For the last few hours I’ve been in a state and confused and I’ve been crying and it’s been bad please help I know reactance isn’t the answer but I’m really suffering and can’t go to sleep until I figure this out please
Hi lu22, I know how it feels to be desperate to get your brain to stop going to such dark and disturbing places. Maybe it helps to know that that's common with OCD: super creative, dark, rapidly evolving thoughts that are deeply disturbing. I know I've been there. The hell you're feeling now can't possibly be permanent, it will pass eventually. In states like this, I remind myself that my thoughts are not who I actually am, they're just a storm of ideas my mind is throwing at me, and there are lots of terrible thoughts in the storm that are false and not worth believing, even if they're very persistent. I hope you're feeling better soon - be kind to yourself.
@Paulo_ I started imagining a disgusting thought on purpose and it’s about pocd but I don’t feel anxious or disgusted and can easily imagine in and feel tempted to think about it and now I’m worried I’m a p
@Paulo_ Thank you for your reply 😞
Hi lu22 I feel bad that no one has responded. You sound desperate. You need to sleep. First, you've normalized your thought. It's now a normal thought for you. Great! Also, it's a thought you don't have to do what it says. It's bullying you. Also you have not explicitly said what the thought is. Are you embarrassed? Guaranteed one of us here has had it. Don't be embarrassed. The purpose of an intrusive thought is to go against who you are morally. If you can label the thought, take 10 deep breaths. Calm down. Acknowledge this: - I am not my thoughts - the content of my thought does not matter, the fact that it causes distress does. - take 10 deep breaths. I like to say a mantra while doing it. - distract yourself with something upbeat to give you new more predictable and happy thoughts. This will work to help you sleep tonight. I strongly suggest you bring this up to your therapist the next time you see them. Sleep well and good luck
@Truesdale1315 Sorry to send you all this thank you for your reply I really appreciate it I feel so alone I don’t understand why I don’t feel disturbed or an trying to avoid the thoughts especially since it’s a new theme shouldn’t I be terrified ? But instead I’m deliberately imagining something so bad and rather than intrusive thoughts it’s like thoguhts tempting me to think about it and then I don’t get anxious when I do imagine it which makes me think I like it and I’m worried but don’t feel worried I’m jsut confused
@Truesdale1315 Also I don’t even know if I want to or don’t want to think about it ? Like I jsut feel really confused but feel Like I need to imagine things and its bad
I’ve only ever had harm ocd and pocd is new to me (I have had thoguhts in the past but it’s never been like this) but with my harm ocd I became almost desensitised to the thoughts and would imagine them on purpose over and over to gauge my response/try to make myself anxious to know that I don’t like the thoguhts. I’ve never had many intrusive pocd thoughts but I started worrying recently about it and I randomly decided to deliberately imagine doing this really disgusting thing and it was like a scenario as well and it’s like I can feel what it feels like to do that it’s really weird and doesn’t feel disgusted by the thoguht or anxious it feels like any other thoguhts but almost felt like because I can imagine what it feels like to do that, it feels like I might like it? And idk if it’s because I’m associating it with a sexual thought but i so easily imaginined it with no anxiety and then I started thinking why am i not bothered or disgusted or anything and then I would over think and talk about it till I start crying a lot and then I think im being fake and not actually sad or upset since I didn’t initially feel disgusted. It feels like now I don’t get intrusive thoughts but more so get almost thoughts that are tempting me to imagine these horrible things but the way the thought I was imagining it like a scenario and it makes me think how can I sit there imagining that in so much detail does that mean i like it and am trying to imagine it because it would happen or im fantasising and it’s worrying me but i don’t even feel worried I jsut keep talking about it going back and forth with family members till I start crying and feeling confused and numb
@lu22 Hi Lu, The fact that you are so distressed on whether or not this is real, should tell you a lot. POCD is distressing, really it all is. No thought it better than another. You really need to calm down and understand that right now you don't need to make any kind of decision on if it's real or not. You are putting yourself into fight or flight mode and that's more concerning. Please try to calm down. Everything will seem ok in the morning. As for the thoughts with temptations, that's intrusive too. Think about it all this way: someone giving you unwanted attention. It can be something they say, a look, or something they do. Your mind does the same! Aren't they mean? Tell them off and set up healthy boundaries in there! I really want you to try the breathing and distract your mind with something you know won't trigger the thought.
@Truesdale1315 Thank you for your response today I woke up feeling down and worried that I would think of the thoguhts on purpose again and I was really concerned that would happen again but later on in the day I started imagining it again over and over and it’s a really disgusting thoguhts but I keep imagining it and don’t feel anxious or disgusted and I’m think why do I keep imagining it and don’t feel anything? I want to feel anxious so I can know it’s not me but now I jsut keep imagining this horrible thing, I keep thinking if I can choose to imagine it and not feel worried that I’m imagining such a bad thing on purpose doesn’t that mean it’s true?
@lu22 Hi Lu, I really hope you are working with a therapist. What I see is you are triggering your thoughts in hopes of an anxious response. I've had ocd for a long time now and can tell you, that I've done the same. When you trigger them long enough you become desensitized. It's part of the healing process. It now sounds like you are concerned that you actually like the thoughts. From my understandgging, these thoughts made you anxious and now they do not. This is the healing process. Let the thought play out, or shut it off. The same way you would change a channel on the tv. Also sometimes bad thoughts come into your head, doesn't mean that they're always true. Think of it this way, someone that is afraid of cats. They keep getting exposed to the same cat over and over again. Eventually they don't mind the cat. It doesn't make them want a cat, but that cat they don't mind. The person now can comfortable walk past the cat, say hello and move one. Your thought is the cat.
