Does it ever get better?

I am struggling a lot with my Perfectionism OCD and my Somatic OCD recently. I constantly find myself having to do things over and over again. Earlier this week, there was a dangerous spider that I had to kill but it felt like I didn’t kill it “correctly” and it’s been stopping me from being able to sleep for quite some time but I feel like an idiot whenever I tell someone who doesn’t have Perfectionism OCD “I killed a spider incorrectly.” As far as Somatic OCD goes, it’s not as bad, but I’ve been taking like 7 naps every day because I can’t stop thinking about when I’m going to next blink. I’m a relatively new person to OCD and I just feel like it won’t get better?

cyc1017

Date posted: 1y

I understand the perfectionism OCD. I'm late everywhere I go because I have to have everything orderly and in it's proper place before I can leave the house. Doesn't matter how far ahead I start getting ready because I will keep finding things that aren't "right" and I have to fix them before I leave the house. And then there's the mental checklists as I drive away 🙄 And what if I left the garage door open? Go back and look. And what if the dog accidentally sneaked out the door when I left and is running the streets? Go back and check. Am I absolutely sure I locked the back door? Go back to make sure. Ugh. So exhausting and depressing. I tried leaving some cans upside down in my pantry one day, but an hour later I had to "fix" them. I thought I could get better with meds, but I guess I need to do ERP therapy. Wishing you the best on your journey to wellness 😉

Anonymous243

Date posted: 1y

Perfectionism ocd used to be a very strong theme for me for years being what my ocd initially started with, and with erp therapy it has now gotten smaller. I understand what you’re going through. When I was bridging the gap from horrible “I did this incorrectly” thoughts to being able to successfully do erp I always “tricked” my ocd by telling it “well actually maybe I did do it correctly. Yeah, I remember doing it that way”. Maybe this isnt the way to go or wont work for you, but it definitely helped me. I hope things get better ❤️

Simon

Date posted: 1y

I completely relate. It takes me a long time to leave the house because I have to arrange things just right. And it’s tricky with the spider because you can’t go back and kill it the right way, so there’s an element of fear of permanence. My suggestion would be to start small and leave some things imperfect that cause you discomfort. Slowly work up to things that feel more triggering. As for the somatic ocd (as with all ocd) it will eventually become irrelevant, especially if you don’t try to avoid it. Give yourself some time to focus on your blinking deliberately, without trying to change anything. Just notice yourself noticing, feel the anxiety of ‘what if I never stop noticing this’ and say, well that would suck. And just keep the response casual. I’m sure you’ve read about ERP. It is truly the way forward

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Yes, I have germ contamination and perfectionism OCD, which, like y'all takes me a long time to get ready to leave the house. My compulsions are a combination of both where I have to use hand sanitizer to clean myself and if the sanitizer doesn't clean my body perfectly I have to start over again. This can take up to 12 hours and most recently I haven't been able to leave the house for a week because I cannot get dressed due to my compulsions. My husband is getting frustrated and is thinking of leaving me because I cannot spend any time with him or my son due to my time consuming compulsions.

cyc1017

Date posted: 1y

I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you. My daughter has contamination OCD and spent up to 14 hours a day washing her hands and sanitizing everything. She almost lost her marriage, but she finally chose ERP therapy. She did the hard work (2 years) and now she is doing GREAT! I say that to encourage you because you CAN overcome 😘 Praying for you.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@cyc1017 Thank you. It helps to know that I am not alone. I used to wash my hands for hours in middle school until they were completely raw! I was able to get dressed last week and work 2 days, which helped immensely. When I don't work, my depression increases. Now, unfortunately, I am back in this same cycle after showering yesterday and not being able to get dressed. I fixed my own breakfast today so I don't burden my husband and he was happy with that 😊

Anonymous

Date posted: 18w

Afraid I’ll never be able to stop thinking

My OCD has been terrible the for the past two weeks. I have a fear that I will never be able to get out of the thought loop. I am hyper aware of my thoughts and it disturbs me. I haven’t been able to eat for 10 days. I force myself. I haven’t been able to sleep for more than a couple hours. Then I wake up and ruminate for a couple hours, until I’m exhausted. I’m also afraid I’ll never sleep well again. And I’m afraid I’ll never eat and enjoy my food again. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to stop thinking about this enough to enjoy my family ever again.

"Pure" OCD

splootpig

Date posted: 10w

Messy Behavior with OCD

I never heard about people with OCD who have messy living conditions. Maybe this is why it took so long to accept my diagnosis. Although I really dont like how OCD is percieved at by the majority of people, I feel like Im weird or something because I dont fit into that stereotype. I understand that a lot of people with OCD have this issue, but why do I feel so different? If anybody else has/had this belief, what helps with feeling more comfortable? Everytime my mom points out my room, and how its messy- Its like I feel so lazy and useless. So then I often plan out everything I was going to do, step by step, always having a reasoning behind everything, because logic always comforts me. When I start tidying up my room, I go full out (Sheets, Laundry, Clorox, Candles, Vaccuming, Then I start going through the guinea pigs cage to rearranging all of their stuff) Yet always somewhere after doing a few things, I start feeling disgusting and almost shameful of myself. 99% of the time I end up laying on my floor sobbing, noting every little thing about my room. How my furiniture doesnt match, how i would rather have solid floor like hardwood or vinyl instead of the carpet, usually things i cant change… and then barely anything gets done in my room. I start to have a meltdown and often dont take care of myself even more afterwards. A piece of me feels like my thoughts are just me being a spoiled brat and wanting everything i dont have- meanwhile others dont even have a roof over their head. The other piece of me is just tired, just emotionally exaughsted. Please comment any thoughts or recomendations to maybe improve motovation and attitude towards doing long tasks.

galina

Date posted: 9w

Bad session today

I had a very bad session with a therapist today (NOT FROM NOCD). She basically told me I can’t be helped without medication, said I am too needy and if I keep being needy, people will continue to leave me, and my past trauma from relationships is my fault. I then had a second session with my old therapist who helped process and explain that OCD is lifelong and some people manage it but others have flare ups and I think I’m having a bad flare up (a month long basically) and that I may need medication which I’m terrified to go back on. Does it get better? Will I need meds? I’m scared. I don’t want to get worse and I don’t want these thoughts to scare me.

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