ROCD.

I'm sure this feeling is exasperated by my period right now but I'm just upset about my ROCD and the fact that I can't pursue a relationship. I just want to date. I know people say it's better being single but I want a relationship and I can't even have one because my ROCD is so bad that even just flirting makes me extremely anxious. On top of that being masc-nonbinary makes it harder so most people I'm attracted to are straight. The one person I found who likes me for me likes someone else and even if he didn't I can't date him because of my ROCD. I've been craving intimacy so much lately. Not sex just like cuddling and being held and personal talks and stuff. I guess I'm just lonely and longing. Feels kind of pathetic to cry over but. :')

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

Hi. I actually relate to how you feel to an extent. I've made a post about this topic as well in the same light. I know that there's nothing wrong with being single, but at the same time, some of us hit a point where we really want to experience that kind of thing in its entirety. I'm really sorry that the person you liked didn't reciprocate their feelings towards you. I said it before and I'll say it again, that doesn't mean anything about you at all. I too had a crush on someone but I don't think they like my back. I made efforts to talk to them over the phone and they didn't say anything back. They also didn't talk a whole lot to me back or made efforts to. At least from what I noticed. You said you couldn't date him because of ROCD even if it all worked out. What's ROCD telling you? What's holding you back? You may be having a lot of thoughts about yourself because of this, and I know this is really tough, but you should try to just let them pass. There's a lot of thoughts that are there just because. How do you usually think of yourself? What do you say? What's your inner critic saying all the time? Mine is pretty negative, so I'm trying to focus on improving that with positive talk and compassion, even if I don't believe it. I bring this up because IF this happens to you, it's not because what you're thinking is true. It's because you're just so used to those thoughts that you may end up believing them. It's okay to feel you want to date. Loneliness really sucks, but you aren't alone. I get where you're coming from with everything. Even if I don't feel like I'm ready for relationship stuff. It would just be nice to experience. I hope this helps in any way.

Northern_Dow...

Date posted: 1y

Usually my ROCD just gives me such bad intrusive thoughts and anxiety around relationship. Mostly because of my abandonment issues and fear of getting hurt, I guess. As well as worrying about hurting my partner somehow or picking the wrong person to date. It's a mixture of everything. My ROCD always tells me something new and scarier every day when I try to pursue relationships. It's happened three times and the anxiety is so bad I can't sleep, sometimes I can't eat and most of my day is consumed by it with very few moments of relief. I get compulsions to break up and i get anxious committing. Everytime I move on from one ovsession another happens in ROCD. Even If i wanted to try and fight it ... I dont want to put someone else through that or have to have them put up with my mental health. I know I have to work on my ROCD first but I don't know if I'll ever be ... healthy enough to have a good relationship. On top of that, who knows how long it'll take until I'm in a place where I can date? .. im gonna be so lonely. I'm glad someone can relate, though. I'm like you, my inner critic is negative, and mean. I self sabotage and everyone knows it, lol ..

BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y

@Northern_Downpour I think a cruical first step for both of us is to learn compassion, and unconditional love and kindness for ourselves. We're struggling with OCD and it's really tough. We have had our ups and downs with experiences in life and we both have trouble with thinking positivity about ourselves, believing in ourselves, and treating ourselves like we would other people around us. ROCD is really tough for you, so that's something you could definitely tell your therapist about to get a better perspective of things. But the main thing we have to do is learn self compassion and thinking of ourselves better. I think something that can help you is thinking about what lowers your confidence, what keeps you down, and what holds you back. We already have a good example, which is relationships. You think that you aren't good enough for one, while pretty much everyone on here including me and close people in your life would say otherwise. You've written with clarity how it makes you feel, and how you feel about yourself in regards to it. You just have to take it step by step to turn that around to a positive outlook. I know it's difficult, probably even uncomfortable because of how used you are to telling yourself the negatives of these things. Here's an example: "I'm single and there's nothing wrong with that. I liked someone but they didn't like me back. I stayed supportive of what they want with this person and while it sucks that they didn't like me back, I'll try my best to move on from this" I'm still trying to do this for myself, and it's really not easy, but it's something that we really should do for the better of our emotional and mental health. You will get to a place where you can date. I know you can. We just have to put our obstacles into perspective and do our best to overcome them with the help of our therapists. I just know that you'll look back on this one day and be really proud at how far you've come and that you'll be able to date with confidence and no ROCD related thoughts bothering you. Another absolutely huge thing we have to look over is our comparisons to others. This is something we can't help but do and it sucks, but trying our best to put the comparison thoughts into words and then shifting it into compassion and understanding can help. I can try with an example: "I may have friends that are in relationships while I'm not. And that's okay. They were single at one point and they've met someone. I (you and me) have met someone and know what it's like to really be attracted to someone, which is good. Everyone's time is different and we all just go at our own pace. That's totally okay." I hate to sound like a broken record but even if we don't feel the truth in this by any means, and we just can't believe in those perspectives, I think it still helps that we try to say this to ourselves. You really don't deserve any self sabotage, of self criticisms of any nature. You don't have to deal with this by yourself either. Relationships can be complicated altogether. Really, we shouldn't be upset that they happen often or that we will get everything right in relationships, but the comparing aspect is what makes it a challenging issue.

