I can’t do it anymore

I don’t want to have to deal with this anymore, everyone else in my life just knows whether or not they’re a bad person and what they’re attracted to, I’m on medication and whilst that helps with the anxiety I’m never going to feel certain that I’m not a bad person so what’s the point in it anymore - I’ve been suffering for years and I just want it to stop. I genuinely don’t feel like there’s anything worth living for besides the people I love.

Lyka693

Date posted: 1y

Hi, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I'm actually in the same boat and after years I'm finally seeing relief from even guilt adding another approach. I'm not saying to try this because I'm just a person that it helped and definitely no doctor. What actually helped me was this process called the neurocycle. While erp therapy teaches us to dismiss I found this very difficult at times for me although it did help some. Whats helping me immensely is using statements instead that reinforce a healthy thinking pattern while targeting fear( neurocycle) without engaging in compulsions. So if I had a pocd thought that caused me to feel awful I would think( I use God in there bc of my beliefs but if someone beliefs are different they can just use a different statement tailored to them) "I am not this thought, I am strong , confident, and good." to catch the thought Then I might add"Sexuality was given to us by God. I can see other's through God's eyes of innocence and beauty. I'm healing at every moment " And anytime I would use it and different ones...the neurocycle is more detailed, but this is small example. So eventually my thinking pattern of I'm this horrible person changed to I am a good person and I let it go. According to the neurocycle it takes 63 days to change a thought pattern so it gives you steps to do this. Of course I use ocd therapy in there, but tried to pull the positive from this. For pocd sensations, I would use dismissing and neurocycle together. For example if I got a uncomfortable sensation I would initially panic with the feeling ,but then I learned to pause, think ok you're there I don't care ,I'm just letting you pass through, you can keep coming,whatever and go about my day ...and use this over and over until the sensations got weaker and weaker. I would also use my neurocycle phrase in similar situations" I disconnect these sensations/feelings from "( whatever it's connected to)" anytime I got weird sensations attached with something I didn't want, and used it as well and this helped to break connections in my brain. I don't know what docs may think but it did help me with pocd in addition to therapy methods. Wish you the best.

OCDFamily

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I am so sorry to read you are having such a tough time right now. Glad the meds helped a little and glad you recognize this as ocd. That is huge! What ocd therapy / books have you tried so far?

hannahsheppy

Date posted: 1y

@OCDFamily There’s books for help in ocd?

OCDFamily

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@hannahsheppy Yes! I liked this one https://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Unwanted-Intrusive-Thoughts-Frightening-ebook/dp/B01LWA5RQU/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?adgrpid=77314715453&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.ftQ8VwTycUhiAA7OgaC8X6rDNtojkNlkdvXyrZM8jcTIQtAXp-RoeIr1r4QG9iFDMfJBGv2YIbr3CjPw7XsoFWSlrI-cl4CS3iIwFNKVhpdXAaQ81Bzg63DKZcNjsBPpSLwvqES7iDZhajqG47l9MnbUfE01CB7JZaLbni02ujYWii5ovyK70WOXhK7CmIfJVlqMqnkJ3KyqXukLJLCKlA.uE4pG1CoOScZXe8I8WHhKZERyJRB9yCwlczXO6WNFTU&dib_tag=se&hvadid=410030221090&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=1027066&hvnetw=g&hvqmt=e&hvrand=18031736645576089299&hvtargid=kwd-835837759565&hydadcr=22158_11239362&keywords=overcoming+intrusive+thoughts+book&qid=1712578892&sr=8-2

hannahsheppy

Date posted: 1y

I understand this 100% idk what to do either .

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 15w

I don’t want to do this anymore

I’m struggling so much, I don’t know what’s changed. I was doing so well for a solid two months and now it’s been over a month of just my lowest point. My bf has gotten upset at how much I do compulsions and it’s taxing him too. I can’t imagine how hard it is to be my partner right now. I feel exhausted I’m tired of my OCD finding new things to obsess or worry over. I’m so TIRED of getting stuck on technicalities. I’m so exhausted with the constant intrusive thoughts and intrusive thinking. I’m so sick of how compulsive I get when I’m so riddled with anxiety. I don’t want to keep pushing. It feels pointless if my life is going to be a constant loop of ups and extreme lows. I feel like such a disgusting, embarrassing person. I don’t want love because I don’t feel like I deserve it. I don’t want patience or understanding because it makes me feel so guilty. Like no one is understanding how bad of person I could truly be. I’m so lost and tired of this

avantika 🪻

Date posted: 14w

Rant...

I just feel like therapy isn’t working… like I get to talk about myself and understand myself… but I’m already incredibly self aware. My therapist thought I was like 5 years older than I am… and she gives me such basic strategies that do absolutely nothing for me. And a psychiatrist prescribed me with Zoloft… but I don’t know if T want to take medication. I’m scared of side effects… and I’m scared of getting better… I’m scared of letting my guard down. I know it will make me less cautious which makes me less likely to push myself to perfection like I currently do, which I can’t have happen. Every time I talk to my mom about it, she’s always like “Let’s talk about this some other time, I’m busy with other things”, and then never remembers. But in the rare moments we do talk about it, she treats it like I’m signing up to be a drug addict. I also feel very guilty for spending so much of my parents’ money- therapy… medication… etc… and also the idea of my being unlovable is so deeply engraved in my brain… I genuinely, truly believe it. No therapy or medication can fix it. I can’t change my mind. My therapist tells me my misophonia is not a “deal-breaker” and that someone would be lucky to have me as a partner… but then why hasn’t anyone ever liked me? My own FAMILY can’t stand me. How do I believe something I know isn’t true? That’s even harder to accept than me being unlovable. I can’t see someone loving me. And it is so incredibly exhausting to seek love,e I know I cannot have. My sister says, “It will get better with age…” It has only ever gotten worse. To the point I don’t want to get better. It has reached the severity where I feel more safe and successful with anxiety. My past 3 birthdays have been me wishing for therapy. And now I have therpay- and medication, the potential key… and I refuse? Am I too deep in? I cant get out, it’s too late. How did absolutely no one notice how much I had and have been hurting? Why did no one listen to my cries or worries? I feel really depressed and hopeless right now. It takes so much effort to get up every day… I’m so tired.

liyah1787g

Date posted: 12w

Anyone else?

TW: SEWERSLIDE WARNING I’m scared to continue living because I don’t want the worst to happen. The worst being me discovering I’m a sociopath, pedophile, ephebophile etc… I have people I don’t want to disappoint. I keep looking for an excuse/something wrong with me so that I can decide whether I want to continue living or just end my life and save myself from the embarrassment of my loved ones finding out. At the same time I’m afraid to die. I feel like I’m not making a lot of progress in therapy. The only thing keeping me going right now is the thought that maybe one day I will find out that I’m not a creep, a sociopath &/or an ephebophile. At the same time living everyday is hard with all this looming over me. Some days I feel like I can continue no &’s ifs or buts. Other days I feel like im my own cheerleader & i am actually this bad person i think i am. I am so confused. Yesterday this thing came up where i suddenly find myself thinking a 17 yr old actor is attractive mind you im 21 yrs old.. idk if this is arousal nonconcordance or what it is honestly..I’m just afraid that it says something about who I am.. maybe that’s why I like guys my age with smaller bodies because it reminds me of a younger person??? Idk

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