POCD with relapse 18+

So everytime I have a relapse and look for adult content I only strictly look for adults that are involved. Usually fictional ones because that way no harm is possibly done to real people but sometimes I don't get triggered by real adult models as long as I'm aware of their age. Unfortunately, I still come across really disturbing things whether I click on channels to find more content of the same person or other adults and it'll have disturbing content with people I think are underaged. Sometimes it's content of characters that I know are minors but people age them up and that disturbs me the most. I don't get why people do this and I find it disgusting. I never click on these videos because they're disturbing to me and I only go for adults that are simply adults. I hate that this stuff shows up and it triggers my POCD and then I think something bad is gonna happen because I scrolled past those videos even though I didn't want to see them in the first place. I've been trying to stop watching all of this stuff for years and I'm still struggling with it. Content with younger people is the absolute last thing I'd ever want to see and I hate that people make stuff like that and it just stays on websites somehow

Username: titaniumonetwotitaniumonetwo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w ago

You may find that the content you’re seeing isn’t actually illegal content. I’ve cut this stuff out completely and think I’m better for it but I remember when I didn’t I was often worried ridiculously about ages, even worrying about people who were say 30 being potentially underage. OCD can do that

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 38w ago

I'm not even sure what the legality of the fictional stuff is. I know those characters originally aren't of age but people still like to make that kind of stuff around them but I guess they age them up. That just makes me uncomfortable. For the real people involved, I saw someone that looked like they were younger than me but it turns out they're way older than I am and then I was okay with it. I want to cut this out for my own good because it most certainly gets in the way of things I want to do, my enjoyment of things, doing things out of my comfort zone, affects my anxiety, and my sleep sometimes. I'm glad you were able to cut it out completely. :) This stuff is hard to get away from.

Username: titaniumonetwotitaniumonetwo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w ago

@BigGyro09 It is difficult but there are things you can do to help. The easiest I found was simply to make it just a little bit more difficult. Put a filter on your computer/network. Set it with a password you have to look up and don’t just know. Even that small amount of time can make it easier. If you don’t live alone, use the computer in a shared space. Over time it gets easier. An accountability partner you trust can help too but that needs to be the right person :-)

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 38w ago

@titaniumonetwo I have things in mind that can help but sometimes this feels like possessive tool that cancels all of those things out. I need to start with small things and really work at this. I have tried those things and they have worked and I did feel better but I just continued to let my guard down

Username: titaniumonetwotitaniumonetwo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w ago

Don’t beat yourself up too much if you fall. I would suggest staying away from the cartoon stuff though. I suspect you’d have less issues concerns wise if you watched more regular stuff.

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 38w ago

I thought I'd have more issues with real people honestly. I guess both give me this problem but I think it's worse with fictional stuff

Username: Aaron R.

Date posted: 3y ago

Every time I watch an explicit video, I obsessively worry about whether or not the person in the video was of legal age or if I unintentionally looked at a minor. This causes me to have intrusive OCD thoughts that I am some kind of horrible pedophile or that the FBI will arrest me. I'm currently experiencing an anxiety spike right now because of it. Can anyone else relate to this? I only want to watch videos of consenting adults, but the need for 100 percent certainty makes it difficult for me to stop questioning it. Because of my religious beliefs, things like pornography are outside of my ethical values anyways, so I really want to break the habit of watching it in any capacity (even if I knew for certain I couldn't accidentally stumble upon a video of a minor), but I struggle with doing that. Does anyone have any tips to stop engaging in lustful behaviors, and how to deal with catastrophic thinking about jail time and being a sick person because I'm paranoid about if the model could be underage?

Username: BigGyro09

Date posted: 1y ago

Kinda spiraling 18+

I keep relapsing to pornography and I'm finding it really hard to stop now. I was looking for adult fictional characters and for some stupid reason cp popped up and I clicked out of there very fast. I kept trying to make my searches only this one character but other results of that horrible stuff came up and I just backed out quickly

Username: MALEX89

Date posted: 35w ago

POCD and Porn addiction

I have been addicted to porn for many years and as a consequence of this I have become increasingly desensitised and have looked into sites that are slightly off the beaten track (all of a google search just to clarify, I haven’t been searching the dark web or anything). I do however have two recurring fears; the first is that I may have watched or downloaded cp without realising it and the second is that I may end up doing that in the future. Does anyone else with POCD or a porn addiction experience this?

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POCD with relapse 18+

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