So after ruminating on a memory for hours everyday for the last two months i stopped since I was getting quite confused. I was driving when I suddenly had this familiar feeling and then I had like a flashback and I recalled what ACTUALLY happened and this feels true but I’m unsure if I should trust it.
I have been ruminating on a thought for over two months now, including today, it’s not nice, specially, knowing that it was one of my fears, till this day I can’t really recall what actually did or didn’t happen. Specially because I wasn’t intoxicated the moment that my triggers stepped in, and since that day, my life has never been the same
@Lunah30 I completely relate. I also wonder if the anxiety and OCD has blown it out of proportion and i honestly sorta hope it is because i don’t know how i’ll keep living if everything i doubt is true.
It’s OK I totally understand you, sometimes I just feel like I’m tired of living and not in the suicide away, although I also have suicide OCD, but my main point is that I just wanna live a happy and complete life, I honestly hate the day that everything blow out of proportion to the point that I can’t even tell fiction from reality but everything feels so real and that’s my guilt latelyI just need to learn how to live with uncertainty but it’s costing me a lot
I would tread carefully here. I am currently experiencing a spike that foe the sake of ease, we will call false memory. In this case, it's more of a what if turned into a situation...any "memories" I have, on some level I know was most likely just me mentally picturing it and turning that into a big deal. Why did it happen? My theory is this...I had a what if, I pictured the what if, I had preloaded fear that then made the what if seem familiar. Why? That's exactly what I don't want to feel. In the past I had another false memory situation...I ruminated on it forever until the imagined scenarios felt familiar and like it very well could've happened. I felt all sorts of bad feelings as if it did in fact happen. Was I getting glimpses of a repressed memory? I wasn't sure. But this went on until I finally worked up the courage to randomly ask the other person involved. And I brought it up a couple times nonchalantly on 2 separate occasions. The person agreed it never happened both times. Now could they be lying? Could they also have forgotten? Maybe. Unlikely, but anything is possible. Point it, this is a bizarre disorder that can really make us...crazy for lack of a better term I'd recommend doing ERP and creating some distance between you and this memory or future false memories and then see where you're at
This memory was uncomfortable but i didn’t feel anxious although it does prove one of my fears not all of them but still.
Do you have a trained OCD therapist, one who uses ERP? OCD therapists will teach you how to stay in the present and how to stay in uncertainty. These tools help you to stay off OCD's rumination treadmill.
@Steven55! I’ve just now started seeing a therapist. I think it’s true now, I don’t know if it was a moment of clarity or everything just clicked but it feels like a real memory. Now I’m wondering if even more happened…
@mon12 - If you're seeing an OCD therapist who uses ERP, this is treatable. False memory OCD is very common and can be treated. With OCD, don't believe everything you feel. OCD is a liar and will try to get you on its treadmill by sending false thoughts and feelings.
Hi :-) has anyone ended up convincing themselves they did something they didn't do? I've been wrestling with wondering if past thoughts were actually memories. For the past month I've reviewed and checked and asked people...nothing point to anything happening and yet as I told myself today, it must have happened, I felt calmer like "okay, well now you know." Part of it is also now wondering what else I may have blacked out. But so far I am more at peace than I have been when I was going through the "what if it did happen?" (Things from 10 years ago).
How can something that’s not true feel so real?! Something I had intrusive thoughts about months ago, has come back and now I’m stuck. I had reassurance from my husband around these thoughts at the time ( I know that’s wrong by the way but I was desperate) Now I keep ruminating on that previous reassurance and my ocd is doubting that and my memory of it is feeling all hazy. I’m walking around with a constant feeling of being on edge and I’ve been resisting my urge to ask for reassurance again for weeks now but it’s just not going away. Can anyone here relate? How can I get it to move on? The whole maybe maybe not approach is just not appropriate here, it’s already making me uncomfortable around my husband with just the thoughts being present, thoughts that logically deep down I know are false.
I read multiple articles on false memory ocd an now I’m confused. I actually thought that false memory ocd is marked by things that are actually completely fabricated by the brain. But I keep seeing things like „an event that may or may not have happened“, does this mean that it could actually be true? Are there any ways how to find out if what you’re going through is real if it’s an actual bad act? Because for me I have been completely focused on false memory ocd lately and while I was ruminating on another one, I suddenly got an image of sth even worse that could maybe be like 7 or 8 months ago. I never remembered this happening and for months I’ve been convinced I had never hurt anybody but then I got this image. I instantly also thought that this didn’t happen and that I would definitely remember if it had happened because it’s actually horrible and it’s not just something you would quickly do and then completely forget, it’s an actual entire act. And I never was close to that person. But I keep being like „but what if I listened to my intrusive thoughts? But I can’t remember doing that and I even have posts on here from around that time saying I was too afraid of that person and that I would never ever listen to my intrusive thoughts… but what if I tried to get rid of my ocd theme by doing this? Nah that’s not what I would do and I know that… I’ve never done any harmful things just to get rid of this theme this is stupid“ etc etc. Like I keep fearing I might’ve done this and done it for various reasons. But I can’t actually remember doing it. All those scenarios feel like they’re just imaginations. But I can’t let go of it. And usually for memories it’s that with time you start to be able to puzzle it all together trough evidence and u don’t forget bad things you’ve done. For example, I know that like a year ago I pushed my sister while I was having an argument with her. I remember everything from then because in my entire life I’ve barely ever done anything to others and so I usually remember those events almost 100% perfectly. I also remember sth from almost 10 years ago in which I called one of my friends (and ik this is bad, that’s why I remember it) fat. I lost a few details but I still remember what exactly I did and that the exact same day I called the parents and apologised bc I felt bad. But for this scenario, I’ve been ruminating on it for TWENTY days and I’m still in the doubting stage. I have spent hours ruminating by now and I still don’t have any actual memories back, just things like „but what if I was mad and then just did this and instantly forgot about it?“ and all this. But not an actual full scenario of me doing this even though it could only be a few months away. Idk what To do, I can’t continue living with the uncertainty. If it’s real, then I won’t even continue living. People like these are terrible and disgusting and don’t deserve living and everybody can agree on that.
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