Happiness

I just want to be happy with my boyfriend and I genuinely don’t know what to do. How will I get over this… every time I find some peace something from my past comes to haunt me and I always find a reason as to why that means I’m gay. Every time I think well I’ve liked guys my whole life I convince myself that it was all fake. This sucks and I’m so tired of this. I want 100% certainty and I don’t know how to be okay without it. It wouldn’t be fair to him if I’m gay and I hurt him down the road. The last thing I would ever want to do it hurt him that’s why I want to figure this out and be done with it once and for all

Username: Starve_The Monster2099Starve_The M...

Date posted: 36w ago

Listen up. You have OCD, and it goes against your values. No matter how real or convincing it may feel, it's still OCD. Don't let it take over your life - stay true to your values and beliefs. You've got this.

Username: takingmylifebacktakingmylife...

Date posted: 36w ago

@Starve_The Monster2099 Thank you for this!!

Username: Cashmoney321Cashmoney321

Date posted: 36w ago

I’m sorry to hear that you are in a state of so much uncertainty and I’m sure you feel as if these different emotions make you tired, frustrated, and maybe even feel alone. I want to reassure you that the state of happiness you hope to have with you boyfriend is not out of reach. I struggle with losing hope that I may never regain control of my life and that I’ll never be able to be happy with my girlfriend because of the distraction that is OCD. You said your past comes to haunt you and although I may experience memories of my past in a different way than you do I can confidently say that past actions, thoughts, etc. does not mean anything about who you are now. You may not be able to have 100% certainty bc unfortunately ocd tends to eliminate that from your mind but that doesn’t mean you can’t have comfort. I would recommend to try finding comfort in not knowing, because not knowing something doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy what’s right in front of you. For example, I struggle with false memory ocd and I’m constantly ruminating about my past and going over every “what if scenario” I can think of to try and find certainty. I’ve learned by this habit that what’s in the past should stay there. There are wonderful things that you deserve to experience now. I challenge you that when you experience these haunting thoughts about your past to acknowledge that they are there but not to try and put stake into what they mean about you now. You obviously care for your boyfriend so much and these thoughts frighten and that is a sign in itself that deep down you know the truth about who you are. Which is why you try to rationalize everything. You got this!!!!!!

Username: takingmylifebacktakingmylife...

Date posted: 36w ago

@pswizzle123 I can’t begin to explain how much it means to me that you wrote this! Thank you for taking the time! It helped so much and you are so right!!!!

Username: idont241

Date posted: 5y ago

I can’t anymore. I really can’t. The what if I am attracted to them. The “why does it have to be a man with a woman” (which by the way- I only now get when women are talking in love songs. And whenever I look at any couple). I am just tired. Tired of feelings like crap. I just want to go to what I was before, but was I like this before? Have I always been like this? I am tired. My anxiety levels are ALWAYS the worse at the morning. I am starting to obsess whether I like this friend now! And it doesn’t matter how much I try to accept it, it doesn’t go away. Like there is still something wrong. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. At this point. How can I still be straight? I literally get triggered by everything. And how can I just not be gay? I have no reason to think that but it feels so real. It’s like I have no sexuality at all. And this is all that I can think about every single hour of my day. I am even thinking about this in dreams! I even wonder that the fact I am so upset right now is because I am scared of telling people and that they won’t accept me. When I don’t even know who I am myself. I am so done. What even is this? Have I always been like this? I am getting flashbacks and it’s telling me I have.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Idk

Date posted: 5y ago

I seriously have never thought about girls until now. It just never crossed my mind. I never liked or had feelings for a girl. And now that I’m constantly questioning everything and picturing everything. It just feels like I like it. It scares me, would I be happy with a girl ?? I don’t want to be with a girl but I feels like I do want this. It’s so confusing. I can’t tell whether this is actually ocd or I’m genuinely attracted to the same sex. I hate this so much !!! It’s like I just completely lost myself and questioned it so much I’ve just become lesbian but some things just don’t make sense. Why would I catch feelings for other boys? Never girls. I don’t know anymore. I’m happy with my boyfriend. Without these thoughts I’d be so good and so much more happy. Now I just don’t fucking know and this hurts so damn bad that I can’t just rest not one day. This is so damn stressful and hurtful to question your identity every single day. Sometimes I seriously just feel like I’m lesbian but I can’t seem to settle on that because I just can’t be. I want to just die. I hate what my mind is doing to me. I hate I have to go through these thoughts alone. I hate everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and never see anyone. I just want to hug my boyfriend and have my thoughts erased. I’ve thought too much and too deep I can’t stop. I’m crying from sadness because I don’t know what’s real anymore and I never in a million years thought this is something I’d have to deal with.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Username: Ridethewave

Date posted: 2y ago

Must be real

I have chronic anxiety all day thinking my sexuality.. It feels like I want it and thinking about a future my boyfriend is riddled eith anxiety and feeling like I don't want it and would rather be with a woman. I feel sad because I feel like i have to end things with my boyfriend to be a lesbian. I'm riddled with anxiety, sadness, guilt and helplessness. I can't take this feeling anymore I want it all to stop! I'm at my whits end, I feel like I've been thinking about this shit forever, even before I met my boyfriend. I'm just so done

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