Struggling with intrusive thoughts related to POCD and feeling overwhelmed.

pocd help

there’s a little kid outside my window at the community pool. i looked to see what he was doing. i looked a couple times and he was just fully clothed in the pool LOL, but then I started having thoughts “oh are u looking bc ur a creep? do u want to go down there and gr0om him???” like wtf!!! and i stayed there and kept looking to i guess test myself and be like see im not looking for any reason but i got this feeling of dread and had to walk away :( i hate this. pocd makes me feel like i am a p everyday it feels so real sometimes I just wanna say I am and admit myself to a mental hospital

Username: FearAndLoathingFearAndLoathing

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 29w ago

That’s a really hard feeling to have. I know what you mean by saying you just want to admit you’re a pedophile. It would be easier than what you’re going through. Fortunately, you’re not a pedophile. Unfortunately, that’s a much harder to admit to yourself because apparently we’re not punished enough in this life. I hope you’re in therapy, it really does make all the difference in the world. I was completely paralyzed by those thoughts, but now they have a minimal impact on my life.

Username: co653co653

Date posted: 29w ago

a part of me like felt like I had to stay there and look I don’t know why. but it scared me. idk how old the boy is he was just walking around and then went into the water fully clothed. im scared me looking and feeling like I have to stay there and not walk away makes me feel like im a p

Username: FearAndLoathingFearAndLoathing

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 29w ago

@co140 I know you’re looking for proof of either being or not being a pedophile by disclosing everything you thought and felt, but you’ll never find satisfying answers by confessing or researching or policing yourself. It’s so hard because it feels like looking away is the right thing to do to protect others from yourself. But then when you try to do the ERP recommended thing and make yourself look, you feel all the more dangerous. It’s vicious, but you’ll break out of it eventually if you stick with it. Please get therapy, I know how much this this hurts and is terrifying. And I know you probably think you’re the exception and you’re actually a pedophile, or you don’t deserve help. But you’re wrong, you do deserve help, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the results.

Username: co653co653

Date posted: 29w ago

i had to pull my blinds down. i feel so horrible. I feel like a p. i just asked myself if im one and i said no but i feel like a fraud. I don’t want to be around kids ever. what if im a p:(

Username: Hopeful29Hopeful29

Date posted: 29w ago

Hey try to take a deep breath first

Username: AAK1AAK1

Date posted: 29w ago

I know exactly how you feel, I'm right there with you and it's awful and gut wrenching. I so badly want to be a "normal" person I look at all these people walking by that seem so at peace and happy and just pray I can feel like that one day. We are not monsters. OCD does not define us and never will. I'm looking for some relief from my symptoms too and really considering ERP. I'm able to manage my OCD much better now than I used to be able to, that's due to a lot of therapy. I HIGHLY recommend it and make sure they specialize in OCD. You're not a lone and you're a good person don't let you OCD brain win! 🙂

Username: katr :,)

Date posted: 35w ago

Ugh I hate pocd I can’t tell anymore :(

Every time I look at a child now I have these feelings and groinials and thoughts that I just can’t tell if they’re real or not bc it feels like it’s real it feels like I’m denying I’m attracted to them or something when I just notice that they are cute and have like attractive faces/feautures? And sometimes it feels like I notice them like an adult :/ but sometimes like if it’s like a vid or something sometimes I think it’s someone older but then I see longer and I’m like oof it’s not 🫠 like ughhh I just hate this idk what to do and I don’t want to be become an abuser I’m scared like I’ll be like my abuser and i don’t feel anxious like before bc I had these thoughts come up since 2020

POCD

Username: co653

Date posted: 31w ago

pocd

everytime I see a kid or anything about a kid is mentioned then boom here come groinal responses that feel like genuine arousal and a whole bunch of thoughts telling me im a p. I genuine feel like I am one. I feel like this isn’t ocd. My anxiety has gone down tremendously so it seems as if im only ASHAMED of this. Which p’s can be also. I just want peace. I don’t want to be a p. Even my brain is like “just do it so u can have the label permanently “ like no I don’t want to do that but this all feels so real:( I hate the groinal responses they won’t go away

Username: co653

Date posted: 28w ago

pocd help!!

i saw a family member post their kid, he is super adorable and funny ive met him before. but ever since seeing that my pocd is telling me i want to hurt him and or do something to him. im really close with his mom i look up to her a lot im scared that u will find out and i will be shunned forever. I don’t want to do anything to him. but these thoughts feel so real and it feels like my body is just gonna get up and commit a crime. she is very spiritual and I go to her for advice a lot, im scared she’s gonna get bad vibes or negative intentions from me I just want to be a good person I don’t want to hurt anyone especially him :( another thing is I had a thought that he looked like my ex and he does and even looks how he looked when HE was a baby but im scared that that means im a p. I hate this :( I get groinal responses and rapid intrusive thoughts it’s so draining :(

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Struggling with intrusive thoughts related to POCD and feeling overwhelmed.

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