Really scared pls help

I had the thought of checking how I reacted to my obsession/fear. I didn’t even want to put that thought/image in my mind but it felt like it was really close to coming into my mind. I felt afraid- I didn’t want to know how I’d react to that image if I put it in my head on purpose. I had this morbid curiosity, that I just had to know but I couldn’t- I feel panicky, scared and I am genitals monitoring so badly rn that I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. Im shivering and crying, I doubt this even- I doubt this is my “real” reaction that I’m hamming it up just for myself to “pretend” I’m upset when ocd says I am not and I “want” this. This feels so real right now, I feel like if I let these thoughts in that a switch will go off and I’ll become a p. If I am one I will be completely and utterly destroyed and I’ll have to unalive myself immediately and as quickly as possible cause I can’t CANT live like this. No no no. I’ve got a family, I’ve got a life- I’m so afraid all of it will go away.

SirSalt

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

The fact that you are even posting this and are here is saying that you are most likely not, bad people see no problem with their thoughts and feel no fear from them. When i am feeling very afraid or anxious i remember to unmask the monster and show that its just ocd once again. then I say to myself in my head “why yes brain, that would indeed be a sad, disgusting, horrible thing if it were to happen, thankyou for reminding me thats bad and horrible and looking out for false threats but i got the steering Wheel right now, thankyou” dont fight the thought, just allow it to pass, thats not the same as agreeing with it, but see it as just a thought and nothing more, not a reflection of your true self

Anonymous813

Date posted: 1y

What if the thoughts and images are there but sometimes the panic doesn’t kick in? Right now I feel anxious but there are times when these thoughts come without anxiety and then i worry why there’s no anxiety. I feel and fear that I’ll become numb to these.

SirSalt

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous813 Thats ocd clinging on for dear life, its kinda strange to not constantly feel anxious once you start having breakthroughs but you learn to just soak up every single moment you can where theres no anxiety. The fear will always be there, there will always be anxiety to SOME degree, but you need to allow it just to pass and go through the therapy

SirSalt

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous813 Sometimes my OCD will kick in about having OCD as silly as that sounds, its just that part of your brain that thinks it’s helping you by making you constantly terrified of a actually nonexistent problem and it does whatever it can to stick around, even putting on a glasses and fake nose with mustache disguise 🥸

Anonymous813

Date posted: 1y

@SirSalt - I used to cry so much on these thoughts that I can’t cry as much now. I can’t push the intrusive images out of my mind. i don’t wanna become used to these thoughts. sometimes I don’t react to these images no matter how disgusting they are. I feel like crying but I can’t especially if mine is related to pocd.

SirSalt

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous813 The first step is accepting that you are not always in control of your thoughts and that your thoughts are not a reflection of you or some kind of hidden truth or even hold and power or value. Stop giving the thought value, and accept it to let it pass, accepting the idea of letting the thought pass is NOT the same agreeing the thought or liking it or identifying with it. Ive had pocd too and i know how disgusting and gut wrenching it can be.

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 22w

panicking so bad

I want to rip out my uterus. Only my hormones can make my OCD and ability to manage it go back to square one. I am spiraling *so* hard. I cannot breathe. My PMDD is going crazy. I’m having a panic attack again. I feel so scared. The POCD is going absolutely insane right now. It feels undeniably real, and my mind keeps drifting to those awful thoughts and what feels like exploring them?? but I can’t for the life of me stop some of these compulsions right now. I was trying to watch something to get my mind off of this but ended up getting triggered twice, so my anxiety is a 10 and I can’t seem to calm down. This panic attack is tuned all the way up.

issphra 🫶🏻

Date posted: 19w

I’m freaking out please help

I don’t know if my hormones are extra wild this month or what, but I have been having so many POCD thoughts lately. It feels like I enjoy them in the moment, and then a few seconds later, I get this tiny flicker of *wait I don’t think I actually want to enjoy that.* It’s scaring me a lot. I was watching adult videos for the first time in about a year, since I had been avoiding them because of my OCD. I know they are not good for anyone, but I felt like i could (ironically it felt like a tiny win that my OCD had calmed down enough). But while watching, I had like 3 separate POCD thoughts. And it felt like I liked them. Like genuinely *liked* them. I don’t know if maybe my body was mixing up physical pleasure and mental pleasure, and then my brain inserted those not okay thoughts into the situation, which got tangled up with the pleasure responses I felt mentally and physically. It is all really confusing. I just feel so scared. I know OCD thoughts are supposed to feel real, and that once you get desensitized to the anxiety, they lose their power. But this feels like I am *actually enjoying* the thoughts, and that makes me want to cry. I’m scared that I actually like these thoughts when I’m really aroused :( Please help.

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Really scared pls help

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