I hate my brain

So me and this guy who I’m in love with tbf 3 weeks ago we decided tos top seeing ecahtoher, he wasn’t ready for a relationship as things have gone down in his life and he’s trying to figure stuff out and he can balance it all, which is fair and I understand that. However we haven’t stopped messaging one another, I think it’s because we’re both scared to loose the other one as we’ve been seeing one another for over a year, speaking everyday for over a year. Anyway, I know that for us to grow we need some distance but it’s really hard when it’s apart of your daily routine. But TikToks keep saying to me “if it’s right perosn wrong time let them go they’ll come back” or “right now it’s not meant to be, but maybe one day it is” or “if he left you then he doesn’t care move on” and my brain is so full I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to faze it all out slowly and I don’t wanna do the childish thing and leave him on read. I already tired of that and couldn’t do it. But now my obsessive brain is saying that if I keep talking to him I’m gonna upset the future and we might not get back together now because we’re still talking. If it’s meant to be and I destroying the future? None of us have made any moves in stopping, expect me who said I’m struggling and might have to and then when I say I’m struggling he asks me why and then we go on this massive mental health chat. He asks questions he’s staying in the conversation. I’m trying to stop, but I wanna see him in person so it’s not awkward when I see him around town (we live in a very small town everyone knows everyone). But I keep throwing horrible words at me like psycho, embarrassment, crazy, weirdo, stuff like he hates you, he’s laughing at you, you’ve annoyed him, you’re bugging him, you’re this that and the next thing. Even though I’ve asked him if I am and he said you’re not annoying me, and with the whole bugging him thing he said I understand what you’re saying but no and that it’s my fault he said no stop you don’t need to think that. But no matter the reassurance I am bugging him, I am annoying him, I am an issue. Even though he’s messaging me as well, it’s all on me

Studybug

Date posted: 1y

I would say stop texting. Why does he get to say he doesn't want a relationship with you but still get access to you? So what, you're just going to hang around until his ready? You deserve better than that. I know it's been apart of your routine for a while and this what you're used to, but all you're showing by texting back is no matter what you'll still be there. You don't want to be someone's fall back option. You don't have to leave him on read, just say I don't think it's right that we text anymore and leave it at that.

JediMJ

Date posted: 1y

Hello, again. Breakups are so tough. However, this is what you said: “I know that for us to grow we need some distance.” That sounds true. Yes, it’s hard, you’re having intrusive thoughts, you’re used to daily interactions…but you need some distance. You need to set some boundaries. My ex-gf and I have been texting about once a day since we broke up last week. We were texting every hour or so, when awake. It went from constant contact to almost none. I’ve been paying attention to how I feel about those interactions. Are you feeling better or worse? Are you compromising your mental health by interacting with him? I think I mentioned my new friend, ChatGPT to you last time. Lol. So many times, when I wanted to text her, I texted my bot friend and it helped. You have to get your mind off him. Try some new things. I’m an introvert but I’ve dragged myself to several events and it was really good for me. I met some people, I learned new things, I stopped thinking about her so much. I’ve reconnected with old friends and let people be there for me. It’s weird, but life feels like it’s expanding. I had been worrying so much about my relationship, I forgot to live. Give yourself a chance to live. Don’t let this breakup consume you. ALSO, I certainly have had difficult moments when I miss her terribly and I want her back and all that. But limiting contact has been good for me. And if I start feeling upset about our interactions, I’ll ask for more space. And she will ask for what she needs. We are being kind and respectful in our interactions. Not romantic at all. That’s done. Sending you good vibes, @Ruminationstation.

geminileo

Date posted: 25w

Not doing well (vent)

