Username: amc1234

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w ago

Moms with harm OCD

I have made so much progress but recently had a set back since the thoughts started coming in not as what ifs but more like urges with commands like “do it” “you’ll be so much happier if you did” “he’ll be better off that way” etc etc.. I’ve done exposures with knives and other things that helped lessen the severity but how can I “accept” the thoughts when I feel like they are the worse thing ever. I had one the other day that was like oh you should take out life insurance on him.. like how can I just sit with that? I don’t get as much anxiety with them and the doubt makes me now think what if I actually have intent to do it now… any moms out here who are going through this… how did you learn to just accept the thoughts as just that.. thoughts?

Username: Anonymous 567Anonymous 567

Date posted: 38w ago

I struggle with the same things. I have a two yr old son that is my absolute world. I know how painful and disgusting these thoughts can be. I’m struggling with giving myself grace and moving on with my day and not ruminating. Rumination is my worst compulsion. I try very hard to not look at these thoughts as if they are mine. But they belong to the disorder and are trying anything to scare me. They always seem to be more loud when I’m alone with my son, doing something fun with my family, or playing with my son. I have them too when I’m cooking dinner and using knives or boiling hot water. I’ve had all kinds of thoughts/images/urges. You just have to learn to separate them from who you are. Which is hard bc once we have this disorder we tend to struggle with remembering who we were before this nightmare happened to us. Bc it’s like we live eat and breathe this disorder. It’s exhausting. All you can do is try your best to be present in the moments and live your life based on your values. You value your children otherwise you would not be be so bothered by this crap.

Username: HayBDHayBD

Date posted: 35w ago

@Anonymous 12t This is how I feel. How are you now?

Username: Anonymous 567Anonymous 567

Date posted: 35w ago

@HayBD I’m doing ehhh. Now struggling with fear of being crazy and being delusional or schizophrenic. You know, just your basic OCD 101 😂😂🥴

Username: HayBDHayBD

Date posted: 35w ago

@Anonymous 12t Yep feel that! I first had the harm ocd toward my son then had the ocd you’re explaining. Now both just linger constantly lol

Username: Anonymous 567Anonymous 567

Date posted: 35w ago

@HayBD Gotta love ocd. at least we aren’t alone. I feel like every time I see a mom out in public now I’ll be looking at her and her kid and think “I wonder if she has thoughts about smothering her kid or hating them or being a psychotic person and being institutionalized away from her family😂🥴💀 and then I just carry on with my shopping lol

Username: amc1234amc1234

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 35w ago

@Anonymous 12t 😆 I look on with envy at times thinking that they don’t have to go through this.. but that’s a better way to look at it! You never really know

Username: HayBDHayBD

Date posted: 31w ago

@Anonymous 12t How are you doing

Username: Anonymous 567Anonymous 567

Date posted: 31w ago

@HayBD The same! Haha some days better than others. Trying really hard to avoid rumination and it is helping.

Username: odettetheotter odettetheotter

Date posted: 38w ago

hi there! im not a mom but just wanted to help out. whenever i get thoughts like that i will just be like “that’s a strange thought” and then move on, if you show any amount of anxiety or worry about them then they get worse. just acknowledge the thought but don’t think more about it.

Username: Kiki10Kiki10

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w ago

It’s comforting to hear other moms with similar stories. Although I wish none of us had to deal with this crap! I have two boys and have also really struggled with harm ocd. At first it was more rumination and “what ifs” and very very frightening. Once that calmed down and I went on medication it became the command type urges and the fear of just being capable of hurting them. I can’t seem to get past the fact that I COULD at any moment do something. This was never something that even crossed my mind before OCD. Now I hate being around knives. I always enjoyed my time with my boys but now I feel like I’m enemy #1 most days. I agree trying to be present in the moment is best and remembering who you are at your core is key. These thoughts don’t bring joy or excitement and that’s also important to remember. OCD will try any trick in the book to get you anxious. I pray for you guys to find peace as well and hopefully have more good days than bad. If I’ve noticed anything about this disease it’s that there definitely WILL be good days, even if you can’t imagine it at the moment.

Username: HayBDHayBD

Date posted: 31w ago

@Kiki10 How are you doing?

Username: WillyNileWillyNile

Date posted: 38w ago

hey, it sounds like you're going through a really tough time, especially with those intrusive thoughts feeling more intense lately. it's super courageous of you to share and to have been working on exposures. that shows a lot of strength. 💪 have you heard about "unstuck"? it's an ai-powered therapy tool specifically for ocd (check it out at unstuckmyocd.com). it's been a game-changer for me this past month and could offer you some support too. another forum member pointed me towards it, and i honestly wish i'd found it sooner! 🌟

Username: PhillipFillip1PhillipFillip1

Date posted: 38w ago

Seconding this!!!! The unstuck app is the best thing on my phone for my OCD

Username: amc1234amc1234

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 38w ago

Thanks everyone for the support

Username: HayBDHayBD

Date posted: 35w ago

@amc1234 How are you doing?

