Does this sound like ocd ?

So here it goes. These last few weeks have been hell and unlike me and I’m truly starting to question myself on everything. 4 weeks ago I went on a vacation to visit family. 2 days into my trip I was settling down and getting ready to go to bed. I was doing my usual (Watching YouTube) which happened to be crime network which is something I’ve always watched with my boyfriend and never had issues with. Out of nowhere I get an extremely disturbing thought about hurting my family members I was with. This thought absolutely terrified me and made me extremely uneasy. I started acting really weird and went into the bathroom and go in the bathtub to ease my anxiety. That worked and I pushed the thought away taking it as a weird occurrence. The best day started ok. Me and those family members went out for lunch and for some fun activities. I remembered what happened the night prior and thought it was extremely weird. The next thing I know I was bombarded with that thought again. I got the same sense of dread I did and this ended up ruining the rest of the day and that entire vacation. I didn’t know what to think of all this and thought that this means I’m a horrible person and actually wanna do this stuff even though it’s stuff I would never do or desire to do. I got back from my trip and automatically went looking for professional help. As time went on I began to look back on my childhood actions and behaviors. I want to clarify that I was diagnosed adhd. I had anger issues and had a conduct disorder. I was particularly cruel to pets as a child (I absolutely regret all of this). As I have gotten older I have been able to control emotions and have strived to be a good person. I don’t like seeing anyone hurt or in pain. I am even going into nursing school this fall because I love helping others in need. Anyway I really started to analyze all of my actions and ended up convincing myself I’m a psychopath. The only way I am getting relief is by googling everything which only helps temporarily then I have to do it all over again. I first saw dr who didn’t really give me a diagnosis but prescribed me Prozac for my symptoms. I refused to take it after seeing one of the side effects was irritability. I have a fear of taking anything that could do that because I’m afraid of snapping and hurting someone or going crazy. I have also been avoiding alcohol out of a fear that I am going to lose control and hurt someone. A few days later I ended up seeing a psychotherapist and she told me that I am not a psychopath. She diagnosed me with schizotypal personality disorder with ocd tendencies. This diagnosis is what’s been throwing me for a loop these past few days. Because I am in constant doubt I have been googling and reading every article I can find just to prove to myself that I am not a bad person. Somehow I came upon an article that described the batman shooter in Colorado had been diagnosed with schizotypal disorder and that was the reason he did what he did. This is scaring me so bad because I am afraid I am like him even though I do not wanna do anything to hurt anyone. It scared me so bad that I had a literal panic attack because of finding this out. I’m an still very scared and have been looking for constant reassurance that I’m not like this guy. My life is literally taken up by this fear. If I’m not sleeping I’m reading and worrying. I can barley eat and my stomach is in a constant knot. I’ve been checking all of my emotions and this is causing me to feel so numb to everything. I can’t enjoy anything anymore. I cannot laugh or barley smile anymore because I am so scared and don’t feel like I deserve to because of my thoughts/diagnosis. My only reactions to my thoughts are now just a jolt of adrenaline and an automatic urge to go to google for reassurance. Does this sound like ocd or is this something more serious?

Brooke cookie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Hi , as someone who’s had pure OCD since high school. That’s exactly how OCD feels like it makes you feel like you’re going to turn into a psychopath at any second you’re not it’s an intense fear disorder. I know it feels real but it’s not ,you’re not gonna hurt anyone you have these thoughts and they disturb you That’s a sign that is your OCD and not you. I know you want to fight these thoughts as intensely as you can I get it it feels real but that’s not what you want to do. You Need to realize that they’re just thoughts and you don’t need to feel shame for them and to let them go and do what it is you wanted to do. My depression is gotten really bad and it has caused my pure OCD to make me feel like I’m gonna hurt myself I’m not but it feels really real. I’ve had struggled with it for the last three weeks. I’ve been able to eat or sleep. I’m starting to get better. I got back on my meds. I was a shame that was needed to take them so I thought I would get off of them. please don’t feel shame for your bad thoughts that would just make you have huge depression. You can’t help the fact you have these OCD thoughts and they are just thoughts you didn’t do anything to anybody. Stay strong men

OCDFamily

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Your description matches harm ocd. Erp can help you!

