This is so bad pocd

This is so bad I don’t know how I’m going to survive this life this new problem I have is taking its toll on me I feel like life isn’t the same now. No one cares no one understands. I started suddenly having pocd I’ve never had it before But I deliberately imagined something really disgusting about licking/sucking and it’s bad and I imagined it on purpose it wasn’t an intrusive thoguht but I don’t. Feel disgusted or anxious or anything I jsut feel nothing now I keep imagining it in hope I will get anxiety but I feel like I can make myself have shudders/anxiety on demand so I think it’s fake now and Soemone on here wrote as long as you feel disgusted that means it’s not a desire and your not a p but now I don’t know what I feel and i just want to live a normal life

[Deleted]

Date posted: 1y

Comment deleted by user

lu22

Date posted: 1y

@Chris. Thank you a lot, I really appreciate it , I think I will be able to sleep without worrying now. I’ve had harm ocd for two years but never experienced pocd but I know I’ve become desensitised to thoughts because with harm ocd I kept imagining the thoughts to test myself but with this pocd it felt different this time and I feel nothing. Do you think it’s possible to get use to feeling anxious and it’s like I’m definitely feeling hopeless and lost and feel something but I’m not sure if it’s anxiety, I jsut feel worried I will keep imagining the thoguhts I almost feel like obsessed with imagining and I’m worried it means something or I won’t be able to stop also worried I like it and would want to imagine it 😞 I feel like I’m on the edge of a cliff and I’m scared but almost as though I’m aware I’m on the edge but I’m not reacting when I should feel anxious. Im worried Because even when I tested myself by imagining harm intrusive thoughts I gave in to much and was imagining it way to much because I wanted to make myself anxious and I’m worried I will do the same with this, also one of my family members I spoke to and they said ‘maybe you like it but know it’s bad’ idk why they said that maybe trying to do reverse psychology or something so I would say ‘no I don’t like it’ since I was confused but it made me even worse and feel really bad, I don’t know why I believe things about myself so easily 😞 thank you for your reply, do you have any advice because I keep feeling tempted even to imagine it and I don’t know why I’m worried it’s because I’m bad, is it jsut an obsession to think about it ? Or is it because my mind knows I’m trying to avoid thinking of it so it makes me want to imagine it? Thag sounds bad as well or i feel like how do I know I don’t want to think about it? I feel like why can’t I firmly know ‘of course not I hate this’ but I’m jsut confused and don’t know how I feel and I’m stressing people around me out it can’t be an easy thing for them to hear but I feel really hopeless and need to be saved from this it feels like its the end if this is true 😞

lu22

Date posted: 1y

@Chris. Sorry I didn’t realise the message was this long

lu22

Date posted: 1y

@Chris. Also I’ve never had a time where I had loads of pocd intrusive thoguhts it was jsut be now and again but my main problem was harm ocd, I know I was numb from the harm ocd thoguhts but I’ve never had these pocd thoguhts that much to know if I’m numb to them? But it feels like I didn’t react when I deliebralty imagined them and idk why

lu22

Date posted: 1y

@Chris. Thank you for speaking with me I really appreciate it, I feel really alone I know others go through this but in my mind it’s still a very lonesome and personal battle and I’m so so doubtful and overthink so much even over dumb things like choosing what to eat I could spend half an hour choosing let alone with this ocd it’s even worse. So I feel like even knowing other people have the same problems it feels like what if my problem is different and there’s is ocd and mine isn’t and it feels like my mind isn’t arguing on my side and Almost feels as though I’m not arguing for the reasons why it’s not true about me and almost like I’m trying to prove that my ocd is right about making me think I’m bad which is really confusing and makes me feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore

lu22

Date posted: 1y

@Chris. I’ve just seen on your profile that you’re 19? I’m 20. We’re so young to be having these horrible problems and I don’t want to live with this forever. Other people my age don’t realise how lucky they are just to have peace of mind and not deal with ocd.

lu22

Date posted: 1y

@Chris. Hi there sorry to bother you again but I woke up today and now my head is saying ‘how do you know you don’t like the thoughts’ how do you know that’s not you, I mean I’m 21 years old does that mean if it was true I would have been from before and not suddenly ‘become’ one out of no where? I feel worried and keep feeling okay and then spiralling and feeling worried feels like I’m trapped but it’s feels real 😞 I jsut want to have a normal day say if I can’t get over this 😞

lu22

Date posted: 1y

@Chris. I don’t have a therapist and no I’m not taking any medication. Jsut now I was randomly getting ready to go out and I was adjusting my clothing and I suddenly had a thought imagine you started touching yourself and thinking of that and it almost felt like an urge and then I had a thought like you can become one even if you weren’t before if you gave in to doing that and I feel worried but I feel nothing at the same time like I’m not panicking but feel bothered and confused or maybe I’m more anxious than I think but now I’m thinking say it’s true 😭😭😭 I don’t know what to do, it feels really real, I need to know that I’m not like that but I’m scared now

lu22

Date posted: 1y

@Chris. I feel numb to everything and it’s worrying me I don’t know what to do I jsut want to know that I’m not like this and I keep trying to move on and I can’t because it feels real I don’t even know what I feel I could be feeling very anxious but I’m not sure I don’t even know how I’m feeling

Anonymousssssss

Date posted: 21w

Help

I deal pretty heavily with this. The last couple days, I’ve had what I think are urges. Something pops into my head intrusively and then what stems from that is me WANTING to just indulge in it even though it’s gross. I get worried bc I used to struggle w thoughts about my dad for a long time until eventually I just purposely thought of him while self pleasuring and got off to it. While that’s something I did, it is NOT me. It all stemmed from my mental health declining a couple years back, I was never this way before. So I get worried that it almost happened or might happen with my pocd cuz I could never live with myself if it did.

HOY

Date posted: 20w

False arousal and uncertainty

Just gonna vent, this never happened to me before during my 20 years alive. Whether it is POCD or not, I have truly lost my sense of self and my innocence. Why of all things did this have to happen. Ive been experiencing more strong groinal responses and mixed feelings of arousal regarding specific thoughts. Its so odd, cause last month none of this happened, it was mainly just anxiety and mental breakdowns. Never did I think I would experience physical sensations as well. Acting on compulsions as well left me feeling absolute confusion, Ive stopped doing that but now I get the urge here and there, and Ive learned to sit with the discomfort. All this leaves me with more questions on whether I will truly get through this or not, or if people will understand my situation. On certain days I feel fine, on other days its sheer terror. I blame myself mainly for this all, It is scary as these images, causing both arousal and terror, only result in me feeling like a shell of my former self

POCD

HOY

Date posted: 17w

i dont know if its gonna get better

since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.

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This is so bad pocd

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