Freshly married (ROCD)

Okay, so, friends I need some support, or erp direction. I keep looking for reassurance and I keep inwardly catastrophically thinking. ocd picks one thing, then latches onto another thing, and man I’m annoyed with it. So as you guys know me and my husband recently eloped this weekend due to him enlisting in the navy. We still plan to have a large wedding at some point once we know about his deployment schedule etc. I’m currently obsessing over my husbands bachelor night. I didn’t plan anything because we talked about how we were just gonna do our own thing with our friends for our big wedding in a year and a half. But his bestfriend took him fishing all day and then ended up telling him he wanted to take him out for his bachelor party and do what my husband did for him when he got married (go to a strip club). - ( i didn’t care when he went this time because it wasn’t my husband getting any dances from strippers. ) So ofcourse he talked to me about it first, he wouldn’t have gone if I said no absolutely not, and I said it was fine. I didn’t want to start off our marriage being the wife that doesn’t let him go to his own bachelor party because of my own insecurities. BOYYYYY I WISH I JUST TOLD HIM NO. I’m currently obsessing over every little detail. It’s all I can think about. The minute I think I’m passed it I get pangs of thoughts again and again. He told me what happened so I know all of the details, but mannnn. So I looked up the place while they were on the way there, and I found the clubs Instagram and got VISUALS. (Mind you I’ve never been to a strip club so my brain is running wild. I’m 26 and I’ve never been to a club or an EDM show or a rave or anything) When I seen all of that all I could do was cry, and I didn’t want to ruin his night so I just stopped texting him when he was going, maybe if I went out and did something I’d be better ? Idk. Hes the sweetest guy, and he is HUMAN. He is a man and bachelor parties are just things that people do when they get married, I know. AND I TOLD HIM IT WAS OKAY. But I’m still obsessing over it. All he did was have a few drinks, got a dance from some stripper and he said it wasn’t even that great, the place was lame and they left pretty quickly. I believe him and I trust him, I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t believe him or didn’t trust him. I know without a shadow of a doubt he would NEVER purposely hurt me. This is the one person I believe would never hurt me. Idk why I can’t stop obsessing. Maybe because I have rocd. I’ve put him in like this bubble of perfection where I forget he is human. My current fear is that I’ll never be able to get over this and we’ll grow to resent each other. It wasn’t even a huge deal but I can’t stop bringing it up and asking him about it or giving him crap (jokingly) about it. I wanna stop thinking about it. I don’t wanna obsess over it anymore. Now I know yeah I can’t stand the thought of it, going forward he won’t do it ever again. But AHHHH. I’m so afraid about what this will do to our marriage. I love him so much and I don’t want to lose him or push him away. I’m like spiraling over a stupid bachelor party. I think I need to do some ERP.

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 1y

I love the gif up there!! You are okay!! You are human too. And you have to let go and forgive yourself that you let him go. It’s not the end of the world that he went. You can all recover. It will be okay. Yes!!! It’s time for ERP!!! I think the main thing that is bothering you is the idea that you you guys will NEVER get over it, and it will RUIN THE MARRIAGE. I think this is the main OCD thought. I SO understand that. I am currently dealing with an OCD thought that I ruined my marriage because I was really honest about some things with my husband many months ago. It’s an OCD thought that because I had a simple conversation with my husband (that he forgot about), that I RUINED my marriage. But the thoughts chase me every time I am with my husband. I need to do ERP on them too. I think the first step is it IDENTIFY the OCD thought. We both (and every one else with OCD) have this catastrophic way of thinking that a single mistake is going to ruin our future. It’s just not true. It’s just OCD. You are okay. Your marriage is okay. Take a deep breath, and practice ERP. You might still feel terrible inside. When we practice ERP, the thoughts and feelings don’t necessarily go away. But even if you feel bad inside, the ERP means that you won’t be bringing OCD into your actions and choices and how you relate to your husband. This phase will pass. The OCD is a bully. It wants to make you miserable. Right now it is putting all its effort into trying to make you worry about your marriage. But you married a good man! Everything is okay. Enjoy your marriage!

Dj-is-living

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Tea and Honey Ugh, this was so perfectly worded. Thank you SO much. Exactly the reminder I needed. It IS ocd and that is 100% the sticky ocd thought that’s scaring me. Thank you for your encouragement and support, truly! This is another reason I love this app and this like minded community.

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 1y

@Dj-is-living You got this!!! 😀😀💙😀I so understand how you feel!!

kellmichell

Date posted: 1y

That is so incredibly hard! And I’m sorry you are going through it. I hate the what ifs and ruminating that come with OCD. I myself have an incredibly hard time voicing how I really feel in situations big and small. It sounds to me like you might relate to that as you didn’t voice your true feelings with him! It might be worth pondering why you didn’t feel like you felt like you could/ should voice to him how you really felt. It sounds like you married a good man and he loves you a lot. I wish you the best!

Dj-is-living

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@kellmichell I didn’t know or predict how it would affect me before it happened. I let him go because I really trust him. I think I’m jusy super insecure and over protective which I can admit. He’s being so sweet about it thank god.

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