I was doing really well until yesterday, where the goalpost was moved and my grounding and mindfulness exercises werent working. I eventually lapsed in a panic attack in the middle of the night. Today i just feel like im wasting away, my body is weak, i feel sick, I cant summon any motivation. I havent really given in to my thoughts, but i really dont have the energy to care rn.
You’ve got this Logan! I’m pretty sure it’s not your first spike or your last. That’s what I’m facing too. Each time it’s a little easier, a little different, a little the same. Ugh. But, we have each other and we can support each other.
Thank you Joey. I always try to do my best, it can just feel so aimless at times.
Yeah my therapist told me that grounding and meditation exercises don't do shit for OCD. OCD laughs in its face It's such a bully. I just learn that I can sit with the unpleasant emotions until they pass, which they always do. I'm really just afraid of a feeling. And while it's scary and terrifying, feelings aren't dangerous. (OCD convinced me that uncertainty = bear attack lol) You may feel weak today, you may feel weak tomorrow. Don't let OCD win. It won't. Remember it attacks everything you love and care about. It's not you.
@phillyspecial Just FYI, sitting and letting thoughts and feelings pass is meditation 😂 you’re practicing staying present and detachment.
@Nica But meditation is intentional. Letting thoughts and feelings pass when you're distressed is response prevention
@phillyspecial I've tried to do meditation and ocd comes in and tells me it's a lie. I think there is a difference between mindfulness and true response prevention
@phillyspecial Everything is intentional in some way or another if you want to get semantic. Meditation has many benefits and yes, it’s intentional sitting down and staying present and letting the thoughts be, you then you ALSO practice mindfulness, which is continuous staying present and letting thoughts be without reacting to them. Mindfulness, I’d say, is more important but some people can’t do mindfulness, so meditation is an option. Many options and trying them out over time—because it’s continuous and life long—is better than saying it ain’t going to work, so don’t try it. Try it out, but also give it time and pivot if needed.
@phillyspecial What i do is ACT thought diffusion, ERP has never really worked for me. Recognizing im having a thought, recognizing that i am not my thoughts, that I have thoughts, they dont define my, i dont have to fight them, they arent always true, and then I let them go. I had a big drop in my intrusive thoughts over about a week. But if you rush and just repeat the mantra in your head without understanding it because youre panicked, its pretty ineffective.
Im doing better after spending time with my brother. Ive been a bit idle though.
@Nica Some days it works some days it doesn't. I've absolutely given it a chance before. I think that the point my therapist told me is that OCD can overpower any bit of mindfulness. It's sticky. It works but can also become a compulsion. "If I just let it go then it won't bother me" and then I just ruminate that phrase over and over instead of actually feeling the emotion. It's a delicate balance and I probably didn't word things correctly. It's not as black and white. I hope everything works well for you. Mindfulness and meditation help but they're not getting to the core fear of accepting the anxiety and feeling it for me
Also I'm straight and suffer with gay/bi ocd. Do you worry you're actually straight when in fact you're bi or gay?
Yeah. I was doubting myself after a bad breakup. Ive had several long distance relationships i loved, but that was the first in person. I enjoyed a lot of the in person moments, both romantically and sexually, but i couldnt handle the uncertainty, and had a lot of ROCD about it. Then I ruminated on my fears for months, wondering what was wrong that made me feel that way, "will i ever meet the right person", "What if im not really gay", and id break down how i felt and would feel at peace, but the OCD would always return. The past 3 weeks or so Ive started having intrusive thoughts about girls. When im confident in my attraction to men it tries to convince me im bi, when im struggling to open my heart it tries to convince me im straight.
I’ve been dealing with a backdoor spike the past couple months. I’m trying to be patient with myself, but I’m so upset I just want to cry. I was doing really good, but now this obsession plagues me all day. It hits me first thing in the morning and I hate waking up. I know how to do ERP, but for whatever reason, it’s SO much harder to spot and resist compulsions for this new obsession! Please don’t give me reassurance, but yeah, has anyone overcome a backdoor spike that lasted this long? It’s made my depression worse. I want to cry right now. It’s my brother’s birthday and I’m just so upset and on edge due to this discomfort. 😢
Ive relapsed pretty hard with my anxiety and depression, and ocd thoughts. I was doing so well for months and just suddenly everything feels so hard again. This week has been extra hard, I haven't had much energy do to much at all. It's like I've forgotten all the ways to handle my thoughts. I don't think I'm looking for tips or anything I just want to write this and maybe talk to someone here. Anyone here who's in a similar situation?
I've been working hard on managing my thoughts all week. It feels like each day i got weaker and weaker. To the point where I had to do the obsession. This is a frustrating cycle. I'm having one of those days where I would rather die.
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