I'm wondering if it's better or worse to tell your partner about your ocd thoughts, if you can be specific or if it's better to keep it vague bc it's so distressing to hear the specifics to people who are close or if they're like.. rocd threads. Mostly in the context of when they're strong or compulsions are strong.
I only told my boyfriend because I felt my attitude towards him changing. I was being distant, uninterested, kind of weird whenever we were intimate and he touched me. I noticed how he noticed my change of behavior, so I thought it was best to just tell him about my ROCD. You don’t have to tell your partner, it’s all up to you. But I do think if it’s really affecting your behavior, then yes, because it might cause them to overthink
@jacky! I do think that if you do plan on talking to your partner about it, you should explain what OCD is first, the kind of symptoms OCD shows, then scratching the surface of your intrusive thoughts
Something that I found very beneficial is to set boundaries around your thoughts, and also give a clear explanation to your partner about the basics of what you struggle with e.g. “I struggle with rocd and intrusive thoughts regarding my partners, I am trying to learn to identify those thoughts for what they are without doing compulsions like avoidance rumination and reassurance seeking, I would appreciate if you can be patient with me when I share that I am dealing with an ocd flare up without going into details with you regarding the actual thoughts and feelings themselves.”
Thank you! I think this is a good script to work with. I'm curious, I know reassurance seeking is bad, but my partner knows generally I have rocd, but has asked me what can he do to support me, and I didn't have any ideas of what a healthy thing for him to do might be.
@dannygent Good question! The hard part of ocd is that the more you interact with the thought the more you reinforce it, so maybe tell him he can help with things completely unrelated to the ocd. Like just be more affectionate, go for ice cream, help with chores or other things, whatever your love language is
@Anonymous Is asking for him to hug me reassurance seeking?
@dannygent Sorry I never responded, not in every case, if you feel like you are doing it compulsively to try and fix the uncomfortable feeling then it might be, but if you are still allowing yourself to sit with the discomfort, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking for a hug. You can also just tell them generally that, “when I’m going through an episode, getting extra hugs will help me feel loved and supported, so if you notice I’m in a bad place that’s a way you can help without interacting with the intrusive thoughts”
I don't disclose my thoughts because that would be reassuranse only tell them when You feel bad
That’s a tough one.. I guess it depends if your partner is willing to understand. Also, depends on how new the relationship is and if it involves them or if they’re with you when it’s happening. Like if it has to do with them and you constantly need reassurance and to check things it can possibly make you partner feel as if you don’t trust them, but if you don’t explain your struggle then they may or may not understand what you’re going through to justify why you do what you do. If they don’t care and don’t care to learn then I’d keep it minimal and play off my big feelings. I’d also prefer not to be with someone like that though. At the end of the day communication is key and if it involves them, then consider talking about it. If it doesn’t involve them or they’re not with you when it’s occurring, then I’d rethink about sharing. For example, when leaving the car I have to hear the horn beep when walking away or I’ll constantly ask if it’s locked until I hear it. Try to take consideration of what your partner deals with in life already and not add to their stress, they aren’t your therapist. 🙂
The only people I've told are my wife and my priests. Even then, I framed it so that I didn't scare my wife. Personally, I don't think we have to reveal all of our deep, dark thoughts, only to our OCD therapist, who has heard it all before. There are some good videos on YouTube sponsored by NOCD that are designed to help loved ones understand what we're going through. Why not check them out and include one or more when you speak to a loved one about it.
Has anyone told their s/o about their soocd or rocd? I don't really want to tell my boyfriend details about what I struggle with because I don't want him to feel insecure or inadequate but I also know he is curious about what I mean when I have OCD because he knows I'm not a very organized/clean person which most people think OCD is. We are open with me taking health and I don't want to withhold how I feel but I can't outright tell him my struggles. Any advice?
For those struggling with with ROCD do you let your partner in on what’s going through your mind? My boyfriend is my go to person to talk to about anything going on my life and really the only one who understands ocd but I feel it can be hurtful for him if I share intrusive thoughts about our relationship.
You may be thinking that you should or shouldn't tell your significant other the specifics of what your OCD thoughts are. With this, there is no right answer and the choice on whether to share or not remains with you and you alone. Personally, I did not feel the need to share my thoughts with my significant other and how some of them involved them. Another person may decide that they would like to share those details with their significant other. Whatever you decide to do is okay as long as your partner is supportive and understanding on this journey. Have you shared details about your intrusive thoughts with your partner?
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