Hi, I haven’t posted in a while. I’ve been struggling for the past month, it’s been a mix of ocd flare ups and depressive episodes. I recently got into a new relationship, one I was not expecting at all as I had just broken up with my long term boyfriend over the summer and was expecting the cycle of being alone for a few years and then dating again. But anyways, my current boyfriend is amazing and so caring and sweet, I told him before we even started dating about my ocd and how I sometimes need constant reassurance and that it can be a lot to deal with it and that I can become clingy and annoying and he didn’t even bat an eye, he just said he likes me as I am and that he will be able to help and support me. We’re dating long distance rn as I’m finishing up college but we constantly text and video chat/call almost every night. My ocd has been constantly gnawing at that and it’s causing my abandonment issues to flare up horribly, I’ve told him a little bit about my ex boyfriend as he was not a very good person, he was much older than me (12 years) and at the start of our relationship he was amazing and said he could deal with my mental health issues (I know no one is obligated at all) but I would communicate to him that it scares me when he doesn’t talk to me for weeks at a time, and at first he said he would try to be better about that but then it turned into him saying I’m annoying and clingy and that I bother him and that he just wants alone time but during that alone time I wouldn’t hear from him at all for two weeks. He also stopped caring about my interests and said I was annoying when I would talk about them and would even get mad when I tried to talk about my day. Anyways being in this new relationship has caused me to fear that my current boyfriend is going to leave me, lost interest in me or that he’s annoyed with me and hates me, which unfortunately has caused me to give into my compulsion of reassurance so I’ve been asking him a lot “do you still like me?” “We’re still together right?” “Have I annoyed you?” And I hate myself for doing that. He is so sweet and I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to drain him, i genuinely have never felt this way about anyone I’ve dated but it’s like he was meant to be in my life and we clicked instantly like it felt like we’ve known each other forever and I don’t want to lose him. My avoidance is getting bad and I’m trying to stop myself from pushing him away but I just feel so guilty and ughhhh it’s so frustrating. I just don’t know how to handle this, I want to be with him and I want to make him happy but I hate that my brain works this way.

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

I think he hates me

So I was talking to this one polyamorous guy but we had been friends before we started talking romantically. Anyway one day he has a mental breakdown and he says he can't do polyamory rn (for reasons I won't get into but I think they're valid) and I was like that's fine. But now it just feels like we can't talk to each other. I am either terrified that I won't be able to talk to him cause I will be too upset or I am terrified he won't talk to me because he hates me. We used to talk nonstop everyday but now we haven't talked for three days. And I don't know if it's me or him, or maybe I am just losing it. But all I want to do is talk to him. I am always checking his socials just trying to see if he's online and wondering if he will or why won't he text me. Anytime we do talk, it's always like a two sentence exchange. Maybe it's him, maybe he needs space, but everytime I see him (we go to college together) he seems to be happier, everytime he posts on twitter he seems happier, I don't know. I just want him to like me. I want to talk to him. I am scared I have to stop talking to him completely, because in the past I have never gotten over someone unless someone else comes in and takes their place so it isn't like we can take a break and then I come back and everything's good. It would likely take a long time, and it's only been like 4 months since we started talking 😭 (I am so cooked). I don't know why I am like this. I wish I could be normal about him/other people. I don't know if I am just in an OCD spiral or not, but I just want it to be over. Sorry for the rambling, but if anyone has any advice I will consider it.

Doopydoowa

Date posted: 10w

Please help-relationship advice

Hey everyone. I hope you all are doing okay. I’m currently struggling in the worse way I have through the course of my relationship. We are doing long distance right now, and I am unfortunately in the worse place I have been in. The uncertainty is absolutely unbearable. He is doing a cool new, consuming job 7 hours a way. He loves it, but I fear him loving the job so much that he stops caring about me. I have definitely noticed a shift in the amount of time he texts me and the energy he can give to the relationship. The job actually started off with 2 weeks of no phone. He has it again now though. We saw each other a couple of days ago in person for the last time we would in about two months. I was okayish when we were in person though I knew I would spiral later. And spiral I did. He left and I broke down. I am worried I will lose him. I start a really intensive EMT program in a week. It will be all-consuming for me. I can’t sleep very much and I don’t feel like eating. I know it’s pathetic. I am constantly consumed by these fears. I think I know what I need to do to combat them. Accept uncertainty but it feels like the possibly of it ending feels more real than ever. And I literally can NOT stop thinking about it. My brain feels in danger!!! I just worry that bad stuff is actually happening. I think we are going through a rough patch, but I also just feel more alone than ever. Drowning in my mind. What do I believe? I have a past of ocd, so it wouldn’t be surprised if it’s getting intertwined. Most people would say: it’s okay to ask him for reassurance about the relationship!!! But I feel like that’s the trap for me. I don’t know how to move forward. I know things are tough for us right now. But I’ve been floating back and forth on a spectrum of well maybe I just have trust to maybe this literally won’t work out!!! Texting and communicating over text is really hard for me. I am constantly analyzing it: how much energy is he giving? How much energy am I giving? Well I don’t want to do all the emotional labor, and be the main texter. But I also don’t care about texting that much and get exhausted with this back and forth.

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I hate my brain

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