Please, if somebody relates, answer...

Do we choose what we're attracted by? Or it is simply something subconscious that we can't control? Because I have no problem getting attracted if I notice the curves of a girl my age, but I get extremely uncomfortable and anxious when I notice those same inappropriate parts on a young girl. Instagram reels trigger me often. I obsess over the fact that I've noticed those parts in the first place because a normal person wouldn't even notice them at all, and I wonder if these are the signs of being a p***. I feel the need to check the inappropriate parts to check if I'm attracted or not, and to see if I can stop seeing it as triggering but as something that is just there without being unwantedly se&ualized by pocd. (I also feel more gross because I'm staring at those parts, even though for a compulsive matter and not for malicious intent). I'd feel like ending my life if these things were all just subconscious instincts of my brain making me one of those monsters, like you can't change that and I'm just lying to myself. I'd feel more at ease if everybody notice those things the same and just chooses to not be attracted according their morals, the fact that physical attraction could be a choice and not an instinct would make me feel better. There is freedom of action, but is there freedom of feeling and being? Or is that already predetermined? If I see a girl my age who's my liking I have no issue feeling attracted se&ually. If I'm born with the genes of a monsters it wouldn't matter what I do, I'd constantly be in denial of my sick twisted nature, right? Obviously I'd end my life before even dreaming of doing those horrible things that happen in my mind in the form of intrusive thoughts and image, as costant daily torture. Maybe there are people born bad but that overcome their nature and live a life of good deeds, but I can't tolerate it. If I'm born as a **** I have to die. I'm clinging of the fact that this is just POCD, just an ocd theme like the others that've come before. One thing that reassures me is that I've memories and proof of lots of different ocd themes throughout my early life till now. I'm diagnosed with OCD, but I don't trust it completely because my psychiatrist was a bit of a weirdo and his answers to my questions more triggering. I don't feel attracted on young girls, I avoid them, I only have interest on girls my age, but I'm so afraid that sometimes I could be because what I feel when I get triggered is so confusing and fuzzy, I feel like throwing up and I squint my eyes and contort my face (even more these are not enough to prove the fact that I'm disgusted because I think I could be just faking it, lying to myself), and maybe in that mixture of distressing sensations there is an element of denial of the horrible truth. There have been a lot of triggering moments when I genuinely thought to myself that I was attracted and that made me feel desperate, wanting to cry.

user2826728292

Date posted: 1y

hey I’m sure you’ve heard this before but a part of having ocd is worrying that you don’t actually have it. I also have pocd and do it to your not alone🫶🏼

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 1y

Peace to you https://youtu.be/6f3hxkdB4xA?si=-QX-clBbHQAQl2of

Shaodidi

Date posted: 13w

Help me

I was just out a few minutes ago and I saw this 9 year old kid, I felt what I hope is false attraction, idk if it was or not, I don’t understand what I felt, but I felt a need to look away but also a need to look to check if I was attracted or not, when I looked it genuinely felt like I was attracted, idk what’s happening but I don’t wanna be attracted to a kid, I’m convinced I’m a pedo bc of the amount of times something like this happened, I don’t know what this means, but I’m worried it’s not pocd, I’ve never gotten a diagnosis, but many ppl online said I did and I should see a therapist, i don’t know if I liked the feeling or not, but it made me have a feeling in my chest, similar to attraction, I’ve been trying to pursue a relationship with a girl my age, but this just feels so real, I don’t know if it was false attraction or not, It felt so genuine, now that I left, the feeling kind of dissapeared, but it felt like I was genuinely attracted to that, I can’t be attracted to that, I don’t want to be attracted to that, I think I’m just a pedo in denial, I feel like I’m writing all of this to try to convince myself I’m not a pedo even though I am, this feeling only happens sometimes when I see a female kid, Idk if it means something or not, but I don’t think it’s pocd, it feels too real for me, it feels like I’m actually liking kids, I really hope it’s false attraction. I don’t wanna be a pedo, I wanna be able to have a relationship with a girl my age. I don’t understand what’s happening, please help me. I can’t tell if this is pedophilia or ocd anymore. Edit: main thing is the feelings not the thoughts because it feels like genuine attraction, I also get urges to not look but to look at the same time, for me it’s mainly the feelings, they feel so real when I think abt it now I’m still getting those feelings, I’m so convinced that I’m actually attracted. It felt like real enjoyment, so I’m worried that I am a pedo bc of those feelings, I feel like I’m not able to pursue a relationship with someone my age. But this can’t have been ocd it feels to genuine, it felt like actual enjoyment.

