Dreams

I developed a crush for this girl and it feels great. But ya know, OCD did its thing and makes me feel like I don't really like her and that I like guys. It drives me absolutely mad. I even went to the gym today (which I have been avoiding) and one of the front desk guys was id say good looking and my OCD ran with that and told me I like guys and all the what if questions came roaring in. It feels really provocative to think persons of the same sex are good looking. It feels like anytime I look at a guy, my OCD tells me"oh look! you noticed him, how come you're not noticing the women?, you're gay." I get so many intrusive thoughts about any guy I look at and It feels so real. I feel defeated today. If anybody can relate, I'd like to hear.

so you know how the more you have an intrusive thought, the more likely it is to show up in your dreams? well coming from someone who is atheist/agnostic and is skeptical on some holistic/spiritual takes on things, i am having a difficult time wondering why my intrusive thoughts are showing up in my dreams the way they do. once i wake up, whether it’s right afterwards or later in the day, i’ll remember the part of my dream that is totally fueled by an intrusive thought. unfortunately it’s not pleasant and very upsetting. so, how do any of you deal with this? i get worried and wonder if it has something to do with my subconscious trying to tell me something/having a spiritual meaning or a higher power trying to tell me something. these are super common ocd subtypes too so i know it’s that. i just struggle sometimes with the rumination.

I keep having horrible nightmares of me doing terrible things to people. Like being a sexual deviant or something and it scares me and makes me feel bad about myself. Is this normal?