NO SLEEP DUE TO OCD

I too have battled with intrusive thoughts. Not only did they disrupt my day but they were for front in my mind at night. I felt that if I could just figure out a solution to whatever was nagging at me everything would be ok and that I would sleep peacefully. But unfortunately "figuring out " a solution never happened. My magical thinking had me convinced that if I could find solutions even to things from the past I could rewrite the results. Thinking on this constantly day or night had me exhausted both mentally and physically. I spent years in therapy for anxiety, depression and panic attacks to no avail. Then 3 year ago my "safe "world came crashing down with the death of my husband. OCD went crazy. It had a field day with my mind and body. I had always felt that the world wasn't safe and suddenly I was in the battle of my life. I started constantly swallowing to the point I had open sores in my mouth. My compulsion to having things be "just so" increased. I was desperate for relief from the mental and physical torment. I felt trapped, panicky and exhausted and I believed that I was either going to find a way out of the nightmare or I would lose my mind or die. This all came to a head during the pandemic when I was isolated and grieving. I started searching for help. The therapy in my past had never helped. NOCD was the answer. I was terrified. I was desperate. And I was willing to do whatever it took to get a grasp on my life and start living. When I was told that I would have to face my fears I felt dread. But I decided that as bad as the experience might be, It was worth doing. I knew I could not and would not continue interacting with the world or with myself in the same way. It was intense ,hard ,scary work but it was what I needed to do. I had bought a house and had just moved in when my fear of going outside and having to interact with my neighbors grew worse than it had ever been. I would try to watch for when no one was out and then go outdoors. So one of the first fears I faced was going out when my neighbors were out and speaking to them. I decided if I was going to submit to this agony I might as well go all in. So I would watch for someone to be outside and I would put on my sunglasses and head straight to them. I would boldly introduce myself. And guess what happened. I didn't die. I didn't fall apart . And I walked away each time a little stronger and more confidant than the time before. My intrusive thoughts demanded attention most at bedtime. There was nothing to distract me from addressing them and "solving" them. So bedtime became a battlefield. I could not shut my mind down. The more exhausted I became, the more fear set in. Fear of going to bed. Fear of how would I deal with life and situations the next day. Rehearsing conversations that I imagined would be happening. Trying to solve conversations I had that day so they would be "right". So I wrote out a plan of how I would address bedtime and the barrage of thoughts. It was very difficult , but slowly I began to have good nights where I rested better. Yes, I would wake up many time during the night, but gradually I was able to recognize the intrusive thoughts as just that, thoughts. Those thoughts were not anymore important or valid than other thoughts. I had been giving them the importance they didn't deserve. It was a slow road but it was worth travelling down. I learned that OCD loves to hold power over you. It uses fear as it's tool. Fear breeds fear. And the way you take away its power is by looking it squarely in the eye and defeating it. Fear breeds fear and success breeds success. I will take those odds anytime. I did my homework daily. I listened to the discussions NOCD had in the evening. I always considered myself to be an intelligent person and I had the hardest time understanding how my mind worked . I was amazed to learn that lots of people don't think the way I do. That my brain works differently than some. It took what I had understood about the world and turned it upside down. Over time ,bit by bit I began to grasp ERP. As I faced each fear I grew stronger and they grew weaker until I began to feel more confident. I began to be hopeful about my future. That I had a future! Now I march out my front door and greet whoever I see. Now I go to bed knowing that if i don't sleep well it is ok. It isn't permanent and I can enjoy my day tired or not. Each time I look at intrusive thoughts as nothing more than passing thoughts I gain perspective and strength. everyday isn't perfect. Yes. I still have hard times, but they don't rule my life. They are interruptions that I can handle and move on from. You can have the life you long for. You can feel strong and be strong. Allow ERP and NOCD to to teach you how to succeed. WE spend years in school learning information and skills. This is your opportunity to learn the skills you need to be free. Free from fear and disappointment. I tell you this as a 76 year old woman who finally has the tools needed to live life on my terms, not ruled by OCD. It was a long time coming, but oh so worth it.

I am also struggling with this. I found that having a really long and relaxing down-time routine before trying to sleep helps. I set aside about an hour to really get my mind to calm down. Sometimes I will turn on a nature documentary or something chill to give myself something to listen to.

Oh that is difficult! What else have you tried to fight ocd?

I don't know what else to do.

This is me right now, i was able to sleep fine before but ocd just Amped up again and I’m back to being up all night worrying

Literally me right now..having severe insomnia because of ocd I hope you get better🫶🏻