I said something out of spite during an argument with my boyfriend and it was really bad and untrue and I’m ashamed with myself because I really hurt him and myself too. I immediately apologised when I realised how stupid I was and he was still upset but he said he forgives me and I need to stop talking about it and move on but I can’t. I can’t get over it and I hate myself and I ruined everything and I wanna go back and I feel like I’ll never be happy again. And it’s so annoying because we were finally in a good place after my rocd and now I’ve ruined it again.

I know how it feels but putting so much blame on yourself will only make things worse. Relationships are never perfect. Whoever tells you that they don’t get mad or say things out of spite for their boyfriends or girlfriends is a liar. Forgiving and moving on and not making the same mistakes is important and makes the relationship stronger and better. Just practice working on those things. But most importantly forgive yourself.

It won’t feel the same for a little while, but that’s normal. You just said something hurtful which hurt both parties. It’s normal for people to feel that or go through that but with time it heals. The more and more you keep your mind on things you will just make things worse for yourself and fall into a hole of overthinking and regret. Forgive yourself. Tell yourself that you forgive yourself and that it was a mistake. People get thoughts and say things and they don’t even know where that came from but that’s what being human is all about. There’s nothing that can solve that. It’s just being a human. The only thing you can control is how you take the next step.

My advice to you is to stay away from posts like that which can trigger potential thoughts, actions or worries. I don’t read posts about, “who’s a good boyfriend, is my boyfriend abusive, does my boyfriend really love me” because when I read those posts I start to overthink and it clouds my judgement severely. I’ll be honest and open with you. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and I can’t trust him fully when sleeping next to him. My fear is that he will (trigger warning) sexually assault me. I had something happen to me when I was a child, and it prevents me from being vulnerable with my boyfriend. I try to sleep next to him and a few minutes later I’ll get thoughts about “what if he touched me and I could not feel it” it still scares me but I still carry on. It hurt my boyfriend, but we’re still together so I hope you feel better knowing your not alone.

But that’s just a feeling you have. It isn’t reality. Next time or in the time being just don’t react in that way. You know? But you feel bad so that shows you’re not a terrible human. You’re just a human being with normal emotions. We all make mistakes but the most important thing is that you actually feel bad and want to work on yourself to better yourself. You’ll be okay don’t worry so much. Your boyfriend apologized so you can show him in a meaningful way your appreciation of him. Totally your choice

I really didn’t mean it and thinking back I don’t know why I even said it. But we had a perfect day yesterday until that argument and it literally ruined that whole day and it doesn’t feel the same thinking back to it and it’s all my fault

Thank you you’re very kind. But what I said was really bad. It was something along the lines of “you’re only nice to me in person so you can use me for sex and that’s rape” and I regretted it immediately and felt so bad and he obviously reacted badly too because why wouldn’t he. He’s a lovely person and nothing of the sort like what I said but I felt angry and felt like I wasn’t being listened too. I also read on Instagram that day before I said that something about guys leading girls on for sex a lot and that should be classed as rape and obviously I didn’t think anything of it then because my boyfriend has been with me three years and is a gentleman. But maybe I said it out of spite and stuff cos that’s what I read and I just felt like I wasn’t being listened to or treated very nicely at that time. I know I’m just making excuses now and I’m a terrible person for saying that and hurting him and I don’t know if I’ll ever get past this and feel the same and I don’t know if he will either (even though he said to forget about it)

No i don’t have intrusive thoughts about it. I just said it out of spite to make him feel bad because I was angry at something completely different which I know is fully wrong and isn’t like me. And I feel guilty for saying that and hurting him that badly and I feel like I’ll never be happy again or get over this.

Thank you for listening to me :( so I should just move on as normal and not beat myself up about it?

Still feel bad