Northern_Dow...

Date posted: 1y

Oh yeah ,, and I'm asexual. And nobody wants a relationship without sex. 👎🏾

Mariabae

Date posted: 20w

rocd

I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 12w

I feel like I want to be single… ROCD?

Lately I’ve been having moments where I want to be single and explore other possibilities, like new relationships or flings. Sometimes I even feel like I do not want to marry my partner. Those moments honestly scare me. In the last two days alone, I almost broke up with my boyfriend three different times. I love him, and I want to love him without these moments/urges to leave. I’ve been feeling especially numb and distant this past month, and while my OCD has been quieter, my connection to the relationship feels like it’s slipping. I feel like I might be glorifying the idea of being single, like the freedom and exploration seem so idealized. I’ve been looking for posts that sound similar to what I’m going through (yes, I know that’s a compulsion), and I’ve found a few that made me wonder if maybe OCD is more involved in this than I initially thought. I just really don’t understand how. Could it be a mix of my numbness and OCD? Could the urge to explore or the emotional flatness around the relationship be OCD showing up in a different way? One other thing I’ve noticed: whenever my boyfriend is sweet or romantic, I feel this deep guilt or just nothing. Like I cannot say “I love you” back without feeling like I’m lying. It makes me feel like a bad partner. I just want to understand how OCD might be playing a role in all of this.

mindofzara

Date posted: 12w

ROCD pains

Hi all, I’m quite new to the whole ROCD thing as I was just diagnosed after years of thinking I just “wasn’t meant for love/dating” because of how horribly I would spiral into a depressive, extremely dread-filled and horrifically anxious state of mind and immediately cut it off during the talking stage with guys. After breaking up with a guy who I truly liked and cared for TWICE, I was finally diagnosed with OCD and it all really makes sense now. It feels weird trying to explain it to others though… I don’t know if I’m alone in these feelings, but it feels like every time I start talking to a guy—usually after the first date but the worries are extreme even in the beginning when I perceive that they are starting to like me—I end up in this major depressive episode where I don’t feel real or like myself, I can’t take care of myself, I’m either hysterically crying or I feel numb, I feel completely trapped (even if we’re not officially dating yet), I question everything in case I’m missing a red flag of some kind or some hint that this person isn’t right for me (even with simple things like a guy giving me flowers, I end up thinking “is this moving too fast? Is he being weird? Is this love bombing? What if he has an ulterior motive? Why did he really give me these?” when logically I know it’s probably nothing) I feel like I’m always looking for evidence to see if they are secretly weird, if we aren’t compatible (always “casually” ask them to take the Myers-Briggs Personality Test to try to find out as much information as humanly possible right off the bat due to fear of being stuck with them only after realizing their real personality) It then typically escalates to a point where I never want to check my phone in fear that they texted me, I feel smothered from any communication, I wish for them to break up/break it off with me, the thought of them just icks me out and almost disgusts me, I can’t get out of bed, I can’t stomach going out with friends or family of theirs, and I usually need to introduce 24/7 drugs of some kind (weed and nicotine) to my daily routine to cope with the feelings/use it to eat something because I can’t eat when I’m with them/due to the anxiety around dating them. With the man I just broke up with FOR THE SECOND TIME AFTER A WEEK OF DATING, it had gotten to a point—as it always does—where the pain of trying to be with them is greater than my appreciation for them. I might smile at my phone when they text me and be full of joy around them, but the portion of time when I’m NOT around them and left to just think about the relationship or observing how they are behaving rather than being in the moment is just too much. Once I break it off though, it feels like a bag has been lifted over my head and I’m finally back to my normal self. I usually need a couple days to emotionally recover, and then I’m up and cleaning my home, taking care of myself, and back to making plans with others. I feel lonely then and might miss them, but I know it’s just not fair to ANYONE right now to date someone like me. Is this relatable? Do I sound crazy? - Z

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