ROCD

This going to be a longer post. I had some pretty bad weeks recently. There were some pretty rough conversations between myself and the guy I’m seeing, and didn’t end poorly but my mind was still so focused on everything that was said in the conversation and I was analyzing everything and I genuinely felt like I didn’t like I was losing feelings and needed to leave, even tho part of me desperately doesn’t want to. And now over the past couple days I’ve been experiencing the same critical intrusive thoughts, but they haven’t been making me anxious or obsessive anymore. What does this mean tho! Because the thoughts are still there, I still think critical things about him and I keep picking apart everything he does, but it doesn’t worry me. Does this mean my true feelings are now coming out?? There are times when I really like him and he’s acting normal and I feel comfortable, but then he’s do something weird or cringy or starts acting in a way that makes me start questioning all my feelings. I keep thinking things like “is he emotionally immature?” And “Is there something mentally off about him?”. And recently I’ve been obsessing over the fact that he’s a more sensitive and emotional guy, and there are moments that I obsess over the way he reacts when he’s sad or upset because he sounds almost like he’s whining or he sounds fake. Idk how to explain it, but I just keep thinking those negative thoughts. And now I don’t feel much of anything when I think them. I’m very confused. It kinda feels like my emotions are very bipolar, one second I like him and the next I don’t and I want to leave. It’s so exhausting. And now every time I’m with him and my friends I feel myself avoiding him over my friends and feeling scared to be around him or even depressed when I’m with him. I’m so lost

ocdsufferer101

Date posted: 1y

First I will say please remember to watch what you say, the first part of your paragraph will definitely induce fear and anxiety in fellow rocd havers (‘they haven’t been making me anxious anymore’), regardless of that I think maybe you just didn’t like him the way you thought you did, people with rocd normally after breaking up with their partner still experience major anxiety and fear around the problem

Anonymous_co...

Date posted: 1y

@ocdsufferer101 I’m sorry it wasn’t my intent to say something that would trigger others. It’s just what I’m working through right now. But I will say that what you have said has caused a lot of fear and anxiety in me rn.

Nica

Date posted: 1y

@ocdsufferer101 You and others need handle your triggers and not dictate what someone else says unless it is a threat or illegal—of which this post has nothing illegal about it. It isn’t up to her or anyone else posting what MIGHT upset others. This is her experience and that doesn’t mean she doesn’t get to post.

ocdsufferer101

Date posted: 1y

@Nica All I said was that there’s a way to say things, why would you want to say something that could potentially hurt or trigger someone on an OCD platform anyway? Put a trigger warning if it’s that difficult

Anonymous_co...

Date posted: 1y

@ocdsufferer101 I’m really sorry if I in any way triggered you. I understand it’s extremely difficult to deal with and it was in no way my desire or intent. But responding with an even more triggering comment on my post is not the answer. It’s not at all helpful to tell someone who is struggling to figure out their relationship and navigate ROCD that maybe they just don’t like the person. It’s way more triggering. It’s true that I don’t know what I feel anymore. And I wish I could know. I wish I could snap my finger and fix everything because my brain is like a roller coaster of emotions. But comments like this don’t make things better. I’ll be more careful to put trigger warnings on my posts. Or you can feel free to block me so you don’t have to see my posts. Again I’m sorry

TiffyTiff_xo

Date posted: 1y

Hey girl you are not alone! This is a tough battle. Do you have instagram ? Mine is @tiffit_nj ! Dm me !

Mariabae

Date posted: 24w

scary rocd

Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.

Mariabae

Date posted: 19w

please read

Lately, I’ve been feeling extremely confused and guilty. My boyfriend has been really busy with exams, and we haven’t talked much this past week. I don’t really feel like I miss him, and that scares me. It makes me think maybe I don’t love him anymore, maybe I’ve changed, and maybe this relationship doesn’t feel right for me anymore. A few days ago, a friend invited me to go to a club with her and another girl. I know that if I went without my boyfriend, he would feel bad — not because he’s controlling, but because in our relationship, we’ve always had mutual boundaries and respect. I decided not to go, but ever since, I’ve been spiraling. My thoughts keep going: “What if I didn’t go just because of him?”, “What if I actually wanted to go, but I stopped myself because I don’t really love him?”, “What if I’m holding myself back and this relationship is limiting me?” All of this makes me think I’m bored, that I don’t like him anymore, or that I’m staying out of habit. It’s hard to tell what I really want or whether these thoughts are part of ROCD or some deeper truth. I keep wondering if I’m just attached to him because he’s my first boyfriend and we’ve been together for so long. Sometimes I even think I wouldn’t care if we broke up, and that I don’t feel anything for him anymore — and that absolutely destroys me, because he’s such a good person who truly loves me. He doesn’t deserve to be treated with so much doubt and coldness. I feel miserable. I don’t know what’s real and what’s just obsession. It hurts that I can’t feel any clarity or peace. I just want to know if this is ROCD or if I’m in denial and refusing to accept the truth

Mariabae

Date posted: 18w

rocd

I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.

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