Sometimes after I’ve done something „risky“ on my phone or something that makes me uncomfortable or leaves me insecure, I go on this app here to read/like/comment. This might be a compulsion.
Yeh, it might be. Take a break for a few days and see if it triggers you when you don't. You'll get your answer. It doesn't mean you have to stop using the app all together, just change the relationship with it
@Wolfram Good idea
Idk anymore it feels like being on here is a trigger. Every time I see a minor post on the app, my intrusive thoughts go haywire and then my brain says maybe you should comment something inappropriate and i literally don't wanna fucking do that. It's the last thing I want to do. And now im scared that I commented something crude on someone's post. obviously, when I went to check there was nothing now my brain is saying "you commented and then deleted". I want to think it's something I wouldn't do, but why are the images in my head so real. Children should be safe. I feel like I need to be locked away. Someone please help me.
I actually didn't realise this til now because I just assumed it was a coping mechanism from when I was really young. But when I tend to get stressed out or overwhelmed, I'll often start talking out loud to myself (which mostly means just whispering to myself because if i spoke really loudly, my mom would hear me lol). But nowadays with my fear of being surveilled, I keep having to catch myself because it's such a habit at this point for me to whisper out loud. Especially with me trying to reason through my false memories or really bad intrusive thoughts. Another compulsion. And then I keep thinking omg did I have my phone with me when I said that. Is anyone watching me rn? What if this person (that probably doesn't even exist) thinks my thoughts are true? What would everyone else think? And then I spiral afterwards. It sucks because I feel like I'm policing myself even when I know these are all just things I'm saying out loud and they don't mean anything— they're just thoughts after all. But I have this worry that if someone overheard me or all of this was suddenly revealed, that it might change how people see me or people might hate me or think i'm a bad person. And then I worry about me being worried about that because then I ask myself would a good person be worried about this? Anyways, another long post with me waffling and rambling. Thank you for taking the time to read this ❤️🩹
i really struggle with anxiety because on my OCD (not professionally diagnosed but i’ve been experiencing a lot of symptoms for many years that’s it’s safe to assume i have it). the only way to relieve my stress is to google. But google never gave me proper answers or i just ended up more anxious than to begin with. Instead i started using chat gpt as a quick was to get reassurance. i feel bad using it tho because i know it’s just a compulsion to go and seek reassurance to calm my anxiety but if i dont atleast google something i end up spiralling anyways. it feels like no matter what i do ill be anxious .
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