samlovesjesus

Date posted: 22w

how do i know if i have OCD?

so this all started not too long ago, for literally no reason at all. but one day i got a random intrusive thought about harming others and it freaked me out bad. since then i’ve been non stop focusing on it and im genuinely scared that i am, or gonna end up like those sick people that have documentaries about them. i’ve never had these types of thoughts before and after me and my mom looked a lot of stuff up we think i have OCD cuz a lot of the stuff it was saying was accurate to me. to anyone in here, does this sound like OCD to you? i’ve always been a nice loving person and these thoughts freak me out so bad and make me feel like i’m a bad gross person. it got to the point i don’t even like looking at myself anymore. i just wanna go back to normal man. another thing to add, when i would explain this to my mom even though i was telling the full truth on how crappy this made me feel it felt like i was lying almost? but i know i wasn’t deep down. i’m just scared that what if i act on something or get in my head too much you know?

Aphid123

Date posted: 22w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

Imsexybutimi...

Date posted: 11w

Do I have ocd

Hey, so idk if I have ocd, I would like to think I’m a very self aware person but I don’t wanna self diagnose at all, lmk what you guys think. So pretty much my whole life since I was young I remember having irrational fears im sure it was all trauma induced but when I was a kid I thought my father was poisoning me until I asked him, he started crying and was so shocked that I could ever even think that, my parents broke up when I was legit fresh out the womb, mom worked two jobs and disciplined me, dad let me do whatever on the weekends and got me snacks so I was obsessed with him so obsessed that it was mandatory for me to kiss his picture 20x everyday before school. Growing up I always felt followed by cameras or like someone out there was recording me waiting for me to do something embarrassing to expose me in front of the whole world and my life was over 🤣🤣 I thought my abusive ex bf was stalking me through my I phone camera after we broke up and it would truly stress me out, it made me believe that it was the reason he never reached out again bc I probably looked ugly in the camera he was stalking me through. If I fall out with a friend Ill over analyze everything to see if I did anything wrong and god forbid while I’m self reflecting I realize I did something wrong I feel like an evil person, verbatim the people I fall out with is bc they’ve done me wrong in some way and it has to b something hurtful or repeated mistakes for me to really stay away for good, so I’ll beat myself up for making mistakes with another person who’s made the same amount of mistakes if not more and in most cases I always fall short, and this when I question if it’s ocd or I’m just to self aware and see the ugly in me bc I’m not perfect and it’s just makes me feel so unsettled but again that’s a normal feeling and the next step is to forgive yourself and do better moving forward, not obsess over it like your trying to convince yourself you’re a good person. I’m also hot tempered and will say hurtful things when I’m mad I’m definitely a crash out in the way, you push my bottoms way too many times and I will shred you, and I’ll say things ik will hurt you and that’s just so low, then the anger goes away and I have to face the guilt, which makes my “ocd” 100x worse, it almost feels like I have to do everything right to not trigger it yet again I don’t have the self control to do it all right, I actually have a lot bpd tendencies again not diagnosing but I’m just trying to understand my brain. I worry about dying, getting a terminal illness. uti turning into kidney infection then into cancer kind of thing, knowing that life in general can b tragic is so scary to me, like what will be my story? What will be my life experience?. I believe that people see right through me and discuss it amongst each other, I always tell myself I am not that important but I can’t seem to shake it off sometimes. When I would break up with my ex I would have pre written paragraphs ready to b send if he ever decided to reach back and I would do this to make sure I didn’t forget a single thought, that every point i felt I need to prove was there, and that bothers me bc do I want win an argument or fix the issue. All of these feelings make me feel so pathetic and embarrassed people move on with their lives and I’m still stuck on something that happened 3 yrs ago. Then I’ll get manic get a tattoo, change my hair, go out clubbing do what I can to b the sexy young girl that I am and it helps in the moment but it worsens my mental after the euphoria is gone. I’m currently staying home, not going out, have only 1 friend so I feel like ocd progressively got worse now, I don’t remember it getting this bad in a while. lmk what you guys think don’t judge or think I’m embarrassing I’m actually so cool and if have to convince you I’m cool I will LMFAOO no but fr help

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Does this sound like ocd ?

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community