Feel defeated

Everytime i try, my attraction to men is always just constantly underminded by constant intrusive thoughts. I just feel like what excuse do i have at this point. Im so unstable i cant tell up from down. Id feel like myself one day, and the next im convinced i have 0 attraction to men anymore, so what choice do i have but be straight, just to have a crush on a dude the next day. Being thrown through the ringer just kills me. It feels like my personality is being rewritten day by day, and I cant tell which thoughts are real anymore.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Man I’m the exact same way but on the other side. I know I like women, I have my whole life. But when I remind myself of that my mind goes “are you sure?” And then there goes my day. But I don’t know if you feel this but sometimes when I’m spiraling, my mind goes “you feel gay”, does your mind ever tell you that “your feeling straight”?

Logan_B

Date posted: 1y

My SOOCD has been nearly constant for the past 3 weeks. Ive had so many moments where i feel gay or bi or straight. Im so afraid of being someone im not, my mind constantly compells me to try and get off to it to upset me.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Logan_B Ya mine has been constant for about three months now. And I e had a previous episode that lasted a month about a year ago. Second times a charm I guess lol. And I’m the same where there’s been many times that I went “I must be gay, or no I must be bi! But I know I’m straight why is this happening.” It’s like a never ending interrogation, but when I do come back down to earth I remind myself what I was like before, your orientation doesn’t just get up and switch on you randomly. And if I liked it, it wouldn’t cause me any distress. My friend has this one quote written on her whiteboard that says “love isn’t earned, it’s automatically given until there’s a reason to take it away” and that kinda stuck with me. Because you have no reason not to love something until it does. And our thoughts cause us lots of digression, so where’s the love?

Logan_B

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Sometimes i feel relentlessly scared about my intrusive thoughts, othertimes they broadside me and i feel nothing, which makes me stress out later. It does everything in its power to make sure I dont adapt to it and get under my skin.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Logan_B Yep, there’s so many times I’m just frozen on my couch, just completely scared shitless of my thoughts. And ya I get times like that too where the thoughts pop up and I don’t feel that anxious feeling. But when that happens to me I honestly feel likes it’s because my body just doesn’t want to put up with this bullshit no more. There’s times too where I’m like “wow I feel fine!” Then I remember why I wasn’t fine before then boom goes the dynamite. I feel for ya, so-ocd is not fun in the slightest, but it’s kinda relieving to just know that these thoughts are being caused by something and aren’t actually our true thoughts

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

I’m like u but the opposite, I’m probably even worse considering I actually get arousal sometimes when I check/test myself. I guess the key is to stop checking and don’t take it seriously

Logan_B

Date posted: 1y

I spent the past 3 weeks being literally uncapeable of getting off to girls when i checked, and today I did. Stress and desperation can make you feel anything i guess.

ninkaninga

Date posted: 20w

Feeling lost :(

So i started to feel like a lesbian again and that i have to be one. I dont want to be one. I just dont. But being straight feel like a lie now. I question my whole life, my feelings and everything. The biggest indicator of this must be that i will be slowly 21 year old and ive never dated anyone and i dont really find anyone attractive and i dont even know if i truly was attracted to someone and im scared of relationships i might have trauma or have anxious avoidant attachment. Help me. I do feel lost. Really lost. I dont know who am I anymore. I feel like that i must have been gay my whole life now. I feel like an alien. I sometimes feel like 2 people are living inside of me.😞😞😞

What is happ...

Date posted: 19w

Can anyone relate?

anyone else have a good evening/ day then fall back down hurrendously the next day? Honestly yesterday I felt great! Like I knew what I like (opposite gender) and these ‘false attractions’ are just false alarms caused by OCD… like I knew these thoughts and feeling are OCD. Today I question it all over again. Are these false attractions real? Why has my loss of opposite attraction feel like it won’t return? Though yesterday I got snippets.

anonymous00981

Date posted: 14w

Uncertainty sucks.

I’m trying to live with uncertainty but it doesn’t feel right. The “I may or may not be bi/gay” really sucks because I can’t stop ruminating, analyzing, or checking. This especially sucks because I feel like literally EVERYTHING in my life leads to the fact that I’m a fraud which feels horrible. I can’t even talk to my friends the way I used to without feeling like I’m lying about myself. The false attraction and loss of attraction to men is literally horrible because now I feel like the life i fantasized for myself isn’t something I want.

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