i have been feeling like the ideia of being makes me happy, like my mind says that i want to be gay, but deep down it feels like i don’t. but when i tell myself i don’t, my mind says that i do. it is possible to have hocd and become gay after that ? my mind also says that i always knew that i would be gay, which is a lie because i know i never doubted me being heterosexual

OCD is so much more than just intrusive thoughts. It’s also intrusive feelings and urges. Whatever my theme is at the time, I’ll have not only thoughts about the the theme but also feelings and urges that support whatever fear it is I have. But when you treat the OCD, those go away too. When you feel like you might enjoy being gay, don’t fight it by telling you kind that you don’t. Just accept the feeling. “Right now, I’m having a feeling that says I would enjoy being gay.” That’s all it is, a feeling. A passing feeling. And feeling are not facts. Don’t try to fight or reason with it. Don’t do mental compulsions to try to “figure it out.” Just let it be and let it pass on its own.

This happened to me once when I was younger. But it was only an intrusive thought for me as I have been married for 20 years now to a woman and have 2 kids. If you really want to be then you will be. If you don't you won't. OCD can make us think of all kinds of things. It's how we respond to those thoughts that makes us who we are. A thought is just a thought until we assign meaning to it. However if you really are gay. That's ok too!

Pureolife is correct. The more you try and fight it the worse it gets. If you learn to take it as a passing thought or urge and don't assign meaning to it. It will make things easier. Therapy will teach you that.

Intrusive thoughts differ from real thoughts in the sense that real thoughts are progressive, intrusive thoughts are not. For instance if a person were having homosexual thoughts and they really were homosexual it would progress to thinking about how they would come out. Where as an intrusive thought would remain just an irritating thought or urge.

I have been dealing for 25 years now. You have mine as well

thank you, hope u get better too !

ok, thank you !

Your mind*** not you kind

Tell yourself it isn’t important whether it can make you gay or not , what’s important is recovering and being okay with the possibility of being gay. Because if you keep on debating with your past over whether you always knew you were gay , you’ll stay in the cycle. Compulsions only provide relief for a small amount of time until the anxiety is back. You have to make the fear something other than a fear , something that you’re okay with. That takes you either exposing yourself to what you fear instead of avoiding it , so you realize eventually that there’s no need to fear it !! Best of luck to you my friend‼️? always here if you need anything , you have my support

thank you all fr

Ive found throughout the years that OCD is like that little devil on your shoulder. My OCD used to torture me with some of my past traumas and would force me, and I mean FORCE me, to rewatch certain events or just think bad or awful thoughts that I couldnt get rid of them. I tried everything I could, but the only possible thing that helped was time. As long as you keep fighting, and telling your OCD voice no, things will get better. Sometimes it may feel like you are losing, but always keep fighting it on a certain matter that you know for a fact is false or true!

Pureolife, I had no clue its intrusive thoughts as well! That makes so much sense now!

@jec4568 I’ve been dealing with it for about 19 years since age 18. I am 37, married, 1 child with one due in about a month. What have you done to deal? All I do currently is take some meds and am now reading Freedom from OCD by Jonathan Grayson to try and develop an ERP plan. I’ve recently had a pretty big spike.

I see a therapist for CBT and ERP therapy and I take meds. I just had a big spike recently as well. Therapy taught me alot about how to manage on my own but I still have my times.

I'm 40, married and have 2 kids both in college

How long did you deal with OCD before treatment?

I have had anxiety almost my entire life. I saw a child psychologist fro the age of about 12. OCD really started when I was about 15. It started off with an obsession that I was going to pass out in class at school. So I did everything I could to not stand up in class as well as get reassurance from the teacher that I was ok. This was very embarrassing. About the time I started college I was in therapy and taking SSRI'S. I was in good shape then that's when I met my wife. The OCD has changed a couple of times since then but I still have it. I do have long periods of relief now as I have learned so much from therapy. Now despite the OCD I'm successful and have a great supportive family.

I'm trying to wean off of benzos now. That is hard to do. I started off at 15 mg a day and I'm down to 3mg. It took about 1.5 years to wean that far.

I have had far worse obsessions since then. I have rebounded quite a few times. But because of therapy it doesn't last that long. A few months at most and then I'm good for quite a while.