Does it ever get better?

I am struggling a lot with my Perfectionism OCD and my Somatic OCD recently. I constantly find myself having to do things over and over again. Earlier this week, there was a dangerous spider that I had to kill but it felt like I didn’t kill it “correctly” and it’s been stopping me from being able to sleep for quite some time but I feel like an idiot whenever I tell someone who doesn’t have Perfectionism OCD “I killed a spider incorrectly.” As far as Somatic OCD goes, it’s not as bad, but I’ve been taking like 7 naps every day because I can’t stop thinking about when I’m going to next blink. I’m a relatively new person to OCD and I just feel like it won’t get better?

cyc1017

Date posted: 1y

I understand the perfectionism OCD. I'm late everywhere I go because I have to have everything orderly and in it's proper place before I can leave the house. Doesn't matter how far ahead I start getting ready because I will keep finding things that aren't "right" and I have to fix them before I leave the house. And then there's the mental checklists as I drive away 🙄 And what if I left the garage door open? Go back and look. And what if the dog accidentally sneaked out the door when I left and is running the streets? Go back and check. Am I absolutely sure I locked the back door? Go back to make sure. Ugh. So exhausting and depressing. I tried leaving some cans upside down in my pantry one day, but an hour later I had to "fix" them. I thought I could get better with meds, but I guess I need to do ERP therapy. Wishing you the best on your journey to wellness 😉

Anonymous243

Date posted: 1y

Perfectionism ocd used to be a very strong theme for me for years being what my ocd initially started with, and with erp therapy it has now gotten smaller. I understand what you’re going through. When I was bridging the gap from horrible “I did this incorrectly” thoughts to being able to successfully do erp I always “tricked” my ocd by telling it “well actually maybe I did do it correctly. Yeah, I remember doing it that way”. Maybe this isnt the way to go or wont work for you, but it definitely helped me. I hope things get better ❤️

Simon

Date posted: 1y

I completely relate. It takes me a long time to leave the house because I have to arrange things just right. And it’s tricky with the spider because you can’t go back and kill it the right way, so there’s an element of fear of permanence. My suggestion would be to start small and leave some things imperfect that cause you discomfort. Slowly work up to things that feel more triggering. As for the somatic ocd (as with all ocd) it will eventually become irrelevant, especially if you don’t try to avoid it. Give yourself some time to focus on your blinking deliberately, without trying to change anything. Just notice yourself noticing, feel the anxiety of ‘what if I never stop noticing this’ and say, well that would suck. And just keep the response casual. I’m sure you’ve read about ERP. It is truly the way forward

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

Yes, I have germ contamination and perfectionism OCD, which, like y'all takes me a long time to get ready to leave the house. My compulsions are a combination of both where I have to use hand sanitizer to clean myself and if the sanitizer doesn't clean my body perfectly I have to start over again. This can take up to 12 hours and most recently I haven't been able to leave the house for a week because I cannot get dressed due to my compulsions. My husband is getting frustrated and is thinking of leaving me because I cannot spend any time with him or my son due to my time consuming compulsions.

cyc1017

Date posted: 1y

I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you. My daughter has contamination OCD and spent up to 14 hours a day washing her hands and sanitizing everything. She almost lost her marriage, but she finally chose ERP therapy. She did the hard work (2 years) and now she is doing GREAT! I say that to encourage you because you CAN overcome 😘 Praying for you.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@cyc1017 Thank you. It helps to know that I am not alone. I used to wash my hands for hours in middle school until they were completely raw! I was able to get dressed last week and work 2 days, which helped immensely. When I don't work, my depression increases. Now, unfortunately, I am back in this same cycle after showering yesterday and not being able to get dressed. I fixed my own breakfast today so I don't burden my husband and he was happy with that 😊

Kammy

Date posted: 24w

This is draining

I started dealing with OCD when I became fixated on health issues, particularly the fear of contracting a life-threatening disease. If I experienced any kind of medical symptom, no matter how small, that even remotely hinted at something potentially fatal, it would drive me crazy, and I couldn’t stop obsessing over it. Then one day, I started having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting someone with my car, and I would end up driving in circles to check if I had. Eventually, I found myself overwhelmed by a flood of new obsessive thoughts and compulsions. One day, while I was at the park, a squirrel came near me, and for some reason, I felt like it attacked me. I Googled it and learned that squirrels could carry rabies, which spiraled me into a deep fear of rabies. I became consumed with the thought I received a bite from a squirrel, raccoon, or bat any time I’m in areas that trigger me. It started off only being inside then transferred to even being in my own home. This made me obsess over every physical sensation in my body, compulsively checking to make sure nothing was wrong. One compulsion that I hated the most would to be putting rubbing alcohol on me to make sure that I had no open wounds. Every day feels like I’m walking around in a fog of anxiety, constantly worrying that I won’t even make it to old age. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that I just want it all to end. It stresses me so bad at times to where my brain feels like I’ve been studying all day.

cows12465

Date posted: 22w

suic. ocd advice?

so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.

Medicine2021_

Date posted: 10w

Suicidal OCD and harm OCD

I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Does it ever get better?

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community