Why do I keep doing stuff to upset myself?

@Cinnamoroll What do you do to stop???

@Cinnamoroll I’d love to get to know how you control your urges or if you’d ever wanna talk lol I haven’t came across anyone with the same exact issue as me

@Kndymomma I’d be happy to talk to you about it! I actually have stopped obsessing over it—I still check on occasion but I no longer have the irresistible urge!

@Cinnamoroll How can I contact you directly ?

@Kndymomma Do you have Discord?

@Cinnamoroll No I don’t use social media!

@Cinnamoroll Another thing that makes me severely anxious and uncomfortable is social media lol

@Cinnamoroll If your cool with it I could give you my number or I have WhatsApp

@Kndymomma That’s alright, I’m okay talking on here! What were ur questions?

@Cinnamoroll How did you stop looking things up? Like what methods did you use ??

@Kndymomma Well one thing I did was I never restricted myself necessarily. I didn’t stop myself from checking. Checking can be viewed as a compulsion but in this case, I think looking at ex girlfriend’s posts can also act as a sort of exposure. Eventually my anxiety as I viewed their posts would decrease over time, and with that so too did my desire to check. Another important thing to note is I had a bit of a mindset change (this may serve as reassurance but retroactive jealousy can ALSO be caused by insecurities/trauma, not just OCD. So this advice will hopefully help!) Instead of comparing myself to them, I reminded myself that my partner is with ME. No one else. Yeah all those girls are pretty, clearly fun, and my bf clearly loved them (I see it in the comments under photos from back when he dated them lol). But, as my bf once told me, “imagine just how amazing and beautiful you must be that I chose YOU.” My bf tells me he remembers them, of course, and perhaps even fondly—-but meeting me was when he truly experienced love, and that nothing compares. I may not be his first, but I sure dang well can be his last. When my partner and I first started talking (not even dating yet!), he would bring up his past girls because it was his only context for relationships. He didn’t know anything else, and he clearly wanted me to know everything about him right upfront. He was shockingly vulnerable with me. My retroactive jealously started then, but now I am building new memories with him, and I realize I am not simply “another girl” but rather a whole new journey in his life. He now rarely brings up his past. I’ve tried to bring it up myself (my OCD made me bait him lol😅), but he’s clearly closed those chapters in his life and, while still holding fondness for the past, he wants to focus on his present and future WITH ME. And I feel the same way. 🤷‍♀️ Sure somedays I break and I get hit with a wave of OCD, but I’m improving everyday. I also am comfortable with the fact that my partner doesn’t maintain large contact with his past partners. He barley uses his private social media now. Maybe they say hi every now and then, but if that happens, he tells me about it. Communication is so, so important. Don’t leave behind gaps in a relationship where there can develop the illusion of things. We tell each other enough about things that trust is maintained even when we are unable to communicate. Wishing you the best. Lmk if there’s anything else I can help with! ❤️

@Cinnamoroll Omg everything you wrote is legitimately me except I haven’t hit the point of being as mature as you lol

@Cinnamoroll As we speak I’m having urges to look but I’m trying to resist

@Susan G I definitely do but I don’t know how to overcome any of this

@Kndymomma I have had these problems myself. I got into 12 Step Recovery about 15 years ago and learned all kinds of things about myself and my family relationships. Everything is based on those childhood family relationships that we learned and formed for ourselves. And then we just keep repeating the only thing we know. I figured out that I learned new ways to act and new ways to think for other people. So, I found ways to have better relationships with the same people by changing my thinking about myself and about how I treat other people. It is a Spiritual way of thinking and living. Not Religion! Going within yourself to find a Higher Power that is yours and can solve all your problems. Alanon is a good place to start. Or, Co-dependents Anonymous. The best thing is that they give you some guidance and direction and experience of their own to help you. These are Fellowships of people who help each other learn to deal with life problems and learn to live happy lives. If you’re interested in this, more info is online about all of them. Alanon is a good place to contact because they can direct you to other programs also. You are on the right track by learning a new experience!

@Susan G I am trying to say that I learned a lot of new ways from other people who are not in my family.

@Susan G Thank you very much for your wise words but how do I start??

@Kndymomma Hello! How to start with Alanon? Search: Alanon.org , I think. Or, just search Alanon. It should come up with something and ask you for your State and City. There is a general service office you can call, also. Start with Alanon Family Groups search. You’ll find it and go from there. A lot of loving and helpful people are there 💖