- Date posted
- 5y ago
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I 10000000000000000% relate lol this waithing game getting booring
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I won't able to help you but I'm in the same situation as you are. I have not been afraid to be gay for aver a year now. I realized I'd never be gay. I don't have any anxiety anymore. But my aesthetic attraction to the opposite sex has disappeared.
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@Starboiklem why attraction is important? Because i never realized its such abbig part. I wouldnt be here if i didnt miss it. Its crazy hoe much impact it has. Its like a huge part of ur identity is cut out. You feel an empty hole. Do u know how goodnit feels to be in love or to have a crush or te be attracted to a boy. Its litteraly something that glows up ur life it gives it flowers and makes it better. I cant even explain how much ive changednfor the worse ever since its gone. Its just the realization thst u know unwouldve be in love with someone but ur not feeling the things younused to. I cant listen to music because i csnt think of someone or be happy. Littersly my future is messed up because of this my plans my wishes my dreams. I always wnsted to marry snd all thst my biggest dream wad to have a boyfriend but how is thst possible without attraction. Its not thst i dont feel like being sexual its like i feel like being sexual but my brain is putting a wall infrotn of it thst doesnt allow me to fall in love with a boy again. Its so empty. Im 17 years old and i feel like my life littersly ended here. It feels like a huge never ending cycle i live in. It used to come with anxiety but thats gone. Now all i feel is numbness. Hocd just made me so numb and i crave feelings for a boy or any feeling in general like i dont feel alive at all. All my passions and dreams are killed by this because hocd fucked with our identitys. It killed who we are. It makes us doubt everything we are and then it makes u beliebe ur not what u thiught u was and then u start believing it and boom. Ur lost
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I’m thinking guys what if he didn’t recover like what if we need to do erp therapy
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Yes but that’s good at least we can recover
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Fuck what u said hit me sooooo hard in the heart damn gurl
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Like gurl what should we do now ? Seriously I’m so numb I don’t feel anything towards anything
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Like damn when u day ocd anyone would think like yeah it’s not a big mental illness like shut up u don’t know wtf is does like dying sometimes is better tf❓
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@katis idkk im just as lost as you. This thing is def the hardest mental thing i ever went trough. If i tokd myself 2 yrs ago hocd was gonna interrupt my life this bad i wouldnt have believed it. It hurts so much to know thst if only i never started the doubting i would be in such a better place. The thing is i wont stop fighting becaude i know what happiness feels likes and this AINT it. I know the feeling if being happy snd i havent felt it once this yesr but it does make sure for me that being happy is a thing (hocd sometimes makes me forget what hapyness is) and that i want to feel it again so bad. Its just thst this emptyness is killing and sometimes i still question like what if all this is just me finding out im not straight but idk it doesnt sound right it just doesnt. I dont know where to go from hete all i know is thst ive changed soo much snd i actually became a horrible person due to being down all the damn time. I hope one day ill have a clear mindset again and see what what the girl before hocd happened saw. I want her mind back, her vision on life back, her joy back, her style back everything i want me back my identity
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hi , where you able to overcome the emptiness feeling ?
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I know about hocd because I had it,i didn't necessarily lost attraction but i couldn't make out or date any girl because that caused my ocd to spike telling me why are you dating girls if you like men?or why are you making up with this girl you should be making up with men blah blah,see you are 17 you are catastrophizing which i do too as that's a ocd pattern,you have a lot of time to fall in love and people with hocd often take some time to find their attraction because attraction is mental as well and ocd fucks that part up. I mean it's kinda hard to feel attraction if you been fucked by a mental illness you'll need some time to recover as attraction comes from a healthy state of mind. Also did you get over hocd or do you still have it? If you still have it it could be sabotaging your attraction asswell
- Date posted
- 5y ago
We*
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I know exactly im scared that u just will stay numb forever snd only way out is to go and pay for therspy sessions that will make u anxious and expose the anxiety back into ur life
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I mean sometimes I wanna commit suicide so yeah anxiety it better I guess but do u think if we did erp therapy we would get anxious again cuz now I don’t get anxiety from anything about gay stuff so what do u think like does the therapist know how to expose us
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I think so because idk bout u but i got rid of the anxiety by pusing itnout of my head, ignoring it instead of facing it. So like now it doesnt make me feel anything anymore but im afraid that if someobody like a therapist tries to face me with the thoughts the anxiety will kick back in. Because now i dont feel anxiety because i distract myself but im almost sure that if i sit 10 minutes thinking about a freaky gay scenario that i can get anxious again but im not sure bc i dont know my brain that well lol. Also were u serious about that ur suicidal???? Because thats very concerning to me..
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Can i ask why is getting your attraction to boys back so important to you?like if you don't feel like being sexual why do you have to be?This whole ocd thing probably left some wound that needs to heal for you to feel attraction,4 months isn't that much it may take longer but don't be desparate because that puts pressure on you which makes it harder for you to get attraction. Don't force it if it comes that's good I don't see why you absolutely have to be attracted to boys give it time don't stress about it
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Hocdgurlsummer u said distract your self I didn’t get it like now if u watch porn gay do u get anxiety or not bc I don’t
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I mean ur not like my situation @hocdgirlsummer I don’t get any anxiety but u do compulsions to stop the anxiety right?? If not explain more about ur situation
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Say*
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Hocdsummergirl do u have an insta
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Do u think it’s bc of the libido cuz sometimes I’m just like stuck idk what the fuck is it
- Date posted
- 5y ago
@starboiklem heey, thanks for the helpfull comment! I still have it but not ad bad At all. Like i dont rlly have the thoughts as bad sometimes i feel like the tiniest bit of anxiety but thst goes away really fast. I jusr feel numb so when i feel numb i just call it hocd bc idk what it is othrtwise lol
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w ago
I feel so sad, alone, scared and hopeless. Until two months ago there was not even the remote possibility of being anything other than heterosexual and now the idea that I could find out that I was lesbian or bisexual terrifies me to death. Everything was born from the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire towards my ex-boyfriend and I started to be afraid that it was because I was a lesbian... how can I be a lesbian or bisexual if everything was born from this? I would like to run away from myself and my head. I would really like to go back and go back to my life before. I can't take it anymore. I just want to live my life like before
- Date posted
- 15w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
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- Date posted
- 11w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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