what do i do?

i have a partner but almost every time i see a guy i have tingles or other body reactions or i think would i be with them? i also have thoughts about people from my past that i’ve been sexual with and some of the thoughts are sexual and flashbacks. this is causing a lot of problems for me and my partner i don’t know what to do. my partner gets insecure. i think about things like is this person better than my partner? did they satisfy me better? i compare and compare and i also have this thing where i confess and i’ve asked my partner if i should stop confessing even though i would probably feel guilty if i didn’t but they don’t want me to stop confessing or speaking how i think. i feel like i struggle with guilt aswell because i feel guilty for almost everything i do, sometimes things the normal person wouldn’t even think much about.

Username: Girl101Girl101

Date posted: 36w ago

I feel the same way! I know that it might not feel good to avoid confessing to your partner, but confession is actually a compulsion! It will give you temporary relief, but it is not necessary for you to tell your partner! I had thoughts that I had to tell my boyfriend that I thought other people were attractive and that I was scared that I had feelings for them, but my therapist told me that this will only give you a relief now and will actually just make the ocd worse! However it is important to have someone you trust to talk to about these things. I feel you and you are not alone with these thoughts!❤️❤️

Username: ocdlexocdlex

Date posted: 36w ago

@Girl101 but one reason i confess is because i don’t know if i mean the things i think, like how do i know it’s always just ocd or intrusive thoughts. sometimes i feel like a hoe and a lot of the thoughts i have of other people are sexual.

Username: ocdlexocdlex

Date posted: 36w ago

just even looking at a letter can remind me of things and it gets tiring especially with how i guilt myself sometimes

Username: Girl101Girl101

Date posted: 36w ago

@ocdlex I understand you completely! I have this oppression about a guy I have just all of the sudden decided that I am interested in even tho I am really not! He drives a porsche so everytime i see a Porsche my hearts stops and i fall into this spiral. I was so scared at the beginning because I thought I was this horrible person. I had a boyfriend, how could I think these things? That was my question. The thing with ocd is that the thoughts in them self might not be the worst thing in the world, and it might actually be I common thought, but with the ocd you start ruminating about the meaning behind that thought. That is what makes you feel the guilt. Thoughts come and go all the time and most of them are not even true. Therefore you can’t know if it is ocd or if it’s just a thought. What my therapist says that if you kind of rate the thought based on not how true it is but, but the source and kind of the likeliness of the thought you will fint it easier to just ignore and not confess. We all have thoughts but most of them are meaningless and don’t need to be analysed. Hope this makes sense and is helpful!

Username: ocdlexocdlex

Date posted: 36w ago

@Girl101 i do tend to think into things often like more than a average person would? i just want to be happy with my partner and not have issues of me thinking of other people. i just look at someone and that’s all it takes for me to feel weird about myself. it’s not even just looking and thoughts i get body reactions like tingles and warmth and the tingles are like almost constant now. sometimes i question if i can even be helped because what if this is just me and not ocd or intrusive thoughts

Username: Girl101Girl101

Date posted: 36w ago

@ocdlex I also do tend to think into things more often than I believe the average person does. Just a look at someone else gives me the same feeling! I experience guilt and shame around my thoughts, but remember that your thoughts do not define you and so not at all reflect your inner desire! That goes for both people with ocd and without! Would you call someone who have had the thought “I just want to hit them” a bad bad person that is violent. I would not! I recommend going to a therapist about this, but in my opinion I think this is intrusive thoughts! But I am no expert or therapist, I just struggle with the same thing!

Username: LovelyJones17LovelyJones17

Date posted: 36w ago

hey, i can tell you're going through a really tough time right now. it sounds incredibly challenging to navigate these intrusive thoughts and feelings of guilt while trying to maintain your relationship. remember, you're not alone in this, and it's okay to seek support. 💔 by the way, have you heard about this new ai-powered ocd therapy tool called "unstuck?" when i was dealing with similar intrusive thoughts and the overwhelming urge to confess, this free ai ocd therapy tool (unstuckmyocd.com/try) that my nocd therapist recommended really made a difference for me. i think it'll be especially helpful for you because it provides personalized step-by-step support when dealing with these exact types of thoughts and the guilt that comes with them, just like an ocd therapist would. i hate when people promote stuff, but i really think it can help you because it's changed my life. lmk if you have qs or just want to talk more! <3

