Ugh did SOCD ERP watching gay porn and actually got off! Initially it has thrown me through a spiral but without reassuring myself, I realize porn is porn. Slowing coming down from a bad spiral and would just love some words of encouragement, not reassurance.
Keep it up your putting yourself in tough situations and that’s ERP
Went through this yesterday. My depression and ocd was maxxing out, and i go to get off and i get hijacked and go on an hour long compulsive dig for worse and worse porn. I was trembling and wanting to cry the whole time. Its very brave of you for sharing. Ill try to manage the compassion youve shown for yourself.
Thanks. It’s been an extremely hard day. Just trying to get through these panic attacks and eventually fall asleep. It felt good to look at photos from the last 20-30 days to remind myself that before this spike, I was happy again.
In spite of the SOCD, Pocd and pure O that I was still going through but not like this..this is a spiral and not manageable.
If this was from an actual doctor, I’d find another one. If this was something you did yourself, while admirable that you are willing to go to such extreme lengths to confront your fear, I would refrain from doing it again. Exposure/response is supposed to be for normal day-to-day. Don’t go looking for or literally at trouble. Don’t question your sexuality, there’s an entire line of psychosis from bad sexual encounters, don’t go developing one yourself.
I wish I got this advice before I actually went through with it. All I can do now is just look/move forward and remind myself porn is porn, any sexual stimulation will cause this to happen. That and Im taking a break from porn for a while.
And what I got off to once doesn’t determine my sexual identity/preference
Honestly even if it does it more than once, as in my case. Most people dont experience it, but for people who watch a lot of porn and have a lot of 'post nut clarity' moments, OCD will use that against you to look for proof, and it feels extremely incriminating.
Yup that’s true. Didn’t mean to over generalize the “one time”
This started happening to me in 2022 and it's gotten okay but it's still bothering me a lot. I to do erp when I get the thoughts but it really just feels like confirmation. Here's the thing the idea ALONE that I could be anything other than straight even if it is as tiny as .001% makes me feel awful because I know that the idea of being with another woman is just not for me. But the thoughts and goinals keep coming and I'm at a loss. It's just know that being with my man feels right but these thoughts are starting to affect that. I just feel so lost.
I’ll list some key things with my main subtype, and I hope that I can get some erp advice, but it’s okay if not, I know nobody is my therapist..! 1. I have this thing where when I feel false attraction about a k!d, I will be immediately convinced and say “that means I am?” “I am attracted” “I feel attracted?” “He’s attractive” not to be weird but I panic and say these because I don’t want them, and I feel like I agree with it, this makes me feel like a bad person when I say them (sometimes I can’t help it when I get really stressed) what can I do for this to be better? 2. My brain will give me an intrusive question, asking if I’d do this,this or that, and I feel like agreeing or saying yes to this, sometimes I will hear a yes and I’ll freak out 3. When I get triggered by a photo, I have to keep checking and checking (this will always last forever) till I’m sure that I think the photo is cute or adorable and not in any way that I feel false attraction Whenever I feel convinced, I feel bad that I feel convinced and it’ll say “well if you were a good person, why do you allow yourself to get convinced even if you know you aren’t this”
Looked up OCD recovery / success stories to give myself some hope. Found a link to a page on the NOCD website that shared a few people's recovery journeys. Clicked on the first one that had SOOCD tagged as a theme. She had the fear she was gay. Turns out she IS gay. It really triggered me and now I'm in a bit of a spiral 😭 ended up googling and looking for reassurance. I feel guilty and sad for engaging in compulsions. Like I just took a huge step back, or something.
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