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Username: MALEX89

Date posted: 35w ago

POCD and Porn addiction

I have been addicted to porn for many years and as a consequence of this I have become increasingly desensitised and have looked into sites that are slightly off the beaten track (all of a google search just to clarify, I haven’t been searching the dark web or anything). I do however have two recurring fears; the first is that I may have watched or downloaded cp without realising it and the second is that I may end up doing that in the future. Does anyone else with POCD or a porn addiction experience this?

POCD

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 35w ago

Hey I have a fear of the internet and if I access cp too! I don’t want to watch this all all and I want to be sure Google will keep me safe from this kind of thing but I have intrusive thoughts that I will type this word in the search bar it’s so scary and makes me so scared of even using the Internet

Username: MALEX89MALEX89

Date posted: 35w ago

@Anonymous Yeah I get that. For a while during the lockdown period I actually used the parental control on my phone to block google for fear that I might be tempted to type it into the search. I’ve started using Google again now but still the fear remains that I may go too far

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 35w ago

@MALEX89 How did you get over the fear of typing in it? I am still very much in this fear it haunts me all day everyday

Username: MALEX89MALEX89

Date posted: 35w ago

@Anonymous To be honest I’m not sure how I got over it. During that same period I even refused to take the bus or the train or walk anywhere for fear of coming across a kid on my travels, I took Ubers absolutely everywhere even if it was miles away. The turning for me on that was playing a gig with my band and catching up with all of my musician friends again, I guess it just reassured me that “hey all these people like and trust me, I guess I can’t be that bad of a guy” that said the fear still resides that maybe they don’t know the real me

Username: MALEX89MALEX89

Date posted: 35w ago

@MALEX89 *turning point

Username: erm12345erm12345

Date posted: 35w ago

Yes absolutely yes. I’ve been terrified that I accidentally watched something bad on twitter in the past and then that also bc of all my searches on google trying to figure out what to do if u accidentally watch something will incriminate me. I’ve even gone as far as googling how to erase my hard drive just in case I accidentally saw something and didn’t know, but now even the fact that I googled THAT makes me scared. It’s honestly comical, especially since I’ve already asked two lawyers for advice. I’m still struggling w the “what if” thoughts today. You’re not alone

Username: BigGyro09BigGyro09

Date posted: 35w ago

Yes. I have this problem and I've had this fear for a long time. When I was much younger I've seen a lot of traumatizing things that I still unfortunately remember and I'm still trying to move past that with grace. I don't know when this won't be a problem for me anymore but you're not alone on this

Username: whathashappenedtomewhathashappe...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 35w ago

Hey, I totally understand how you feel. I’ve seen a lot of porn on Twitter recently, and I don’t want to go down that slippery slope, because it’s just not good for you and not the lifestyle I want to live. Plus, any time I see that stuff, I freak out and “what if that person is under 18”, even though it’s on Twitter, which would basically be impossible. With that being said, I definitely can’t browse the internet for porn, even if I wanted to, because I would absolutely panic and create a false memory of having seen something illegal. My best advice would be to break the addiction, as hard as that might be, but it is possible. Some might say that it’s avoidance, but let’s be real, porn is not good for your brain. I still get those same exact obsessions, and I’m not even browsing the internet for porn.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 35w ago

It’s horrible I’d like to think Google would keep us so safe that even if we type that word in we won’t find any

Related posts

Username: ELO

Date posted: 5y ago

POCD TRIGGER Years ago I once read someone’s post on another website who had looked up child pornography because their intrusive thoughts were getting them so much that they just figured that they were that way inclined. And they said that they pleasured themselves to this and then felt horrible and sick and guilty. I felt sorry for this person as they were clearly suffering from OCD and were not a pedophile. For some reason, this has entered my head today as I already have the fear of police scanning what I write on here and coming for me with them getting the wrong idea of me. Then I think the police would of definitely have went for that person as seeing that on their search list on their computer ID etc. Then came the fear of ‘what if I have done that and searched for that’. But that’s something you would know if you had done I’m telling myself.

POCD

Username: BigGyro09

Date posted: 39w ago

POCD with relapse 18+

So everytime I have a relapse and look for adult content I only strictly look for adults that are involved. Usually fictional ones because that way no harm is possibly done to real people but sometimes I don't get triggered by real adult models as long as I'm aware of their age. Unfortunately, I still come across really disturbing things whether I click on channels to find more content of the same person or other adults and it'll have disturbing content with people I think are underaged. Sometimes it's content of characters that I know are minors but people age them up and that disturbs me the most. I don't get why people do this and I find it disgusting. I never click on these videos because they're disturbing to me and I only go for adults that are simply adults. I hate that this stuff shows up and it triggers my POCD and then I think something bad is gonna happen because I scrolled past those videos even though I didn't want to see them in the first place. I've been trying to stop watching all of this stuff for years and I'm still struggling with it. Content with younger people is the absolute last thing I'd ever want to see and I hate that people make stuff like that and it just stays on websites somehow

Username: savvyp

Date posted: 22w ago

POCD (TRIGGER PORN)

It’s 4am and I’m really freaking myself out. So full disclosure…I used to watch Porn and this triggered SO OCD initially. I feel like it’s NOW jumped into POCD. In the past I used to click on vids of women performing sexual acts. (Hence the SO OCD) But now I’m freaking out that I actually finished and enjoyed myself to the vids that maybe said Teen in the title or what not. At the time I didn’t believe that those girls were actually underage because why would that be legal and distributed on Porn hub? Maybe these girls are trying to click bait a weird thing? I assumed Teen meant 18. Now I look back on it and feel gross and that I’m a predator. I would never condone anything like that in real life. I keep questioning myself like “Why the hell did I do that?” “why didn’t I click off the video?” If that person was actually 17 or younger I would freaking lose it. How could I live with myself? How could I ever be a good person?

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