I tend to ruminate on the actions I want to take to further my financial success. I often end up not taking steps and end up not showing up for myself. Instead I write plans, in journals and on white boards, on the steps to do it or how much money I would make. But I burn myself out over thinking or am too afraid to take the next step and the next step. I don’t have the money for a life coach or a therapist right now. It’s a vicious cycle.
@tLerer this was actually my first time posting anything on here. Thanks for your comments. did you read the last post above this one?
Ask yourself; am I willing to do the work? Oftentimes I too find myself “ruminating” on making moves in just about every area of my life and I attack the overthinking with that one question to myself. Once I honestly “evaluate” the situation I begin on said project and it’s a lock until it achieved! Therein-lies my conundrum I grow blinders and that’s all I see. Nothing else matters I’m sure there is some help out there for you to getting some help with a therapist
@Deefastlane You sound like all the YouTube influencers I’ve watched with fortune cookie advice. You don’t have to make a comment on everything. You can just acknowledge there are people like you and hold space for them quietly.
Why are you afraid?
@Wolfram Because success is an unfamiliar feeling. I don’t know 100% why I am afraid of being successful.
@tLerer You seem mostly self aware. What's the answer you're looking for?
@tLerer Are you trying to guarantee success because you're afraid of failure or is it because you don't want to become like the people you see as successful? Maybe just as you said, it's unfamiliar and you'd prefer to not make a move. Better the devil you know? You're uncomfortable in your comfort zone but would rather sit in it than take the risk of it being worse? My brother calls what you do analysis paralysis. Love rumination 😅
@Wolfram I think I need help… and have a hard time asking for help. Like asking for a letter of recommendation or asking for the money itself to be paid for my work. It’s very hard and I feel guilty asking for help or for money. It’s easiest getting direct deposits. I volunteer a lot and am happy to provide work for free but that doesn’t feed me or pay my bills. I was raised on the “don’t ask for hand outs,” mentality. But this isn’t exactly the same thing. Perhaps it is just my low self esteem.
@Wolfram I think the answer I’m looking for is just that I need help. That’s why people go to therapy. We need help. Someone to say that thing that you never thought of before. Or suggested that foundation or resource that can turn the tides for you. I try to figure out my problems on my own but I need some help right now. That’s why I’m here.
@tLerer You're not asking for a hand out though. You're asking for a hand up right?
@Wolfram Yes, my brain needs to learn that there is a difference between those two things. Did you just come up with that? 😂
@tLerer Nope. Heard it years ago. Stuck with me
This morning I was thinking (and talking) to myself about the various issues I have and I noticed how much I mull over these same issues. Even talking to myself, I replay the same problem and loop my responses and ideas about the issue over and over again, wondering if I'm doing the right thing. It reminds me of how we look in the fridge for a snack and, finding nothing, we walk off and come back to look again as if food is magically going to appear 😂 Except I know I can always go to the store. With rumination, I'm trying to make sense of something that is missing key points. I try to plan for every possiblity, but in the end, I still have no idea what will happen. I realized is that my issues have something in common: they are over situations that are BEYOND MY CONTROL. Rather than accepting, I attempt to affect them in what little ways I can, pretty much unsuccessfully and not worth all the effort. Wouldn't it be nice to redirect all that energy into something more productive?
There’s this one situation that I haven’t stopped thinking about from last night . So basically, I was reading 'The power of Now' which is a book that I love so much and really got me into spirituality. It’s been so helpful for my OCD and rumination but it’s also been pretty triggering for it as of late, so I’ve taken a long break from consistently reading it. The excerpt I read was about abundance and how its not about being bountiful, necessarily in material things but realizing and being grateful for the things that exist in your life now and in doing so, you will open yourself up to more good things. I understood it but I re-read it a lot because I didn't feel confident enough to explain it to someone else. but otherwise I LOVED IT. It made me feel so at peace, I agreed with it, and it gave me hope to start focusing on the good things in my life rather than the bad. So when I went to bed I rehearsed myself explaining it to someone on a podcast and then all these questions started flooding in like “why should I only focus on the good and aren't we supposed to accept the good and bad? Aren’t those the values of Buddha and spirituality” “Ya, we're supposed to accept the good and the bad but why?- so we can feel more good??? And isn't the point of OCD to not label things as good and bad? and why should I focus on the good- so I can feel good? why should I feel good? because I'm worthy of it? why am I worthy of it? because I'm a good person and do good things? well I’ve also done bad things so why shouldn't I consider that. I just don’t understand why I should feel good without it being selfish. And then this went on for like 2 or 3 hours. Like holy shit. I over explain these ideas and concepts that I resonate with to the point where they don't even make sense to me anymore. It becomes very existensial very quick. And I’m not suicidal but these questions make me feel hopeless in society for some reason?? And myself. Like if everything contradicts everything then what’s the point to life? If nothing can be understood or explained in a senseful way, then how do people move forward and make decisions, like AT ALL? There’s never a right or perfect answer and I feel like with any decision I make in regards, I’m doing a compulsion either way. If I don’t answer them, then I’m avoiding it and if I do then I’m checking and seeking reassurance. I’m sorry if this was way too long and over-explained I just need some advice or to know if anyone can relate in any way. Also, I’m sorry if some of those back-to-back questions were triggering.
I've been doing well the past month in cutting down on compulsions and have been feeling better however, last night I had a set back that carried on into today. I had gotten very poor sleep (4ish hours) and then something triggered my memory. I think with the sudden anxiety spike and lack of sleep I didn't have the strength to ignore my compulsions. Last night and today I've realised I've gone back into rumination and mentally reviewing the event excessively again and comparing my situation to other people's, but most of the times that I start going down these rabbit holes I don't even realise I'm doing it? Also been fixating a bit on the fear that I've ruined my progress and that I will fall back into the deep end of it all again, that I have done so much work getting myself out of, although trying my best to not be too discouraged. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with rumination more specifically?
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