POCD

Purvi

Date posted: 12w

POCD help

I'm posting something after a long. I have multiple Ocd themes and my main themes of sexual ocd is incest Ocd and Hocd and POCD has never been so active but today something happened that has been bothering me for a while. I was traveling in a bus and there I saw a kid/young teen. When I saw him, I instantly found him so attractive and then BOOM.. I started feeling like I'm attracted to him. I felt confused. I literally found him attractive and also thought that he would look really fine after growing up his face was so attractive but I don't want to be into him at all. I feel like I'm so much into him. I'm feeling very bothered by this feeling. I feel like I'm in denial and I should accept my attraction towards him. I don't want to feel this way at all. I don't understand what to do, how to figure out this feeling. I'm 99% sure that there was an underlying attraction I felt when I looked at him and realized that he is good looking. I feel like dying from inside and extremely confused. He's not in my bus now and I feel urges to just see him once to finally figure out that I'm into him or not but he is not here. I think I'm a pedophile which I don't want to be and everything is finished now, nothing would be same in my mind because I'm so paranoid and feeling like I'm into him. Please somebody help me and let me know if anyone of you has ever felt this way having POCD.

Shaodidi

Date posted: 11w

Pocd or not??

So I was never diagnosed with pocd but many ppl said that I have it and my therapist also said that I have ocd, I’ve recently been getting these thoughts and feelings of attraction towards kids, idk if it’s real attraction or not, but I worry that it’s true attraction because I don’t feel panic and anxiety towards those thoughts and feelings anymore, I used to feel that, but I also never felt shame or guilt for those thoughts and feelings. I also can’t tell if I want those thoughts and feelings or not. When I get those thoughts and feelings, I tell myself “I can’t be attracted to kids” and “being attracted to kids is bad” and “I wouldn’t like kids”. The main thing is I can tell if I am attracted to the kids or not, I feel like I want to know, but I also don’t know if I want to be attracted to kids or not, yet the attraction feeling feels so genuine, I can’t tell if it’s false or not, I try to compare my attraction towards a girl my age to the feelings I get when I see the kids. I’m also under the age of 16, and I’ve heard that people under the age of 16 are at risk of developing p#dophilia, I’m pretty sure I don’t want to become a pedo. But I can’t tell what I want anymore, I can’t tell if my feelings intrusive or not. Even though some people said that I have “textbook ocd” I still don’t believe it. These feelings and thoughts, I just don’t understand if I want and like them or not, idk if I WANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. Can someone give me advice pls? ANT to like or want them. I also lied on 2 questions for the ocd diagnosis about liking the thoughts which I don’t know if I do or not, I said that I think I don’t when in reality I don’t know if I do or not. And the second question where I said I don’t feel aroused even though sometimes I do, idk why I get aroused for that stuff, idk if I want to be aroused or if I don’t want to be aroused. I also used to watch p#rn a lot, I was exposed to it at a young age cause I was a stupid ass kid once, I got addicted to it and watched it every day, when all of these feelings and thoughts started, I completely stopped watching p#rn which fixed that, but now I’m worried it was a sign of something bad because I heard that early porn exposure creates mental issues and stuff, so I don’t know if I have pocd or actual pedophilia anymore. I’m also currently tryin to get a relationship with a girl my age. Can someone give me advice on all of this pls? Idk what all of this means anymore :(

POCD

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