Ocd / pocd

Normally I’m not in therapy. but i tried dressing my little cousin like weeks ago and then broke down when i finished dressing her up. I don’t know why I just did. also a week ago, i was between my lil cousins, i stayed away from them unless one to play with me and it made me wanna cry. i tried interacting with them and now idk if it’s false memory or not but sometimes i keep replaying memories of that day. I remember wanting to go home so badly that day. & i have 3 upcoming family dinner next week. My anxiety’s spiking.

@Anonymous813 Look at you! You’re trying! I understand how hard this may seem to you, but you got this. You can’t let those thoughts get the best of you. If you get an intrusive thought don’t read into it. You’re literally fighting back with your ocd. It shows how hard you’re trying. When your cousin says they want to play. Play with them. You might get anxiety & intrusive thoughts while playing, but just keep playing. And once you’re done you’ll realize that wasn’t bad. You might get a thought after wards trying to analyze every single thing you did while playing or wondering if what you did was bad. But, you just have to say “Idk maybe”. And continue doing something else. Don’t fight with it, just let it be there. You have to treat thoughts like they’re clouds. Let them pass through. Also, false memories can be hard to get over because you’re wanting to know if it is real or not. You have to just say “Maybe it is real or maybe it is not. This is not for me to figure out”. And live in uncertainty with it. Because trying to find an answer only makes things worse.

@Muffin34 - Thank you! and you know sometimes I get into a brain fog bc these thoughts might be running in my head and then I get a trance like state. Like I’ll stare into nothing while these thoughts run in the background and then I’ll come back to reality. it makes me anxious. Right now I feel like throwing up. couple of hours before i spiraled bc a comment on tiktok about pocd triggered me. It’s still in my head. I think I cried too much up to the point where I sometimes can’t cry. my mind throws soo much thoughts and images at me and then it quiets down for a while. & that makes me anxious too y’know. When the thoughts and images come but the anxiety doesn’t? I wanna go back to how I was before Ocd took a hold on me. These images are absolutely horrendous. I don’t know how to get them out. It’s taking a toll on both my mental & physical health. I wanna ask for help, like I wanna start therapy but I dunno how to.

@Anonymous813 I was in your same spot years ago. You’re not alone. I think my main issue besides the fear of being one was worrying how other thought of pocd and what they would think of me. How I got over that is accepting that people will have a difference of opinion on it. Just like any other topic. Some people will think it’s fake and that you’re a bad person. While others think it’s real. At the end of the day they’re not health professionals and it’s just opinions. Why do I have to fight to make them like me and not be seen as a “bad person”? You don’t know what they got going on or what they’ve done in their lives their dam selves. Plenty of people are struggling with the same thing as you, but don’t speak up about it because of its taboo nature. And people’s lack of understanding of ocd. It’s best not to research or google your thoughts to calm your anxiety down because it will back fire on you. There will be post and comments that will trigger you. And you will continually keep researching. It’s a never ending cycle. I also struggled with confessing and wanting that validation that i’m not a bad person. But it will only ruin relationships and you’ll think back on it like “why did I even confess that?” lol. Not everyone needs to know your business. And sometimes their responses will trigger you even if they mean well, simply because they don’t understand it. Once you get over that hurdle of accepting uncertainty, anytime it tries to come back you won’t even flinch at it. You’ll be like meh ok. I understand it might be hard to ask, but if it gets too bad where you need that extra help you should get a nocd therapist. I would not just choose any therapist online because ocd is its own beast. Not every therapist knows how to work with it and combat it. For right now I would listen to music, take a walk, watch tv, eat your favorite snack, catch up on an assignment, just something to help that anxiety. I know that throw up feeling. I promise it will go away.

@Muffin34 I read that pedos wanna put themselves in those situations and that makes my ocd spiral again telling me that I wanna be in those positions for the wrong reasons