ROCD.

I'm sure this feeling is exasperated by my period right now but I'm just upset about my ROCD and the fact that I can't pursue a relationship. I just want to date. I know people say it's better being single but I want a relationship and I can't even have one because my ROCD is so bad that even just flirting makes me extremely anxious. On top of that being masc-nonbinary makes it harder so most people I'm attracted to are straight. The one person I found who likes me for me likes someone else and even if he didn't I can't date him because of my ROCD. I've been craving intimacy so much lately. Not sex just like cuddling and being held and personal talks and stuff. I guess I'm just lonely and longing. Feels kind of pathetic to cry over but. :')

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 42w ago

Hi. I actually relate to how you feel to an extent. I've made a post about this topic as well in the same light. I know that there's nothing wrong with being single, but at the same time, some of us hit a point where we really want to experience that kind of thing in its entirety. I'm really sorry that the person you liked didn't reciprocate their feelings towards you. I said it before and I'll say it again, that doesn't mean anything about you at all. I too had a crush on someone but I don't think they like my back. I made efforts to talk to them over the phone and they didn't say anything back. They also didn't talk a whole lot to me back or made efforts to. At least from what I noticed. You said you couldn't date him because of ROCD even if it all worked out. What's ROCD telling you? What's holding you back? You may be having a lot of thoughts about yourself because of this, and I know this is really tough, but you should try to just let them pass. There's a lot of thoughts that are there just because. How do you usually think of yourself? What do you say? What's your inner critic saying all the time? Mine is pretty negative, so I'm trying to focus on improving that with positive talk and compassion, even if I don't believe it. I bring this up because IF this happens to you, it's not because what you're thinking is true. It's because you're just so used to those thoughts that you may end up believing them. It's okay to feel you want to date. Loneliness really sucks, but you aren't alone. I get where you're coming from with everything. Even if I don't feel like I'm ready for relationship stuff. It would just be nice to experience. I hope this helps in any way.

Username: Northern_DownpourNorthern_Dow...

Date posted: 42w ago

Usually my ROCD just gives me such bad intrusive thoughts and anxiety around relationship. Mostly because of my abandonment issues and fear of getting hurt, I guess. As well as worrying about hurting my partner somehow or picking the wrong person to date. It's a mixture of everything. My ROCD always tells me something new and scarier every day when I try to pursue relationships. It's happened three times and the anxiety is so bad I can't sleep, sometimes I can't eat and most of my day is consumed by it with very few moments of relief. I get compulsions to break up and i get anxious committing. Everytime I move on from one ovsession another happens in ROCD. Even If i wanted to try and fight it ... I dont want to put someone else through that or have to have them put up with my mental health. I know I have to work on my ROCD first but I don't know if I'll ever be ... healthy enough to have a good relationship. On top of that, who knows how long it'll take until I'm in a place where I can date? .. im gonna be so lonely. I'm glad someone can relate, though. I'm like you, my inner critic is negative, and mean. I self sabotage and everyone knows it, lol ..

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 42w ago

@Northern_Downpour I think a cruical first step for both of us is to learn compassion, and unconditional love and kindness for ourselves. We're struggling with OCD and it's really tough. We have had our ups and downs with experiences in life and we both have trouble with thinking positivity about ourselves, believing in ourselves, and treating ourselves like we would other people around us. ROCD is really tough for you, so that's something you could definitely tell your therapist about to get a better perspective of things. But the main thing we have to do is learn self compassion and thinking of ourselves better. I think something that can help you is thinking about what lowers your confidence, what keeps you down, and what holds you back. We already have a good example, which is relationships. You think that you aren't good enough for one, while pretty much everyone on here including me and close people in your life would say otherwise. You've written with clarity how it makes you feel, and how you feel about yourself in regards to it. You just have to take it step by step to turn that around to a positive outlook. I know it's difficult, probably even uncomfortable because of how used you are to telling yourself the negatives of these things. Here's an example: "I'm single and there's nothing wrong with that. I liked someone but they didn't like me back. I stayed supportive of what they want with this person and while it sucks that they didn't like me back, I'll try my best to move on from this" I'm still trying to do this for myself, and it's really not easy, but it's something that we really should do for the better of our emotional and mental health. You will get to a place where you can date. I know you can. We just have to put our obstacles into perspective and do our best to overcome them with the help of our therapists. I just know that you'll look back on this one day and be really proud at how far you've come and that you'll be able to date with confidence and no ROCD related thoughts bothering you. Another absolutely huge thing we have to look over is our comparisons to others. This is something we can't help but do and it sucks, but trying our best to put the comparison thoughts into words and then shifting it into compassion and understanding can help. I can try with an example: "I may have friends that are in relationships while I'm not. And that's okay. They were single at one point and they've met someone. I (you and me) have met someone and know what it's like to really be attracted to someone, which is good. Everyone's time is different and we all just go at our own pace. That's totally okay." I hate to sound like a broken record but even if we don't feel the truth in this by any means, and we just can't believe in those perspectives, I think it still helps that we try to say this to ourselves. You really don't deserve any self sabotage, of self criticisms of any nature. You don't have to deal with this by yourself either. Relationships can be complicated altogether. Really, we shouldn't be upset that they happen often or that we will get everything right in relationships, but the comparing aspect is what makes it a challenging issue.

