Tired

@Sandyforest76 I’ve been dealing with these thoughts since January and, even if sometimes gets better, there are still some days like these. I think there will always be unfortunately, I hope it’s ocd and not something else. Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it.

@Anonymous Yeah I completely understand, that is one thought nearly everyone with ocd has ‘I hope it’s ocd’ or ‘what if it’s not ocd’. It is your OCD, it is like a punch in the face one day your fine next your thinking this is not going to end. Once you have overcome the brunt of your OCD, the thoughts may still come, but your OCD will not put any meaning onto them and if it does you will understand that it is OCD and not who you are. When a thought comes say outloud ‘whatever’ or try to laugh it off, it is hard I have had to do it myself and it’s been awful at times but also you need to try and accept the uncertainty that you could be gay, obviously you know your not but your ocd is latching onto these thoughts because it knows you fear it. I had to just accept the uncertainty which at times my ocd tried to tell me it’s because your lesbian/bi and at times it felt so so real I would cry and just cry. But the more I done it now hardly any of my thoughts bother me. I am no longer putting meaning to the thoughts and i laugh at them. I know easier said than done but once ocd knows your not going to be controlled by it you will find you feel like yourself again. It is hard but I know if I thought comes like oh your gay etc i do not put any meaning to it as I am not my OCD. Neither are you!! Keep going it is hard but you can do it well done

@Anonymous Also on the days you feel better, do you feel yourself? Because I found when I was so anxious the thoughts just kept coming and I couldn’t even think straight, after I had calmed down I felt totally fine and was looking back thinking oh my it’s just my ocd.

@Sandyforest76 Very beautiful message, it gives me the strength that I probably need today. I can’t really understand how it is possible that something that it is not true can be so real. As you said, when I’m anxious I feel literally desperate and I can’t go out from my thoughts, but when I calm down I can see more with clarity. At the same time though, when I feel better, I still think that I’m hiding something to myself, because it’s so weird not to have the thoughts and I ask myself “well, why are you not thinking about it? In this way you can’t figure it out the truth” and so on. But yes, when I feel better I see with more clarity, even if there are always doubts around the topic.

@Anonymous When you have calmed down, your ocd is still trying to have hold on you to make your anxiety sky high again, I completely understand. It is making your thought process so far from the truth that you obsess over it so much that when you don’t you think oh this is so unusual, well infact YOU do not think that. Your OCD thinks ‘why am I not getting a reaction anymore’ let’s try and bring another reaction so I can get even harder to get away.

@zara khan🥴 Thank you for your words. Sometimes we just need to know that we are not alone.

@Anonymous Most welcome... Yes u are not alone Everyone go through a bad phase in their life Its normal But after that phase How u handle urself is most important Stay calm and be strong Do erp and reduce the reactions daily

@zara khan🥴 Zara is right - stay strong and have faith in the process and in yourself even when you can't believe it's anything other than what your OCD says it is. I have been where you are and you can't just wish it away however much you want to. All we can do is keeping amazing strong in the face of OCD and try not to let it get the better of us. Keeping going, I promise in time it can get so much better.

@ada110 *staying strong

@ada110 I hope it gets better, thank you for your words. I’ve seen you have my same subtypes. Can I ask you how you’ve dealt with them and maybe also your experience? I would appreciate it so much. Thank you.

@Anonymous I would also like to know as I have this subtype

@ada110 True Time heals everything

@zara khan🥴 Yes I have ROCD and SO OCD. I have been having therapy with a NOCD therapist and learning and practising ERP. It has been a longer process than I would have liked and I have had many moments where it's got hard again and but I've always learnt something from them. I still have thoughts often but they don't bother me much. It can still easily make me believe I have OCD! That is what it does. It's about accepting that it's going to make you doubt, but you just don't listen. Although my SO OCD theme was much more extreme in terms of how bad it made me feel, in some ways the ROCD theme has been harder to tackle because I was so fused with my thoughts they felt normal. It still catches me out. The anxiety, guilt, disgust, despair were so intense with SO OCD it made it easier for me to notice these as OCD symptoms and therefore put into practice my responses I'd learnt in ERP. Accepting the journey won't be perfect was big for me. There were so many times I didn't believe I was doing enough, blaming myself, not recognising my progress but now I'm kinder to myself and don't expect perfection. Conversely this is better for recovery. My advice is to access ERP and get therapy from a therapist trained in it if you can, try and notice what you might be avoiding to avoid feelings of discomfort, and understand that your OCD will CONSTANTLY tell you you don't really have it, that it's real, but you need to learn to ignore this. It wouldn't be such a debilitating disorder if it didn't feel so real and scary. Sending lots of love and luck.

@Anonymous I told my boyfriend I had ocd first and explained what that was etc - then I told him about the subtype, more specifically I asked my therapist to explain it to him

@Anonymous Not yet actually, and I don’t know if I want to do it. It’s really shameful and I feel so guilty, I’m not ready to face with it, at least for now. I already have my ocd thoughts, if I even have more things to worry about I think I can literally go crazy 😂 but one day probably I will

@Anonymous Yeah, I completely understand! I think I’ll keep it to myself for now as well!