Feel like losing it...

I've probably been worse than this before, but there are times at the moment I fear for my sanity. I calm myself down, but it's so easy to get myself in state that I'm constantly on edge and can't relax. I recently had a routine cancer test come back negative, and I actually wish at times it had been positive so I could just say goodbye to loved ones and then die quietly - whilst still myself. I know the reality would be nothing like that, as I've seen first-hand what cancer does, but I'm tired and emotional. Still on waiting list for counselling at local practice. Just want to feel normal again.

Username: confused writerconfused writer

Date posted: 36w ago

The thing about ocd is that it frustrating and exhausting. So in some place - you can want to d!e to stop suffering. But it’s not the right place, because if you have harm ocd it’s against your core values. I can tell you about myself that I have suic!dal ocd, and before that, I had several health concern cause I was so afraid to d!e. And now I want to. How can that be? Because that’s what OCD does. It’s a feeling. It will pass. I hope I will be able to tell myself that every day.

Username: OCDisAwful1204OCDisAwful1204

Date posted: 23w ago

@confused writer I’m going through this right now omg are you feeling better!? Yesterday morning I was struggling because I was having heart palpitations and thought I was gonna die and was terrified, then today all of the sudden I have su!cid@l ocd and now I’m like WTF???????

Username: CAW1122CAW1122

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 36w ago

I have thought about that a few times. I won’t hurt myself, but a disease would be a good way to check out. It’s sad because life is worth living, and severe episodes of OCD cause us to forget. My advice, throw yourself 100% into your recovery - medication, and exposure therapy, etc. you will get your life back. It works. It’s not perfect, but nothing is. I’ve been in evidence based therapy for 3 months and my symptoms have significantly subsided. Yes, I have moments where the OCD creeps back in, but I go back to using the tools. I look at this as a long journey. It will take time, but will be worth it. Life is worth living. I wish you the best and will pray for your recovery

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 36w ago

I relate to wanting a cancer diagnosis to at least get me out of this hell

Username: TwylerGuy12

Date posted: 5y ago

I havent been on here in a while and honestly stuff has been getting worse. I legitimately feel like I'm crazy, but sometimes it comes in waves. For a bit I may be feeling fine and then I get an odd feeling and just feel off and the instrusive thoughts start getting worse. These thoughts are literally eating me alive. I love my parents and I would be devastated if anything happened to them, but I feel like I'm the danger and I hate it. I find myself leaving the house as often as I can and when I come back at night I literally get the worse feelings. They already know about this and I've been seeing a doctor about it, but cant get a psychiatrist appointment until jan 22 ?. At this point I dont even consider it ocd I just think I fucked my brain up with drugs.

Username: sometimes_mary

Date posted: 4y ago

I have had anxiety issues for years and have been in therapy for that. But a big change in my life made it spin out of control. Btw, I am a bit of a control freak. So, for the last year, health anxiety has reigned. It all started when I had a panick attack and ran out of the operation room where I had to go under for a very simple, preventive procedure (I was convinced I wasn’t going to wake up.) I faced it again and made it. But after that I have been going from one health scare to the other. Skin cancer, oral cancer, breats cancer, HPV related cervical cancer - went through each recently. These are accompanied by panick attacks, insomnia and anxiously googling symptoms and testimonials. Every visit to the doctor end with panick that I forgot to check other important symptoms or that she might not be taking me seriously and miss something important. Now I am worried about a lymph node under my jaw that is slightly swollen. I know chances are it is ok and it is not cancer, it’s my anxiety. But what if it isn’t? And on it goes. I just want to stop worrying and go a day without googling symptoms or health issues. I am waiting for it to pass as these periods of health anxiety are kinda like panicks attacks - they build up, they peak and then they pass. I am afraid doctors will stop taking me seriously (this week I saw my doctor for a melanoma scare and a sore breast.) I am afraid when my doctor doesn’t investigate further and I am afraid when she does. I know it is absurd (I recently googled eye cancer) but I can’t stop. Sorry for the long post, I guess I wanted to write it all down and share it.

Username: Pija

Date posted: 27w ago

I feel lost

My life is falling apart. I've been dealing with a really bad OCD flare up for over a month now and it's been really bad. I'm absolutely terrified of rabies and schizophrenia. But honestly absolutely any random "symptom" I notice scares me. Like rn I have a runny nose and I've just convinced myself it's my spinal fluid and that I'm gonna die and I'm freaking out. Also I've been dealing with personal issues. My two best friends one of which I was/am in love with completely abandoned me. Another toxic person is trying to come back to my life. I feel so lost. I'm so anxious, so terrified, so exhausted. Why can't something good happen for once? I just want to feel okay. I hate thinking I'm dying all day every day:(

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Feel like losing it...

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