Username: sofiarenee

Date posted: 1y ago

relationship ocd. so tired.

so back in july i made a mistake of going behind my partner’s back and hanging out with an old guy friend (who i had a romantic past with) and while i was hanging out with him i had a great time but man my thoughts were going crazy. i found him attractive, funny, etc. i’ve known him for years and everytime we would talk i felt there was some type of tension. like romantic or something. well i felt it again when we hung out and immediately regretted it because i know i love my boyfriend a lot and i felt like a horrible person for doing something like that. i couldn’t hide it from him any longer than i did (not even 3 days) so i told him and he got really upset. at the time i didn’t know what i want, either my boyfriend or that friend. i decided to stay with my boyfriend and ever since i’ve been getting crazy intrusive thoughts about my old friend (i blocked him so i don’t have contact with him). a few months later (now) i know that i want and love my boyfriend, i don’t want to be with anyone else. but i’ve been getting so many intrusive thoughts about that guy and seeing certain posts just remind me of him even when i don’t want them to. then my brain starts to spiral - ‘what if you actually want to be with him instead and you’re just in denial right now’ or something like ‘you dont love your boyfriend, if you did you wouldnt be having these thoughts’ and i’m just so..drained. i’m so tired of thinking about this guy, i seriously don’t want to think about him. i just want to be happy with my boyfriend. i keep telling myself i know what i want, because i do. i want to be with my bf and i want to be happy with him…i love him so much. but my brain just tries to tell me otherwise. i know i messed up and i’m paying the price for it. maybe i do deserve this. i just wish i could erase everything, my past, etc. and just move on. my boyfriend doesn’t hold what i did against me but he’s well aware of what happened and i know how it made him feel. i would do anything to take it back because he doesn’t deserve that, he never did. and i seriously want to be better for him. but these constant thoughts i get are always getting in the way and almost making me feel hopeless. i haven’t told my bf about these thoughts because i’m worried he would take it the wrong way. i really don’t think i should tell him because i know for a fact it would send us both down a spiral and i don’t want that. but, ocd will always try to get what it wants. anyone else going through something similar? some common humanity would probably ease my mind a bit. (in a non-compulsive way. or maybe this is a compulsion. idk.)

Relationship OCD

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 40w ago

Confessing

I have a constant need to confess past sexual fantasies to my boyfriend. the problem is I can’t figure out which ones were real and which ones were sexually intrusive thoughts (which i deal a lot with). When it comes down to it, I don’t know if this is a compulsion to confess or if I owe it to him bc it’s a form of cheating. I feel disgusted with my past thoughts/sexual fantasies. They are constantly playing in my head and I’m always wondering what my real intentions were during them. Is this something I am obligated to confess to him? these happened almost 2 years ago and some even longer. I just feel like if i confess one, I’ll just fixate on another and need to confess that too. I feel like a disloyal partner for having those thoughts and i don’t know how to deal with that.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 37w ago

pls help. should i confess?

i’m very aware that one of my main compulsions is confessing/seeking repentance, specifically from my boyfriend. however i can never seem to get past this one specific event from my past. to sum it up, i remember while having me time (if yk what i mean) i kept having random ppl that i know in my daily life popping into my head and sexual images of them kept coming in as well. i felt like i couldn’t fully control it which makes me think it was OCD and i didn’t know it at the time. however, a specific person that kept coming to mind is now standing out to me. i would be lying if i said he was not an attractive person, but i would never in a million years actually want to be with him in any way. i love my boyfriend with every fiber in me and i am confident i would never do anything to jeopardize that. the thing is that since i know i found him attractive at the time i am struggling with my intentions behind those thoughts i was having about him. although its out of character i wonder if it was real thoughts and not just intrusive. it feels like a cycle of me trying to figure it out and i feel so incredibly guilty at times over it that i feel as though i should confess this to my boyfriend. this happened over a year ago and this person is no longer even in my life but i still can’t shake it. is this something i would need to confess to him or is it just my OCD taking? also, something that feeds into my obsessing over this is that i remember distinctly trying to make sure i looked okay when i was around this person in the past. not in a way that i wanted him, but just that i didn’t want him to think i was ugly or anything. i don’t think this is uncommon to want to look good in front of an attractive person, but at the same time i wonder if i was seeking attention for the wrong reasons or something. it’s just so conflicting bc it’s very out of character for me.

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