Cheating OCD may be my least fav theme so far

I’ve dealt with all subtypes at some point in my life, and all are destructive and debilitating…No question there. But nothing has infuriated me personally more than my cheating OCD. Hear me out. For the rest, they were centered around ME being a bad or evil person, but I was used to that. Self-loathing at least keeps the suffering within me and me only… But this cheating OCD…Is making me distrust and doubt the best person in my life. It’s projecting my disease onto someone ELSE…It’s not fair! I prefer the cheating OCD to be ON ME, I’d prefer to fear I am the cheater than to ever suspect him!! I’ve been through it, and it was preferred to this! At least I could just hate myself, and not him!!!!! Having my OCD target and fixate on the person I love the most is the WORST.

Chickens_Frogs

Date posted: 1y ago

Same, my husbands on the road now. I have been taking my ADHD medicine thinking I can handle my OCD but now it’s all negative about what is he watching on his I pad, who’s he trying to get in touch with and is he looking for someone else on the road. In my defense, I saw his phone when he got back sick with COVID. I had to use his phone for a virtual visit with doc and first thing I see is the sight Classmates and he had while on the road took a pic of himself and put it on there. He was also choosing a lot of trips to where he grew up. So it wasn’t a good look.

Cinnamoroll

Date posted: 1y ago

@Chickens_Frogs I’m so sorry. ☹️ I cannot imagine the panic you must be in, being left with such uncertainty! In your case, your concerns are validated by what seems to be a very complex situation. I would talk with him; I’m missing a lot of context so I am not sure why he is traveling alone and not with you—but that is bonafide fuel for our OCD and I know I’d be driven insane if my partner did the same! I hope you arrive at some resolution over this, please take care!

Chickens_Frogs

Date posted: 1y ago

@Cinnamoroll Thank you for your reply. He is driving now to make money. He made a big error in his calculations in his last business and he lost it overnight it seems. We are barely hanging onto what we have right now. Scratching up change for food etc. He is not formerly diagnosed with ADHD but he’s definitely got it in my opinion. Very hyperactive and impulsive. Even as an adult. He never grew out of it. He’s probably depressed too over the mistake so I try not to be to hard on him. However, it’s not the first time I have picked his phone up and saw stuff that had me wondering. One time he was looking up a girl through this site that looks people up. I confronted him and he just said “just divorce me”. Don’t ask me how we made it past that one. Of course this was just a friend he was curious about. It never makes me feel good to see on his phone porn or like one time I saw he had took a pic of himself when he was in the restaurant that has women dressed very skimpy (forgot name) and that was his tic Tok profile pic. We have kids and I don’t want to go over the top with all this but I certainly question if I am being stupid. When he got COVID and I saw the classmates thing I went through every email and text I could find and No evidence of anything. I don’t normally do that phone checking thing but that time it seemed warranted. He swears he would never cheat on me. Which by the way is probably what every cheater ever says before they cheat. Ughh!

Mayla123

Date posted: 1y ago

Hello 🫠 well I have that cheating Ocd theme fixated on me!! Believe me it is the worst thing ever to me because I had like 5 episodes and it is always about me betraying my bf. I have never ever felt so bad. I am questioning my whole being. OCD always latches on what is the worst to you. So if mine would suround about him cheating on me.. it might not be OCD because it is not the worst thing I could imagine.. :(

Cinnamoroll

Date posted: 1y ago

@Mayla123 I’m sorry to hear what you are going through. ☹️ I hear you and OCD is definitely a different experience for all of us—my personal worse may not be someone else’s, and vice versa. I still experience intrusive thoughts of cheating on my partner and, although it’s no longer severe, it’s still troubling. I have dreams of cheating on my partner daily. If I have any solace I can provide it did get better for me; my dreams became an exposure and I’ve been doing better because of it. If only I could begin to fight my other cheating fear as well!! 😩😩😭😭

Solrose

Date posted: 21w ago

Incest Thoughts. Long Vent.

