I’m so close to confessing everything.

I’ve been drowning lately, and in addition, my father passed away. Everything is coming back, it’s like my therapy has been reversed to day one. All the thoughts are back, and the guilt accompanies them. The real events tied to the theme haunt me and swallow me up in guilt. I feel evil, and my partner of several years deserves to know what I’ve done. But, if she knew, it would be the end of our relationship. I know this for a fact. My actions as both a teenager and young adult are enough to ensure that. If it was just the intrusive thoughts, I could cope. But the real guilt, it thickens around my bones as rigid as mud in the Red River Valley.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

I'm sorry about your father. Stress in general can make OCD flare up when not expected. I would deal with one theme with months of ERP, feel fine, and have a thought about something else that would worry me, then suddenly I've started ruminating and developed a different obsession. It is very sneaky, and preys on you when you're already wounded. Try not to beat yourself up, you are only human and this time, you know what habits to try and develop on your own to lessen your symptoms. Try to reach back on what you learned in therapy. As for whatever you did when you were younger, I would highly recommend traditional therapy with a therapist you develop a good rapport with. They can confidently listen to you and discuss this, and help you work through it. No matter what happened, you still have good you can accomplish in this world. You are not the same person you were before, or even yesterday. Each day is a new day, and an opportunity to mold yourself into a better person. The below quote has helped me when thoughts of my precious wrongdoings arise. "No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river and he's not the same man." - Heraclitus

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

*previous Not precious

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 1y

Big hugs. I am so so sorry to hear about your father and the struggle. I would encourage you to DELAY confessing to your partner until you have thoroughly talked with someone else (like a therapist). It’s possible that confessing to your partner is a compulsion. You don’t want to do a compulsion that would make you lose the relationship. Grief and stress makes OCD so much worse. You need time to process before you confess. This means all the time you need—months or years even. So you can DELAY talking to your partner for however long it takes to process through things. Most likely, confessing is a compulsion, which means that you would never have to confess to her at all. Big hugs. So so sorry. Things will get better in time. Grief clouds everything and makes the OCD worse. But that is for a season. 💙💙 sending hugs your way

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