First post

Hey, this is my first post and I just need to get this off my chest. I’ve been suffering since 2019 now which feels like forever and in fact makes it feel more real as I can now remember back to times where I was struggling with this. I have had periods of calm but seem to have a flare up every year. I am yet to receive therapy but have been on Zoloft and am currently on Prozac. I am really disturbed by an image in my head that I may have done something sexually inappropriate with one of my dogs and have been suffering with this for years. I can’t work out if it’s a memory or not as it’s hazy but the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. It confuses me as I feel like if it had happened I would’ve felt guilty at the time and not just remembered it years later. I’ve always found bestiality abhorrent and can’t understand why I have the image and feeling of me doing this. He has recently passed away which caused a massive relapse as I’m now constantly upset that I can’t remember him properly and whenever I think of him I just get triggered which is distressing as I love him so much. I haven’t been able to get over this and just wanted to see if anyone could relate to this. I’m terrified of myself. I can’t tell my friends or family as I’m so ashamed by the content of my suffering and I feel so alone

Username: livinlifewithocdlivinlifewit...

Date posted: 39w ago

Ah. I completely understand what you are facing. Thoughts like this will come into my mind as well from time to time with my cats or dogs. Right now you are just having a trigger moment and because you are sitting in your feelings about the passing of your dog (which I am so sorry about) I just had to put down one of my cats this last Sunday and my heart is in shambles — but I learned one thing from a therapist I had in the past — she told me OCD will attach itself to whatever you care about most in that moment. I struggle with false memory OCD and struggle with knowing what I have done or didn’t do — but I am here to tell you that you need to fight back at the thoughts and images you’re having. Fight the thoughts and speak out loud to them and tell them to LEAVE. You know in your heart you would never do that to your dog and so you need to reverse the thought and each time it comes to mind you need to talk back to it and say that never happened, i’m a warrior, and i KNOW i would never do that.

Username: kyleohillkyleohill

Date posted: 39w ago

@livinlifewithocd It’s just so hard because it’s so vivid in my head but I can’t place when it would’ve happened or why? I never had thoughts about bestiality up until I started getting these thoughts and always thought it was disgusting and wrong. Like now I’m triggered by my house too as that’s the place I can see it happening in and my whole life just feels tainted. It’s been so long and I just feel like it will never go away

Username: livinlifewithocdlivinlifewit...

Date posted: 39w ago

@kyleohill And that’s exactly what you need to tell yourself when the intrusive thoughts and images start to play in your head. That you know there was never a time or place that it took place. False memory OCD is ever so quiet when it convinces us that something happened yet we can’t recall the details. Interesting. So we can process the information for ourselves when the trigger comes in and convince ourselves that the trigger happened but then we aren’t capable of remembering when or how things happened? In the sense of logic there is no logic behind all of that. So just think — if you can’t remember the way things happened that’s just false memory OCD creeping in trying to convince your brain to be on overload and confused. I’m so triggered by my house as well — and again it’s because we care about our environment OCD will do anything to make sure to intrude on the peace of our environment. Don’t allow it.

Username: jpjmjpjm

Date posted: 39w ago

I can totally relate, the most difficult OCD theme I’ve had to deal with is false memory, and especially when it involves my dog. It is so tiring. I am always open to chat if you’d like. I am still fighting every day but want to get better

Username: myocdstory

Date posted: 4y ago

"zOCD false memories" HI... I'm so sorry for bothering you... I'm not looking for reassurence, not at all. Just some sympathy? I have the strangest and ugliest feeling that I may have done sexual things to my pets but I just forgot about them. I truly don't remember ever doing anything wrong or weird to them, but that feeling doesn't vanish... Everytime I look at them, that feeling resurfaces. I continue to interact with them (exposure i guess) but this feeling doesn't get any smaller... Am I the only one? It helps me a lot to know I'm not alone... Or that this is normal in ocd. I feel that feeling similar to "whenever you leave the house, you feel like you forgot something but you go through your belongings and nothing is amiss but that feeling doesn't vanish" I guess the reason why I am so worried about it is... If something actually happened, I have to kill myself... I keep thinking about about possible scenarios and see if anything could have happened but I remember nothing...

"Pure" OCD

Username: lesley68

Date posted: 3y ago

First time poster. If anybody can help, I'd really appreciate it. I'm terrified I did something very wrong over 30 years ago and hurt someone. I never thought about this until 2020 when I had an OCD episode which resulted in me checking my past to make sure there was nothing I had forgotten. At first different scenarios cam e to mind about which I obsessed over for many months to see if I had done any of these things. I finally managed to move on but then earlier this year, it was triggered again. More thinking followed and I suddenly got this new memory of doing something awful to someone. I say memory, it was more like a snap shot. Months later, I'm still really struggling. The thing that I keep telling myself is that I would have remembered before if this was true. Surely, it would have popped into my memory over the years and bothered me, especially as I have had other false memories (I hope) along the same theme over the years. It's just horrible. I am waiting for therapy but I still have a couple more months for it to start. If anybody can help, I'd really appreciate it.

Username: Beachpie

Date posted: 49w ago

I’m scared

I got diagnosed with ocd recently from my therapist after having years of symptoms since I was a toddler and recently I have had a terrible dream with beastiality in it about 3 months ago and I woke up and cried. I went through the day as usual and then I told one of my friends and I sobbed because that is the last thing I have ever thought about in my life. Luckily my friend was there for me, but then the OCD kicked in. I’ve been having horrible thoughts and I’m scared, I don’t want to do anything to animals never have I ever had thoughts of such. I have two pit bulls that are my sweet babies and I have never had thoughts of anything to do with beastiality in my whole life and now I’m 20 just now being scared of this. It has been the worst ocd obsession I have had in a long time the last one I had lasted 3 years. I’ve been wanting to lock myself in my room and not look at my dogs because I’m afraid to even let them sleep in my room anymore. I stay up all night sometimes because I’m scared I’ll see another dream. My mind is starting to make think I want those thoughts and I’m so scared I’m tearing up whole typing this. I’ve been contemplating suicide because of this fear of doing sexual acts to an animal I would rather not live. I hate living like this and it has been hard to sleep with my partner because now I’m afraid to have intercourse which I have always been able to do with my partner no problem. But now the beastiality OCD has ruined my life and I don’t know what to do.

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

First post

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community