- Date posted
- 1y
How funny is the transition
From health OCD TO HARM OCD For a year I was running to the ER for ANYTHING and now I feel like i kinda want to die 🤣 Like WHERE IS ME?
From health OCD TO HARM OCD For a year I was running to the ER for ANYTHING and now I feel like i kinda want to die 🤣 Like WHERE IS ME?
I can relate to this so much😂I used to be so paranoid about dying but now I’ve developed POCD I’m like you know what maybe it wouldn’t be that bad🙃at least we can laugh about it I suppose lol.
@LillyX Exactly 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 good to hear I’m not the only one You’ll be ok!!!!
Me too... health and back to the most dreaded one. The same! Now I'm like oh who cares it'll take me away from this agony. Don't know what this is doing to me anymore. Was suppose to see a cardiologist and canceled bc I'm more anxious of this theme than my health now. This really sucks!! Did ERP today and just got outta bed. Feel worse 😔
@confused writer Feel like you don't even know who you are anymore.
@confused writer I need to laugh at like you guys!! I did one time before I made fun of it and it did help
An attack of harm OCD was the first time people started relating my illness with being OCD.
@NotSoNewb82 What do you mean?
@confused writer I was misdiagnosed at 26 and only now at 41 have I been diagnosed with OCD. That harm attack was bad. I thought I was going to stab myself and I shut myself in my room. The guys in a FB group started talking about their OCD which I suppose I thought was weird at the time.
@NotSoNewb82 Mine started randomly during a panic attack one time. It was out of left field.
@NotSoNewb82 Yes it feels so real. SO SO SO REAL.
Love when my ocd picks different themes , it’s like hey what do you think about his one I’m over scaring you about that thing haha
@brittc41886 Yes I hate it 🤦🏻♀️
If it’s harm OCD (and not and genuine desire to harm yourself), then truthfully, it makes sense. With health OCD you value your health. With self-directed harm OCD, it’s also attacking the fact that you value your health, except rather than physical health it’s your mental health. OCD themes don’t need to make sense, but if you think about it, it’s still focusing on your health just in a different sense. I have experience with both as well. Good luck friend.
@alissaa Yes but I’m so scared it’s a genuine desire. SO SCARED.
@confused writer I totally understand and I’m sorry if that was triggering for you to read. It can feel so very real and the questioning of yourself and how you feel can take up so much of your time and energy. My old therapist would always remind me that there is a difference between thoughts and having a plan. Doing ERP scripts of the worst case scenario surrounding the fear are what helped me the most. But in the beginning, even writing out or reading the word “suicide” was triggering enough. Start small and build up to it. Practice using non-engagement responses if you notice yourself using compulsions like ruminating or questioning. It is so much easier said than done but recovery from this theme (or any other) is very possible and you won’t always feel this scared and distressed. It’s always a good day to do hard things. ERP is hard but effective. 🫶🏻
@alissaa Thank you sm❤️ I hope it will get better soon..
I dont know whats going on. I dont know if its OCD anymore. I know it was in the beginning. Ive been through a lot of trauma and had one little scary thought of killing my sister 4 months ago that has blossomed into this giant idea of me being a serial killer and wanting to hurt everyone (I never had any social issues growing up but I have had some trauma). Recently I’ve been having urges to just give in. And my mental images have been horrible and I can’t stop checking if I like them or not. I think I’ve convinced myself I have. This morning I woke up a shaking mess with an urge to unalive my family and when my mom left for work I was alone with my sister and couldnt stop vomiting uncontrollably. I dont know if i’m upset because I cant hurt anyone and I want to, or if I’m scared and just want my old life back. I was an avid horror and gore lover and now I’m convinced I want to do the things I’ve seen in the movies. Someone please help. I’m ready to check into the psych ward.
It is not the thoughts or urges that scare me anymore. It is the way I feel like I’ve absorbed the compulsions into my identity :( I am doing them so automatically that it feels like I am choosing them freely and they’re me. and because of that, it feels like I AM the OCD now, not just someone with OCD. I think I’m just deeply trapped in a loop. I was trying to survive unbearable fear so I started scanning. Then I started pre-scanning. Then checking if I pre-scanned. Then I check how I feel during all that. I run to beat my OCD to the “punchline” (intrusive thought, urge, sensation) because I’m so scared all the time. So scared that I don’t even feel it anymore. I feel numb and all that’s left is this jittery residue and numbness. Now it’s all tangled together in a huge knot. I feel so extremely lost. I think this may just be meta OCD, but I’ve never ever felt so gone before :( I’m really scared.
You can laugh at the title if you want, it’s objectively pretty funny. Hi guys, this is my first time on this app and I mostly just wanted to see if anyone out there is in the same boat as me or works in health care and is dealing with this. I haven’t told anyone what’s going on. I’m in my 4th year of medical school and In the past year I’ve developed what I think is pretty bad health OCD. Now health anxiety is a really common thing for medical students to have, I know that. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that the constant lymph node checking, self diagnosing & examining and reassurance seeking could have definitely had crossed the line into compulsions. Both my parents are cancer survivors which is what originally made me want to become a doctor but now every single physical sensation I have sends me into hours or days of rumination that I or someone I love has stage 4 terminal cancer. I spent an entire vacation with my boyfriend having a silent panic attack and convincing myself that he was dying of pancreatic cancer when he just had food poisoning and was fine days later. I had a complete mental breakdown and told myself I had lymphoma for weeks when I realized I could feel some of my own perfectly normal lymph nodes in my neck. My logical brain knows this is completely ridiculous but the emotional brain will not shut the hell up. It seems cruel that I made it this far only to feel like my own damn brain is betraying my ability to think through health situations clearly. I’m determined to get my symptoms under control before I graduate in a year as I don’t want this to affect patient care. Just wanted to get this off my chest and see if anyone else out there in health care is struggling too.
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