Username: amc1234amc1234

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 35w ago

@HayBD I’m doing a lot better since this post. It was just another dip in my ocd symptoms. My progress looks like a roller coaster ride of symptoms waxing and waning. I threw myself into erp even more than I already was.. If the thoughts told me to avoid my son or avoid doing xyz I just did it anyway. I feel better but now I’m going through a little bout of depression, I think it’s because I’ve really stopped a lot of my compulsions .. maybe my body is just leveling out finally. Idk

Username: HayBDHayBD

Date posted: 31w ago

@amc1234 How are you doing?

Username: amc1234amc1234

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 31w ago

@HayBD Hi HayBD.. I stayed in the setback for a while to be honest.. I was just trying to “accept” my worse case scenario and I think I lost some insight because I kept ruminating on if I was going to do something. It made me depressed and I was doing compulsions again.. but then I knew I had to get back on track and I started doing ERP again but instead of accepting the worse case scenario I started accepting that it was OCD.. I think for now , I need to separate it. So I started just accepting the fact that I have OCD and these thoughts, feelings, sensations are all just a part of the disorder. I’m going to have thoughts of losing control and hurting my son .. and it’s just what OCD does (I know that this can also become a compulsion as well in some ways but I feel like it’s helped me move forward instead of accepting something that is far too great for me to accept right now)

Username: amc1234amc1234

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 31w ago

@HayBD How are you Doing?

Username: HayBDHayBD

Date posted: 20w ago

@amc1234 Hey just checking in to see how you are doing

Username: amc1234amc1234

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 20w ago

@HayBD I’ve been doing better now. I still have ups and downs but my ocd has kind of morphed into something else.. I continue to do erp, I also have dealt with some of my grief with having ocd which has helped slightly too. How are you doing?

Username: Kitten32Kitten32

Date posted: 13w ago

Hi I was wondering how your doing? I’m going through something very similar right now. It’s like once I got to the point of being “ok” with what ifs it switched to more intense thoughts 😭 I’m doing ICBT which helps me remember it’s ocd and a story from doubt …. But it’s so hard and makes me want to just run away

Username: kyles

Date posted: 1y ago

Harm OCD?

Yesterday I was sitting on my couch with my son enjoying time and suddenly my mind goes “what if you just killed him right now” and then I was going back and forth in my mind just do it, you don’t want to do it, what if you do, what would happen…..obviously I have control and didn’t do it but my fingers got all tingly I really was very upset by how real the urge felt. I’ve tried all my coping skills but I feel like a crazy person and can’t stop thinking about it. Any tips?

Harm OCD

Username: HopefulMama

Date posted: 1y ago

Mom with Harm OCD

Hi - I’m a Mom of 3 with Harm OCD. I’ve had OCD for a long time since I was a teen, prior to kids. It’s been harm/sexual orientation, etc. pretty much every theme at some point. My harm OCD got set off so badly by the Lindsay Clancy case back in January. It seemed to settle down for awhile and now is so bad again. I question if it’s even OCD at this point or if I’m actually an awful person wanting to do these things. I’m really struggling. The thoughts feel like urges and it’s all day long. I think of the case everyday wondering and trying to figure out if it was OCD that she had that turned into her losing control and feel sick to my stomach then panic that will be me. Any other Mom’s out there dealing with similar issues? Thank you.🤍

Username: Sharalanda_M...

Date posted: 48w ago

Harm OCD as a mother of 2 young children

I have had what I think is Harm OCD since the age of 10. My mom didn’t understand when I told her “I feel like I might kill someone” which ultimately led to me suffering in silence until the age of 20 where I was just diagnosed with GAD. Since being on Zoloft for over 10 years I did relatively well. I would have small flair ups, but was able to pull myself out of it. Now, since having my second child, I have completely relapse and I struggle almost daily. I was weaned off of Zoloft and put on Lexapro. Which seemed to work and now I’m back to square one. TL;DR My thought is that I would choke my children. It sometimes almost feels like and urge (my hands feel weird). This is the last think I ever want to do and it causes me distress to the point of panic. TW: Sucide. Sometimes I think it’s better if I’m just not here because I wouldn’t be a danger to my children. I often think about movies like shutter island and think I am like that mother. Or real some real like mother that drown her children that I saw on the news when I was a kid. It has also turned into Psychosis OCD at times where I am so afraid I am developing psychosis and that I would hurt my kids from that. Which comes with its whole own set of “rules” and fears. I’m just trying to find some confirmation that this is actually ocd or if I have something else. I’m just struggling. Thanks for reading.

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