Username: ZeldaKorr32ZeldaKorr32

Date posted: 42w ago

hey there, i really feel for you. dealing with rocd is tough on its own, and adding in the complexity of dating while being masc-nonbinary sounds like a lot to navigate. it's not pathetic at all to want intimacy and connection; those are human needs. 🖤 since my own ocd theme is a bit different, i might not have the exact answers for rocd, but i've found some apps that really help me manage. one that really stands out is "unstuck ocd therapy tools." my local ocd support group recommended it, and it's been a game-changer. it offers ai-personalized guidance and exercises that you can use whenever you need them, which might be super helpful for managing those tough moments. another app i've tried is "gg ocd," which is more about teaching you the basics of cbt for ocd through small, manageable modules. it's not as personalized and doesn't help in the moment like unstuck does, but it's good for getting a grasp on cbt concepts. might be worth checking out too.

Username: Northern_DownpourNorthern_Dow...

Date posted: 42w ago

Oh yeah ,, and I'm asexual. And nobody wants a relationship without sex. 👎🏾

Username: Sake

Date posted: 4y ago

How to tell the difference between normal relationship doubts and ROCD? Im going on a rant now: I have avoided relationships for the most part over the last 10 years. as soon as I get past the 2nd or 3rd date I feel like if I dont know that they have the potential to be “the one” then I worry constantly about wasting my life and theirs. I had 2 relationships that lasted about 3 months but the whole time, I just wanted to get out even though they were both good guys. In November, I had my first panic attack and soon discovered what I was dealing with (and still managing it) is SO-OCD. Then I learned of ROCD and wondered if that is something I have struggled with since my teens. As soon as I get into a relationship I have these strong urges to break it off for minor stupid things. Things that honestly make no sense. Like a weird freckle or chin (real examples). Not to mention I am afraid of getting intimate because Im super paranoid of getting pregnant... I started talking to a guy during quarantine and it’s slowly turning into more than friends. I really like him and enjoy spending time with him but I am constantly worried. Being aware of ROCD has helped me be mindful of the present but all my old habits are trying to come back full force and I find myself trying to avoid him. Ive read as much as I can find on ROCD and I can check off almost all the obessions and compulsions that are associated with ROCD. But it doesnt affect me the same way SO-OCD did. Like I felt like I couldnt breathe, and I could barely be in public. I wanted to escape so bad all the time. With this ROCD (if thats what it really is) I dont feel that panic, I just feel worried, stuck, and distracted. Not to mention, if I can manage to stay mindful, how on earth do you even tell someone you just started seeing that you have ocd, let alone so-ocd and rocd. It just adds to me wanting to avoid him. Also, how do you go from being dateless and single for 2 years to starting a relationship in the middle of a quarantine while you’re learning that you have OCD.

Username: PinkLotus

Date posted: 2y ago

When my soocd and rocd first hit hard, it really shattered my world and the kind of stability I had in life before the constant fear of losing the one I love. When I got my first job, I buried myself in the idea that I was too busy to deal with it anymore, it helped that I started school and got a pet hedgehog as well. But some nights it hits me that this hasn’t gone away at all, I don’t spend night after night or day after day stuck in the same thoughts anymore but I feel so cold inside like I’m not worth anything and like I don’t deserve the love and attraction I think I once felt for my sweet boyfriend. I feel like the fact that I can’t “feel” those feelings for him anymore that I’ve spent so long chasing means I don’t deserve him, I feel like even though the great anxiety has stopped I’m still trying to chase down that love feeling and how it “should” feel instead of just feeling it for what it is. I’m still terrified that if I let go of my walls that I’ll realize I don’t love him and lose him. It’s hurting me bad and making me resort to bad coping mechanisms. I’m starting to seek out validation again and craving that rush of infatuation when in reality the only one I want is my boyfriend. For almost a year and a half I obsessed about sexual attraction, it’s really affected my intimate life. I have self-esteem issues about my body, my “skills”, fear of not liking it enough and false expectations just all cause me to not feel much in my body and it makes me horribly sad. My boyfriend says I need to accept the possibility that the things I fear could be true and that I could be with someone else but it’s so hard because I really don’t want that but the longer I fight it the further away I feel from him. I didn’t think ocd could be this complex and cause such havoc on my life. I kind of miss when I felt extreme anxiety every day and had the same thoughts over and over because at least then it was easier to know it was my mind games at work. Now it just feels like I’m sabotaging myself daily by chasing the feelings of love I want. I don’t want to ruin this otherwise healthy relationship, my boyfriend is my best friend and I still want that. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like a lot of people just have the obsessiveness and I’m here trying to deal with the side effects of the after math and it makes me feel so alone

Username: Northern_Dow...

Date posted: 1y ago

I dont feel like I'm built for love.

I dont know why my Relationship OCD is so bad. It's so bad that I lost my best friend of YEARS over an episode because I was scared I had a crush on her when I didn't. Even just the notion of dating makes me so anxious to my stomach. I get obsessions over every little thing about a relationship and it becomes all I can think about even if we're just in the talking stage. But its sad. Because I want to date. I dont like being single. I'm a hopeless romantic who wants to experience dating and a happy relationship. My friends get in relationships and I know I can't navigate relationships normally and that relationships are always just going to be working through severe anxiety for me. It feels like it's not even worth trying when all a relationship is for me is panic attacks and losing sleep over every little thing. I can barely enjoy it. On top of that, I'm asexual. It's so hard to date as an asexual because most people aren't willing to compromise on a relationship without sex. These two things combined make me feel like I'm just not supposed to experience that kind of love in my life. And it hurts because I've wanted to have a relationship and get married since I was a kid.

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