struggling with ROCD

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years and now we’re talking about getting married. Except now my ocd is telling me that our differences in religion makes us not compatible. This hasn’t bothered me the entire time we’ve been dating and I’m so upset that it’s causing me to have doubts when I just want to be excited about getting engaged. I know religion can be a big deal in relationships but I feel like my ocd is convincing me this is a deal breaker. Does anyone have any advice?

Samiellie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

Hi there! So sorry you’re going through this :( honestly, after reading your description of what’s going on and your current question, my first thought would be to question if this is truly your OCD or if it’s a valid, real concern (because for many it is). Is the concern about how you would raise children? How you’ll celebrate holidays? Then maybe it’s worth a conversation, it then only becomes a problem if you continuously (compulsively) as your partner again and again

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Samiellie Hi! I think because I know it’s a valid concern is why I can’t stop worrying about it. We’ve had several conversations about how we would raise our kids and what I would want in the marriage but it’s like I suddenly started worrying about it so much that I’ve had doubts about the relationship. To clarify, I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and have struggled with similar themes in the past. I’ve been asking him for reassurance and asking for reassurance from family too and it just feels terrible.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Samiellie I’ve also had these conversations with him in the past and not felt anxious so it really feels like an ocd spell

Samiellie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous I see I see..I didn’t doubt you had been diagnosed previously with OCD, I meant more like..personally I sometimes have trouble distinguishing a true concern vs my OCD brain trying to disturb my peace. It definitely seems like a flare up — why? Because you care about him and you care about your religious beliefs. It makes sense! I can understand the reassurance seeking, but any ERP therapist would say to not do it, or to delay the compulsion. It’s hard, especially when OCD tries to take something that’s supposed to be joyous and turns it into a stressful time. Best I could say is to determine the fear, identify why the thoughts are bothering you. Then as my therapist would say, lean into it. Allow yourself to be present with the thought, to think it through, acknowledge it and then chase it, don’t run away. Think of the worst case scenario. Say it’s a possibility and then move along. If you’ve had honest conversations in the past about these things, and you stayed with him, chances are that you were satisfied with that answer. If you weren’t you would have left probably.

Anonymous

Date posted: 1y

@Samiellie Thank you so much for the advice. Ocd is the worst but trying to hang in there.

Samiellie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 1y

@Anonymous Of course! I know it’s hard, I’ve been struggling for 16 years and it’s the worst possible thing. You’ve got this though, believe in your abilities. And you have the app! There’s a great SOS button here that has guided “meditations” or a self-guided option for you to work through and process your current obsession. Hold on for dear life and remember that you are capable of telling OCD “no,” and living the life you deserve

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 24w

Partners difference in views

I was good with my themes kinda, and then I felt the ocd switch so that was expected. But this one feels different, since my ocd I’ve been more accepting of gay people, I believe in God and that he created life and people as they are, and don’t believe that it’s necessarily wrong to be gay, but my boyfriend believes that being gay is a sin, he’s not discriminating or disrespectful to anyone. He has never let it impact the way it treats anyone like ever. This topic has only come up in conversation like twice in the 4 years we’ve been together and both times it was while I had soocd so it felt super sensitive to talk about. But now, I’m grasping more with seeing him as his own person again and not comfort for my ocd, so my ocd is clinging onto this one difference between us and it truly feels now like this is a dealbreaker, even though this has never impacted our relationship together at all. It wouldn’t impact the way we raise our kids or treat other people but just the fact that he thinks that makes me ocd think it’s enough that I’ll want to find someone else with the same view as me. I know deep down I don’t want to break up because when I’m not focused on this flaw, I feel happy and in tune with him. Does anyone have any advice ?:(

Ladybruh

Date posted: 24w

Help

I feel like my Rocd has become more sophisticated. It’s made me feel as if my healthy loving boyfriend is this terrible person. Or I’ll be thinking to myself like “I love him”, and in middle thought I get “no you don’t”. It’s convinced me that our values and beliefs are just TOO different (we’ve only disagreed on one thing in our relationship, but we talk it out). It’s like my ocd is clinging on to every reason why I should break up, like I don’t want this anymore, even tho I do! It’s frustrating. And the idea of doing erp terrifies me. Because I’m afraid if I do erp statements, that I’ll agree with them. Can someone give insight

cmax20

Date posted: 22w

Religious OCD and romantic relationships

I have grown up in a Christian community and kind of always been around people who believe Christianity or even catholic. In the past few years I’ve really dove deep into my faith and honestly felt good about myself sometimes but overall terrified and like I’m a horrible person if I do one thing wrong or make a wrong sin. I’m also not sure if I completely believe in all the traditional Christian practices anymore. But I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 months and everything is going great. We communicate and he’s so loving and respectful and I honestly don’t have any major issues In the relationship. I used to have a big fear of men starting when I was like 7 aboit my grandpa or my dad trying to rape me (even though they are good men and showed no real signs of it). But it ruined my relationship with them both for awhile til it eventually went away. I always told myself it was because the “spirit” of ocd was rebuked by Jesus but I honestly don’t know. Now I’m dealing with a more extosential or religious ocd where I’m terrified I’m a horrible person for being in a relationship and almost feel worse about myself if I get closer to God. I also feel like if I get too close to God then I have to choose between Him and my bf and I can’t have both. It’s driving me in San and I feel like if I tell anyone any of this they’ll tell me to just break up with my bf even though there isn’t anything wrong in our relationship. Idk what to do and it’s so draining

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