@Truesdale1315 I’ve had intrusive thoguhts about pocd but they were very few and now I started worrying because I must have randomly had an intrusive thought’s and decided to experiment with the thoughts and deliberately imagined that disgusting thing but felt nothing and all I could feel was how real the thoguht felt almost like I lived through it like I knew how it felt to do that and now I’m thinking how do I know I imagined it to test myself because I’m not sure now I can’t remember it almost feels like I’m jsut imagining it for the sake of it or is it because I know I’m trying not to and feel tempted to think about it but it feels like I feel tempted to think about it and idk if that’s because of ocd or what if i secretly like or am intrigued? I want to feel disgusted and I don’t idk why. I spoke to a family member and they said maybe you like it but you know it’s bad (idk if they done that so I would say ‘no I don’t like it’) but it made me feel even worse also im worried because I don’t react to the thoguhts but at the end of the day I start talking to family members about it feeling hopeless and then start arguing but even then I don’t feel extremely stressed even thoguh I start crying but I am Quite an emotional person and get angry easily so my head is saying since you don’t react to the thoguhts maybe even this crying and getting angry is fake as well and your jsut doing what you usually do with getting emotional. It’s weird idk if it’s because I don’t fully believe it but am still worked up but i feel like even when I’m telling my mom I’m worried or I don’t know what to do it feels like I’m faking it and I’m not worried and jsut complaining for the sake of it because sometimes I do drag on arguments for no reason it feels like or because I am argumentative but I feel like I’m working against myself. Sorry I’ve given you my whole life story but I’m so full of doubt and confusion i feel scared I don’t want this to be my reality I don’t even believe myself and feel fake or I saw someone saying on a forum once that they have evil desires but don’t give into them because there’s things in life they want to do - and reading that worried me because I started thinking omg is that possible that’s me as well? I hear things or read things and it can affect me a lot I wish I wasn’t so sensitive 😞
@Truesdale1315 Sorry didn’t realise it was such a long message I really appreciate your reply thank you so much for replying
Hi lu22, I really hope you're working with a good therapist. If not, I strongly recommend getting one. ❤️
@Paulo_ I don’t have a therapist I don’t know where to find one Because some people say they therapist didn’t understand and reported them and I’m worried
@lu22 I dont know where you live, but if it's somewhere in North America or Western Europe, I can be sure a good therapist is someone trained and legally licensed to practice, often a "psychologist" by title. And you can ask any of them whether they specialize in OCD, which is particularly good if you have OCD. You can ask a standard general practitioner doctor for suggestions or referrals to therapists, too. Family and friends are good for support, but OCD is tricky and difficult for most people to understand, and propper professional help is much more dependable, in general. Therapists properly licensed and specializing in OCD will almost always understand, and I speak from experience.
Hi Lu, I'd like to try to get you some help. Where do you live and how old are you? This will help me find the right therapist for you. This app also has therapists on it.
The thing is lu, we can keep talking about your thoughts, however this isn't going to make them go away. You need the skills to be able to block them.
@Truesdale1315 Today I was in a shopping centre and I felt fine I felt normal with no thoughts around kids and then later I saw one and imagined one do those thoguhts and i didn’t feel anything it almost feels like I like the thought and it felt vivid and real but now I’m worrying about it why does that happen? I’m even worried that I’m not worried? Like what is going on
@Truesdale1315 I’m scared it feels real I don’t want this to be true why do I not feel anything when the thoughts happens or when I imagine it but I feel worried
@lu22 Lu I cannot answer this for you I am not a licensed professional. I am just another person with OCD. I hear your struggles. You need to seek professional help.
I am so so upset and anxious right now. At this point I badly need reassurance as Im feeling a whole panic attack coming on. Has anyone ever had the feeling in their head and body like they are actually going to act on a terrible harm related intrusive thought like it actually feels like you are. Im scared as fuck i dont know what to do because What if i actually do that i am so scared does it ever feel like your on the edge of doing it and you get this whole intrusive urge in your body PLEASE REPLY please tell me experiences
HARM OCD VENT. I feel Terrified. I am so scared that I am going to act on a terrible harm ocd intrusive thought on someone else. The idea, the sensations the urges terrify me because it feels so scarily real. I feel like im a horrible person - a danger and i’m so guilty for having intrusive thoughts. I hate knives, I avoid looking at them in real life, in the kitchen as i’m so terrified that i will do sone thing terrible. I get excited when my boyfriend cones round as i always think he knows about my thoughts so at least he would restrain me if i were to do anything bad. I just feel so scared so guilty. I have this horrible sensation of urge running through my body- currently im on the verge of tears- i feel lost. My ocd has even latched onto pumpkin carving - scared i will do something bad. Now my OCD is just being like “ maybe your avoiding is all fake and your trying to cover your a bad person” “ what if u actually want to “. “ I want to “ “ You arnt actually trying to hard from harmful objects “ its TERRIFYING. please may someone reply - I’m terrified right now its like an intrusive FEELING is in my body. Sorry guys. I NEED reassurance at this point, I don’t know what to do.
Tonight is one of the hardest nights I’ve ever had with harm ocd. It’s really one of those nights I’m doubting it’s ocd. I’m having panic attack after panic attack and it’s been the past couple of days where it’s been its highest. I’m doing everything I can to cope, like a hot shower (in the middle of a panic attack, hardest thing ever) skin care, turning my diffuser on and skincare. I took a klonopin but it hasn’t kicked in yet. My brain is beating me up with thoughts like “who thinks like this, you’re a serial killer! A murderer! You should be locked up!” Watching my family around me have peace and be normal is so hard because I’m here struggling to just lay down and relax. Part of me feels like I’m gonna lose my mind and end up in the hospital tonight. I just need positive reinforcement and people who can relate. Are you guys there?
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