- Date posted
- 1y
How funny is the transition
From health OCD TO HARM OCD For a year I was running to the ER for ANYTHING and now I feel like i kinda want to die 🤣 Like WHERE IS ME?
From health OCD TO HARM OCD For a year I was running to the ER for ANYTHING and now I feel like i kinda want to die 🤣 Like WHERE IS ME?
I can relate to this so much😂I used to be so paranoid about dying but now I’ve developed POCD I’m like you know what maybe it wouldn’t be that bad🙃at least we can laugh about it I suppose lol.
@LillyX Exactly 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 good to hear I’m not the only one You’ll be ok!!!!
Me too... health and back to the most dreaded one. The same! Now I'm like oh who cares it'll take me away from this agony. Don't know what this is doing to me anymore. Was suppose to see a cardiologist and canceled bc I'm more anxious of this theme than my health now. This really sucks!! Did ERP today and just got outta bed. Feel worse 😔
@confused writer Feel like you don't even know who you are anymore.
@confused writer I need to laugh at like you guys!! I did one time before I made fun of it and it did help
An attack of harm OCD was the first time people started relating my illness with being OCD.
@NotSoNewb82 What do you mean?
@confused writer I was misdiagnosed at 26 and only now at 41 have I been diagnosed with OCD. That harm attack was bad. I thought I was going to stab myself and I shut myself in my room. The guys in a FB group started talking about their OCD which I suppose I thought was weird at the time.
@NotSoNewb82 Mine started randomly during a panic attack one time. It was out of left field.
@NotSoNewb82 Yes it feels so real. SO SO SO REAL.
Love when my ocd picks different themes , it’s like hey what do you think about his one I’m over scaring you about that thing haha
@brittc41886 Yes I hate it 🤦🏻♀️
If it’s harm OCD (and not and genuine desire to harm yourself), then truthfully, it makes sense. With health OCD you value your health. With self-directed harm OCD, it’s also attacking the fact that you value your health, except rather than physical health it’s your mental health. OCD themes don’t need to make sense, but if you think about it, it’s still focusing on your health just in a different sense. I have experience with both as well. Good luck friend.
@alissaa Yes but I’m so scared it’s a genuine desire. SO SCARED.
@confused writer I totally understand and I’m sorry if that was triggering for you to read. It can feel so very real and the questioning of yourself and how you feel can take up so much of your time and energy. My old therapist would always remind me that there is a difference between thoughts and having a plan. Doing ERP scripts of the worst case scenario surrounding the fear are what helped me the most. But in the beginning, even writing out or reading the word “suicide” was triggering enough. Start small and build up to it. Practice using non-engagement responses if you notice yourself using compulsions like ruminating or questioning. It is so much easier said than done but recovery from this theme (or any other) is very possible and you won’t always feel this scared and distressed. It’s always a good day to do hard things. ERP is hard but effective. 🫶🏻
@alissaa Thank you sm❤️ I hope it will get better soon..
I was just thinking about how OCD tries to be tricky and switches themes on us!! The amount of times I have said to myself in the past, IF ONLY I HAD THE OLDER THEME I USE TO WORRY ABOUT BECAUSE THIS NEW ONE IS SO MUCH WORSE!!! Has anyone ever experienced this before? Once I started ERP therapy, I began to really start understanding what mental/physical compulsions I was doing to really keep my OCD alive! While I did this, I would also tap into my self-compassion bucket, even when it felt like it was dry at times, because it was SO easy to judge myself for because of the sheer presence of my thoughts. I would also have the most self-compassion for myself for those taboo intrusive thoughts that really felt so strong, ego-dystonic and real!!! My OCD would hop around from theme to theme and just when I thought I figured it out (compulsion) it would hop again and make me discouraged! I noticed for me that once I really understood my compulsions, it didn't matter when the theme switched as I could tackle it at its core. If I was able to stay steadfast and resist compulsions the best I could, I started to notice that my CONFIDENCE increased in the long run! I also noticed that some of the core fears were the same for different OCD subtypes. OCD treatment is hard BUT living with OCD is harder. I have experienced subtypes including Harm OCD, ROCD, Moral Scrupulosity, Sensorimotor, Contamination, Perfectionism/Just Right, Hit and Run, Magical Thinking, Real Event/False Memory. ERP therapy allowed me to really work on stopping these compulsions and switching from theme to theme. I was fed up with what OCD took from me and I needed to do something about it. I talked to an ERP therapist and it was one of the best decisions of my life. If you are struggling, keep pushing and get the help you deserve!! You got this!!!
I’ve recently been struggling a lot with OCD. I have had OCD for a long time I just didn’t realize it until more recently. About seven months ago I developed panic attacks one day randomly at work. I thought I was having a heart attack and went to the hospital where they told me it was just a panic attack and I assumed I would snap out and be better within a few days. However it didn’t. Here’s where it gets scary, I was staying at my then boyfriends house while dealing with blurry vision, anxiety attacks everyday, and more (unsure of what was going on). But at some point I saw my bfs (pew pew 🔫) on his table and it sent me into an anxiety attack after sudden thoughts that I was going to hurt myself with it. I begged him to put it away when I’m not looking so I didn’t know where he put it. He did. These thoughts lasted for about four days but began to go away. (I thought that was it and I would be back to normal). Unfortunately though I ended up moving back in with my family when we couldn’t get my panic attacks under control in time for me to get back to work and pay bills. However, coming home brought up a lot of trauma from when I was kid. My anxiety got worse but I didn’t have those thoughts again. About two and half months ago though, I got sick and went to the hospital where they gave me steroid pills and a steroid shot but sent me into some kind of psychiatric event. Ever since then though, I have been suffering from harm OCD, I have had moments of intense anger that I usually have to completely walk away and go on my own because of how intense they are, and it feels like it’s getting worse. Today I felt fine until about and hour and half ago where I started to dwell on the fact that my suicidal thought was influenced by my OCD and at the moment my OCD is at the worst it’s been. This caused me to get suddenly really depressed and I started crying thinking about how I can’t handle this. I then saw a post talking about how suicide rates are high for people with this form of OCD and it made me question if I am mentally strong enough to pull through this. I fear that at times I’m getting worse. I have good days but I have a lot of bad days. Unfortunately this sent me into such a bad panic attack I went over to my nanas crying about how I can’t deal with this. I took a 0.25 mg Xanax which helped calm down the panic attack portion of it but my brain is still uncomfortably active. I guess I just need hope. I’m so saddened by this. It’s like my life took a total 360 in 10 months and got even worse since the steroid shot. Idk what to do about it. I can’t stop the spiral. I talk to two different therapist weekly and start more next week, making it 5 times a week. I feel no improvements…
I dont know whats going on. I dont know if its OCD anymore. I know it was in the beginning. Ive been through a lot of trauma and had one little scary thought of killing my sister 4 months ago that has blossomed into this giant idea of me being a serial killer and wanting to hurt everyone (I never had any social issues growing up but I have had some trauma). Recently I’ve been having urges to just give in. And my mental images have been horrible and I can’t stop checking if I like them or not. I think I’ve convinced myself I have. This morning I woke up a shaking mess with an urge to unalive my family and when my mom left for work I was alone with my sister and couldnt stop vomiting uncontrollably. I dont know if i’m upset because I cant hurt anyone and I want to, or if I’m scared and just want my old life back. I was an avid horror and gore lover and now I’m convinced I want to do the things I’ve seen in the movies. Someone please help. I’m ready to check into the psych ward.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond