- Date posted
- 1y
Life is meaningless and i'm going to hell
I know I am not saved. I can't repent and know when judgementday comes I am doomed. I wish I never existed.
I know I am not saved. I can't repent and know when judgementday comes I am doomed. I wish I never existed.
I can feel this with every fiber of my being. You are a child of God and even if you cant feel that right now you will at some point. OCD takes all clarity away. I am literally going through what you are. I love you and hang in there. Im telling myself that as well.
I love you too man, God bless. ❤️
None of that is true. You're dealing with a challenging anxiety disorder that is messing with the contents of your mind and warping it in many ways you don't want it to.
You're a child of God and God loves you so much more than you know, even in the midst of your fears, especially now. That's a truth nothing can change, not even OCD. Tell Jesus you accept him as your Lord and personal saviour and accept him into your heart. Even if you can't feel it immediately, God is with you and he called you his own before you were born. You'll rise above this. Sending you love 💝
I love this quote from Hannah Whitall Smith - she was speaking from a spiritual perspective - but it applies to OCD just as well: "It seems hardly worthwhile to say that temptation is not sin, and yet much distress arises from not understanding this fact. The very suggestion of wrong seems to bring pollution with it; and the poor tempted soul begins to feel as if it must be very bad indeed, and very far off from God, to have had such thoughts and suggestions. It is as though a burglar should break into a man’s house to steal, and, when the master of the house begins to resist him and to drive him out, should turn round and accuse the owner of being himself the thief. It is the enemy’s grand ruse for entrapping us. He comes and whispers suggestions of evil to us, – doubts, blasphemies, jealousies, envyings, and pride, and then turns round and says, “Oh, how wicked you must be to think of such things! It is very plain that you are not trusting the Lord; for if you had been, it would have been impossible for these things to have entered your heart.” This reasoning sounds so very plausible that we often accept it as true, and so come under condemnation, and are filled with discouragement."
OCD lies.
Everyday I wake up, all my mind makes me think of is the stuff I’ve done in the past, like all day I’m in a constant cycle of judging who I used to be and it hurts so so much. I wish I never thought to do those things, I wish I had been more mature than how I was before, it’s really lowering my self worth and I don’t think I’ve ever felt this miserable before, like last summer was the worst because I was dealing with this shit, I about almost ended my life over it, and I thought it would get better, which it did, but it didn’t last but for a while. As soon as it became 2025 I was going through it again, having constant cycles of “I’m a good person” to “I’m the worst person imaginable” and I’m so sick of it because I just want to feel like the good person l like to imagine myself to be, but I can’t because of shit I did in the past that I obsess over. I’ve cried and screamed so much over it and it seems like it will never leave me.
I’ve been worried that I will go to hell and have lost a lot of my interests, personality and even music I like . I don’t know who I am anymore
i feel depressed. i’m so tired of living with constant guilt, fear, and pain. i feel so lost and lifeless. i feel like i’m not living for myself anymore. i'm so done with my life. i really hate myself. it’s all my fault. everything that goes wrong and everything that keeps happening to me is all my fault. i feel sorry for the people who have me in their lives. they don’t deserve someone like me. this world doesn’t deserve a person like me. i can’t do this anymore. every night, i keep crying. i just don’t want to wake up the next morning, yet i keep waking up. for me, another day is another suffering. i hate myself so much. i don’t deserve anything good. i hate my really bad and dark thoughts, and i can’t tell whether they are truly mine or not. the guilt is eating me alive, and i feel hopeless and undeserving of forgiveness. my family doesn’t know about my struggles, and i don’t want them to. i don’t want to be a burden or make them feel like they failed as parents. i don’t want to make their lives any harder. i just hate my religious ocd. sometimes i think i’m just making it an excuse. i feel sorry for God and Jesus for being this kind of person. i wish i wasn’t born into this world. i can’t continue living like this. i feel like i’m going insane. i’m just accepting that i’m horrible, and that all those bad thoughts are mine. that i'm disrespectful and a terrible person. i'm not suicidal. i’m just so tired of living like this. i'm not expecting happiness or anything good because i don’t deserve any of it. i feel like a disgusting person. i hate that someone like me still has the courage to show up every day around other people. i deserve all the pain and to drown in it. i just want to vent about what i really feel right now because it feels so heavy and unbearable. i don’t want to make others’ lives miserable or hurt God anymore.
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