Struggles with work

I’ve been struggling the past year with my OCD. I left work for a bit to go to an outpatient program. But I’ve been fighting myself for a promotion. Everytime I turn around I end up “messing something up” or forgetting how something is done. In return get a talk from my supervisor that I am not near a promotion because I’m still not getting to where I need to be. Recently just this week, I was assigned a task I did a bunch of times and literally looked at it like what is this. My brain just forgets how something’s works and 2 years into a job I’m still referring to how to process docs.. I’ve been more forgetful and can’t concentrate on anything. People say something at work and I’m like what just happened. I started ERP therapy just a couple months ago and someone said it gets worse before it gets better. I honestly just wanna quit and take time for myself. The stress of trying to make a living and pay bills is driving me to a place where I’m becoming so unstable. I’m putting so much pressure on myself to be better at work when getting out of bed, taking meds and showering is still a job to me. Has anyone else just struggled with expectations of life. And you wanna just be left alone. I’d love to work part time or something but with todays costs I couldn’t make it. Is this all OCD related or even depression? I don’t feel I was this forgetful or that I “sucked at my job” in my words. It makes me feel incapable of doing any type of job because I’ll probably “mess it up”

J1000

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I feel you are putting a lot of weight on your shoulders right now. I see and understand the strive for a promotion. I think you just need take a step back and focus on the basics of your roll. Also don’t think you are a failure because your supervisor saying it. If you feel they are bringing mistakes with adequate reasoning then accept it and ask them how you can improve. If you feel they are just throwing mistakes in your face with out any reason I would question them. “Can you send me the email where you saw the mistake.” Look if you feel you need to take break and can afford that I say go for it. Just remember living and paying bills are a part of life. I think sometimes we try to assume life is easy but it’s not. We are creatures trying to survive. My recommendation is don’t give up but also don’t fully focus on work. Burnt out is real and make sure you have fun hobbies so that you can decompress after work.

itsallok

Date posted: 1y

Thank you for sharing your perspective! I wish sometimes it wasn’t so hard and because we have a disadvantage already dealing with OCD. I am way too hard on myself I have to keep reminding myself that for everything we go through especially in recovery I’m doing an amazing job for even just feeding myself today.

J1000

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@keepthefaith Give yourself a compliment today. Start that positive cycle of being your best supporter. Also accept you have OCD but don’t feel you are always at a disadvantage. Sometimes I notice with me that disadvantage feeling consumes me.

Cathrine

Date posted: 1y

Greatful to read this, thank you for sharing and all the best for you

Flower1004

Date posted: 24w

It’s been getting worse..

Just sorta to vent and maybe get advice… I normally struggle with OCD and other MH/ medical issues.. I’ve sorta become acclimated to the stress, pain, mind games, and constant perfectionism. I thought I had it under control but this OCD has just been creeping back in small ways over time. I’ve caught myself doing behaviors and not feeling able to stop it. (This is combo of OCD but not sure how to categorize it all) - compulsively counting body movements til it’s the right number and feeling - adjusting papers/rewritten notes numerous times - irrational thoughts of my new pup being dead when I check on her - irrational thoughts that I don’t love my partner or he doesn’t love me after almost 10 years - every plate, cup, utensil has to be properly inspected before being able to use it - food can not have day of expiration (or even close to it) or a weird look or smell = it is inedible - recent close call accident led to dread driving and constant thoughts of a crash even though I did what I could and didn’t crash The list just keeps going.. but it has simply been a struggle that has lead me to feeling self conscious, unprofessional, childish, ashamed, and crazy. It’s a hard thing to accept that this has begun to return after finding ways to cope and manage in the past. I am struggling with finding ways to cope with it all cuz it is constantly disturbing my relationship, work, and personal well being Well that’s my truth for the day

Anonymous

Date posted: 22w

Question

I’m so glad everybody has a comfortable job where they can pay for therapy. But I’ve realized my ocd has gotten worse at the job I’m currently at and I don’t want to quit because the job market is never hiring and I always have bills to pay like every freaking week on top of that I’m still in college. I think being stressed is making my ocd worse.

uncertain_Aly

Date posted: 21w

Does OCD impact your ability to get to work?

Often times I find myself spiraling out in the morning about all sorts of things. When I try and catch myself and figure out what I am obsessing over it’s like it goes away. I haven’t moved. I have been sitting frozen on the floor because I can’t go to work because I am behind on work and I hate being late and I hate being messy but I am frequently late and my room is cluttered and full of stuff. I want to be good and move and go to work but I don’t know what is coming today and I hate my job so I know I will get bored and when I have nothing to keep me busy and engaged I like start thinking and taking an inventory of what is going on and then I will feel a sensation and what is the sensation? How did it happen? And I know that I will pick up the bad emotions in the office and get contaminated, I was really worried about things like this as a kid too I cried because I had to touch dirt in kindergarten. I know I am this way and I have been this way for a while but at the same time I think I might just be normal and like I don’t know why I get stuck in thinking like this. Then I begin to doubt that OCD is real because everyone has a brain with wiring and everyone gets stuck in thought sometimes. I feel disabled from whatever this is because I am stuck. I literally cannot move because I don’t know what’s wrong and I know I have to go to work even though I feel like every moment I spend there is making everything worse because other people are so stressed and I get it from them. And I don’t feel ready because I just feel off and something is wrong and I just don’t know what to do because if it’s OCD or not OCD everything anyone knows about me is coming from me and I worry that I am often masking all the thinking I’m doing because thinking all the time is rude and inconsiderate and inconvenient for those around me, but I can’t stop. I just don’t feel right, right now - and I want to know WHY?? Why is everything off all the time? How do I even know that I am not making up the experience of OCD in my head to cover up something really wrong with me and now I am taking on the symptoms of OCD like an actress, because this could be something that I can latch onto as a final hope for explaining why I am stuck. So stuck so deeply and terribly stuck sitting on my floor next to my bed just scrolling to avoid thinking because any time I start thinking I am left with no answers or help or anything just this swirly feeling. I know I am trying, maybe not my best, but as much as I possibly can. I want to be a Special Education Teacher but I have so much so so so much doubt and uncertainty about every decision I make and everything I know that I can’t get there right now. I can’t do anything right now until it feels ok and then I will. It never feels ok. I know I have to be ok not feeling ok about it. I can be unsure and still be ok. I know it’s just my thinking and my body but I just can’t get past this feeling. And then I know that because I can calm myself and be ok even though I spent 2 hours of my life today already feeling stuck and spinning around and around and around in my head - I don’t feel sure about my OCD and I think it’s a bit of a scam made up by people to cultivate pathology around deep human thought because one day I might figure it out and we all think a lot.

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Struggles with work

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