head… thing is though, these images aren’t even sexual at all? It’ll just be the persons face, and I’m just then shrouded in anxiety and disgust… It’s so weird man

alex y

Date posted: 1y ago

The checking is the problem. You have to let go. Tell yourself…”maybe i am, maybe im not”….that is a hard thing to do….but its like a muscle. When you check ,youre never going to get an answer. And even jf you get an answer, your OCD is gonna ask for more. You have to starve the OCD. When you stop giving the thought attention it will lose its power over you. Are you in therapy friend? Erp ?

Sasquatch1

Date posted: 1y ago

@alex y No I’m not in therapy… I’ve been dealing with this on and off for 14 years… Never really went for professional help

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

@alex y I agree once you stop caring it’s over for the ocd. Just say things like maybe, maybe not is a way to brush it off and not give that thought strength

Anonymousesti

Date posted: 24w ago

To all SOOCD sufferers!

SOOCD sufferers! Do you sometimes worry that you're true attraction is your false attraction and vice versa? and that you actually dont really know what true attraction is but if you go with the unwated sex you will know? Ima actually really struggeling between finding someone attractive and being attracted to someone.... I'm a straight female (I think) and I recognise a beautiful women more than a handsome men. Like I wasnt really attracted to my bf's body before actually being with him. However since in my mind, the female body has "more" if feels like I'll feel more if Im with a women? ughh soo weird. Like I dont see a men's naked body and automaticcaly get turned on, I have to be intimate with him for that to happen? honetsly between that and the romantic feelings that I feel like are not "enough" it really sounds like denial even if my therapist really diagnosed me. UGH

Sexual Orientation OCD

LunarNova

Date posted: 24w ago

A Woman’s Struggle with Sexual desire and Anxiety: Seeking Clarity and Support

Hi everyone, Lately, I’ve been feeling confused and anxious about my sexuality, which has been challenging to navigate. I’ve always identified as straight and am currently in a happy relationship with my boyfriend. However, I’ve recently started questioning if I might have some attraction to women, which has caused me a lot of anxiety. To be clear, I’ve never experienced romantic or physical attraction toward women in real life, but I have watched lesbian porn in the past. Now, I can’t help but worry that this might mean I’m attracted to women after all. On top of this, I’ve noticed a decrease in my sexual desire for my boyfriend, which only intensifies my concerns about both my sexual orientation and my relationship. This confusion is something I’ve never dealt with before, and it’s starting to take an emotional toll. If anyone has experienced something similar, I would really appreciate any advice or insights on how you worked through it. What helped you find clarity? Someone mentioned that my anxiety might be OCD-related, though I’m not familiar with OCD in this context. I’d love to hear from anyone with experience in navigating these kinds of thoughts or anxiety. I’m open to any personal stories, resources, or guidance on how to approach this situation, both for myself and in communication with my partner. I want to better understand what I’m feeling without being overwhelmed by fear. Thank you in advance for your support!

Relationship OCD

King silly

Date posted: 23w ago

I feel seriously done. I’m actually a bad person

Sometimes when I feel false attraction, I’ll say things out of disbelief and fear, for example, I see a kid that looks older and I feel sort attraction so I panic and say “I’m attracted” “I think he’s attractive” “he is/looks attractive” ,, “he’s attractive” ,, “he looks handsome” along those lines… I panic when I say these and my brain uses it against me… I genuinely feel like a bad person. I feel like I’m genuinely attracted now and that I’m a bad person and that I need to accept it, I’m so scared. I don’t want to be this person but when I think about it, it’s like it’s not bad to be one and I don’t freak out and it makes me worry

POCD

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Genuine fear of attraction

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