help😭

I struggle so bad with intrusive thoughts. They can be so bad that I'll cry because I KNOW that's not how I feel or want to do. (Too embarrassed to say what they're about) I'll constantly try to figure out why I have them, and constantly figure out what they mean, causing me to constantly circle around and around. I had to get on anxeity meds, which helped a little but the thoughts still happen. How do you help yourself with this? How do you know that you're just not some physcopath? 😅

Two things are happening: I get thoughts that just keep looping. They almost feel like song stuck in my head. Also, I’ll imagine something and I feel my stomach drop. Then as the seconds go by I keep getting fragments of the this thought but with different details. For example, it’s kinda like how a “vision” is portrayed. I’ll get a glimpse of the thought and then it’ll rapidly expand into something worse every few seconds. I don’t know if I’m causing this or if it’s just an automatic thing like any other intrusive thought. It feels unavoidable, idk if this is a compulsion or if it’s just another manifestation of an intrusive thought. Apart from that remembering an intrusive thought triggers the full thought again and then it just keeps looping or expanding. I don’t know how to stop any of this. Help?

How do I stop letting my intrusive thoughts control me? Ive been having them for almost a year, once I graduated, become more isolated and lost more friends they've become worse. I feel like when I had friends and was still going to school they weren't as bad probably because I was living more so I didn't take them as seriously. But now that Im home all day and alone they've gotten worse and it feels like they're starting to control my life. Theres times where Im on social media and eventually I forget about them but then when I realize I forgot about them they come back. Sometimes the thought just lingers it doesn't even just pop in my head and go away. I can't tell anyone in my family because they'd judge me for the thoughts and they don't really believe in mental illnesses. I also sometimes think of what other people may think of me if they knew the thoughts I had and it makes it worse. How do I stop letting these thoughts control/trigger me and stop reacting or feeling some type of way about them.