my harm ocd is saying that i have to carry out my harm thoughts and that i have to do it. but i don’t want to? i don’t know how to sit with this it makes me believe that i’m genuinely an evil person :(
What works for me is saying to myself "maybe I do want to do that" and laugh it off". They used to be extremely violent thoughts when I was younger so I feel for you. It's tough
I am not a therapist so take my suggestion with a grain of salt or whatever you wish. But I suggest you reply to your OCD something like "okay... and?" Now this will bother the OCD but that is the point. OCD treatment is like bothering the OCD until the brain realizes it's full of crap, lol. You know your values, OCD attacks your values. Therapy can help reestablish and clarify your values. But in the mean time, don't let OCD win by giving into to its attack. Hope this helps!
As someone with Harm OCD as well I can relate to this feeling where your OCD is saying "if you want me to go away then do it" I've had harm OCD from the age of 17 I'm 24 now and its been towards my mom my brother my neices and nephews my pets it's horrible and makes me feel so much disgust and untrusting of myself but knowing it scares me shows me a lot more than just the fact it goes against my core values it tells me I have a genuinely good heart otherwise I wouldn't panic so much I will say GABA has helped quite a bit with the anxiety part of it you can get it on Amazon I recommend the 750mg ones they work pretty fast and have made a noticable difference in the severity of the OCD anxiety cycle
So sorry 😢 but your very courageous it definitely takes a lot out of you , I’ve been dealing for years not knowing I was actually dealing with OCD but I didn’t know it was harm. My prayers to you and everyone who is dealing with it.
Maybe label those harm thoughts to give you more distance. “Well there’s an intrusive thought”. Also the discomfort you feel when allowing the thought to come and go is part of the healing process. OCD has trained your brain to think of these thoughts as something important. They are intrusive thoughts everyone gets. By seeing them as that and letting the anxiety pass your are retraining your brain to respond properly. This is not easy but you are in the driver seat not your intrusive thoughts that latch on to what you care about.
.. In addition to that, don't sit there. Find something to do following that. It's srd to get out of your head if your brain has nothing else to focus on
Hard*
I was there . It does get better. What helped me was , speaking against them. I never liked them. It’s not easy how long have you had OCD harm ?
@Choosengrace_ i had little times where the thoughts got sticky but i was able to let it go. but it didn’t get this bad until a week ago.
@Choosengrace_ also if you don’t mind me asking what did your harm ocd look like? and what do you mean by speaking against them, i’m curious!
@stargirlll I wish we had a private message . ♥️ mine looked like harm towards someone I love 💕 things I like to enjoy 😉 🌿✨ it was awful . There’s urges that I couldn’t take. I would cry out to God about it . He comforted me ✨🌿♥️
I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice
I keep getting these horrible feelings come back that make me feel down or like my life isn’t the same. It feels almost like someone is holding you over the edge of a cliff and sometimes they pull you back and you feel safe and the next minute they dangle you back over and you feel like there is a big problem again. I feel like I can’t forget how it felt it made me feel like I’m actually evil and I wanted it and enjoyed it and I can’t be normal now. I feel like I don’t even know what I want. I try to forget and be normal but when I do it feels like how do I know I don’t actually want to be evil because it felt like that? And now it feels like what if that’s my true nature and I’m denying it and that makes me feel like well if I’m debating about whether I am or not maybe I actually do want it? I try to live normally but I can’t because I have ‘this’ problem. The thoughts were about stabbing and it felt like it was actually about to happen and I got this weird feeling that felt like I was suddenly really happy about it and discovered why evil people enjoy doing evil things and now I can’t get over that feeling emotion?? Because now I’m thinking how can I forget it felt like that?? And that feeling must still be there I’m jsut not looking for it like maybe if I sat there imagining those thoughts again maybe that feeling would come back ?? I don’t know what to do or who I am I don’t even know if I’m sad or if I’m worried or if I’m good or if I wanted that bad thing but that feeling has really affected me like I don’t know if I want to he evil or not and now I’m worried maybe I was impressed by that feeling what if I want that feeling again because it feels good what if because I felt like I was happy or enjoyed it now I want that again I’m so confused ?? What if evil people enjoy it and I’ve realised why they enjoy it and now I want that feeling again? I don’t know what to do
harm ocd is the bane of my existence. people always tell me that if you have anxiety over a thought, that’s ocd. and these intrusive thoughts cause me IMMENSE anxiety. i’m constantly looking for reasons why i’m not what these thoughts tell me i am. but WHY DOES IT FEEL SO REAL?? it’s like i can’t reassure myself that this isn’t me and i don’t want to do it, but i also look for reasons why it’s not me. my brain is constantly telling me “if you don’t act on this, you’ll never feel free”. WHAT EVEN IS THAT?? and why does it feel real?? anytime i think about getting therapy, i constantly think that it’s not going to help me positively but help me realize i am this person. i just wish someone with harm ocd could get into my brain, understand me, and tell me everything will be okay. i wish someone in recovery could tell me that they’ve been where i am, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts, and got through it when they thought they wouldn’t. i feel like i’m drowning in it. another thing is i think about how my mom knows a surface level understanding to this form of my ocd, but if she knew it all, i’m scared she’d never look at me the same. i’m scared she’d be scared of me and think i need psychiatric help. IM TERRIFIED.
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