I’m so tired of my OCD changing “themes.” And no matter what it changes to, it’s always directed towards a specific person - my mom. My mom and I are very close. I consider her my best friend and we live together. I can share anything with her and she’s very supportive. I’m 32 now, but harm ocd started when I was 15 and she was the main target back then as well. I had a bad flare up this year and the harm thoughts came back, but about a week ago they turned into sexual thoughts. Graphic thoughts and images about incest. These thoughts typically make me feel panic and dread, and just an overall depressed feeling. It has made me uncomfortable to be around my mom, since I can’t even look at her without a sexual thought or image popping up. Even watching a romantic scene in a show, listening a romantic song, etc. My brain wants to put an image of her in my head. Even me fantasizing about a man that I’m attracted to will replace the man with my mom. They just keep popping up. So this of course makes me think I actually want these things, and are actually fantasies. I have started to wonder if I’m in actual denial or that these are my true feelings. I have never been a relationship before due to not having much interest in it plus my mental health issues started as a teen, but someday I would like to get married. But now I’m thinking maybe I’ve never pursued a relationship with someone else because I’m actually in love with my mom and want to be with her, but I can’t so I’m just suppressing my feelings. And I do love my mom, but I question myself is this just platonic or familial love? Also questioning our relationship in general now - is it unhealthy or too dependent? It makes me feel doubt, since I have never really been in love before with someone else so I have nothing to compare it to. Always just crushes or finding a man attractive, and I identify as straight. But I also have not thought of my mom in a sexual way before, so I’m hoping this is just my OCD acting up. Even thinking about a future relationship with a man is making me feel nervous, since I think if I have feelings for my mom, will I ever be able to be in a serious relationship someday? If I’m with someone will I actually just picture her? It makes me feel hopeless, like I can’t help how I feel and what if these things are true? Would I act on them? My brain even made me think, “you want to ask your mom to be in a sexual relationship with you and/or want her to ask you.” I feel like such a pervert for writing that, like a truly disgusting person. I know I don’t want these things to be true, but what if they are and I can’t help how I feel? Again just feel doubt and uncertainty, that I’m in denial, and not to mention just feeling like a very sick individual.

sammyjc

Date posted: 10w ago

Ocd about cheating on my girlfriend

So i play in a band, and we were having practice, and my girlfriend was there listening to us, then this girl around our age walks in, and my head tells me to cheat on my girlfriend with her. I know i would never do such a thing. And it bothered me for days. And i ended up telling my girlfriend, and tried to explain my ocd. It hurt her and she believes that the instrusive thoughts, are my thoughts so in that, i must feel something behind them. And she feels hurt because i explained to her the obsessive part of ocd and how this thought wouldnt leave my head. And she got upset knowing that i was constantly thinking about cheating on her. I cant help but feel its all my fault. And now that she doesnt understand i feel really guilty for my thoughts and they are coming more often and worse. When i was fine for months, but my ocd always acts up right as i get in relationships, then i usually tell my spouse and tell them i cant feel guilt for my thoughts or they will get worse. And they usually just accepted it and it was easy. But with her it seems she just cant seem to understand, ive tried to explain it to her countless times, she isnt willing to do research with me to help better understand it or anything. Maybe for my first ocd issue telling her that wasnt the best idea.

OoOcCdD66

Date posted: 18d ago

R-OCD...cheating fears

Currently I have several different OCD fears that pop up throughout the week depending on the situation. I've noticed a commonality between all of them are the fears relating to memory/false memory. Today is the ROCD struggle I've been dealing with. I know OCD has been trying this on me lately because of how much I love my spouse. They are my absolute best friend and she's my world. I value our marriage and friendship more than anything. OCD has latched onto one specific female coworker. And I don't even know why because even if I were single I wouldn't be into her. Even still, OCD makes me think I've cheated on my wife every time I'm alone with this coworker at work. Always starts as a what if, followed by imagery, followed by feelings that I must've actually done something and can't remember it. Usually fearing I've kissed her. It hurts because I know I'd never do that to my wife and I love her so much...the idea of losing her kills me, especially if it were the result of something I did. Just wanted to vent. Feel free to share your experiences or vents as well

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Cheating OCD may be my least fav theme so far

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